slowsouthernstyle: (214)
Jesse Joe Hartley ([personal profile] slowsouthernstyle) wrote in [community profile] muserevival2017-03-30 02:35 pm

143.7. Misc/Random

Hiraeth (n): a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of the past.

Jesse never wanted to go back to his home town. He had vowed many a time that he wouldn’t after breaking free from the bible-bashing mess he had left behind. Since then, more secrets and lies had come to life to vastly prove that no matter how much a religious person preached from the rooftops of how pure and holy their faith was, they could still be just as sinful and downright deceitful as people who practiced no religion. Jesse had learned his mother had an affair, and as a result, the father he grew up with wasn’t his biological father. Instead, the man who gave him life had passed away from a sudden heart attack at a relatively young age, and Jesse discovered he had siblings he never knew about.

That was why he was doing this. Merlin asked him to travel to South Carolina with him because he didn’t want to face this alone. Jesse tried to text Damien, but he received no answer so they went ahead and made the plans regardless. Hopefully Damien would contact Merlin soon, because this shit was going to move rapidly and have a snowball affect. It could rock Damien's world too. Merlin was too stressed and upset. He needed the clarification on what was going on with what would hopefully just be a mistake with his blood tests, and he needed it ASAP. Jesse remembered the anxiety going through this stuff himself. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone, let alone a guy he felt like an honorary big brother two for years.

They flew to SC, and a hire car was waiting for them to drive from the airport. Jesse had no intentions of staying with his family, so he had book a hotel room for the night. He wasn’t even sure if Merlin would want him to go with him when he confronted his parents, of if he would just be there nearby for moral support. Whatever Merlin chose, Jesse would be there regardless.

He felt ill driving through the familiar streets, and wishing he was back in New York with his husband. Jace could only fly when it was absolutely necessary. Something about the motion and the cabin pressure made him ill and at high risk of a seizure being triggered. Flying had never had the same effect on Jesse’s epilepsy. It was quicker, the drive would be far too long. Too long for Merlin to be stuck in a car worrying and stressing about what he was about to face. Best to just get there quickly, and rip it off like a Band-Aid.

It was dark when they got there. He had been going to ask how Merlin was doing, but Merlin had fallen asleep not far beyond the airport. He had told Jesse he hadn’t slept in three days because he was so stressed. Because he hadn’t been fully cleared to start his new job with the mess up on his full medical examination, he had the time up his sleeve for this trip. Pulling up at some traffic lights, Jesse looked over to the younger guy. His heart ached for him, and he hoped like hell all this was just a dumb mix-up. A cruel one, but a mix-up, nonetheless.

Jesse realised he felt no love or no nostalgia to this place. On some level, he maybe mourned his loss of a normal childhood, more than anything. His life now was beautiful and priceless compared how he felt needing to grow hiding who he really was, being scared he would be disowned and ostracised if he admitted to what he was. It turned out, separating himself and escaping it was the best move he could have ever made, even if it had been a rough road at first. He found the love of his life, his soul mate, and he hadn’t looked back. Jace, now his husband, was one of the most beautiful and sweet people Jesse had ever met in his life, and he had been lucky that love blossomed between them.

It was a surreal sensation for Jesse to find himself suddenly missing the father he never knew being back here to a home he never felt he belonged. With Merlin questioning whether he could well have been adopted and, just like Jesse, the secret been buried deep behind a veil of religious purity, Jesse was yearning for the life he never had. The what-ifs were gnawing away in his brain as he was left alone with his thoughts while Merlin slept. But they weren’t what-ifs he would ever have answers to. Not really. He was wasting pointless energy, but he couldn’t help it. What would life had been if he knew his real father and grew up knowing his siblings since he was a baby? His mother had robbed him of those chances, wanting to keep the deep and dark secret so she wasn’t turfed out from the church. The church had been more important to her than her own son’s right to know his other family. There was residual anger there, and why he didn’t want to see his family on this trip back.

All he knew was that if he could do anything to help Merlin discover if all this was a mistake or another secret locked away tightly, he would do it, no questions asked. Everyone had a right to know who they really were. Jesse just knew that if Merlin’s life would be about to change in ways words couldn’t explain, nothing was ever going to be the same again.

Jesse Hartley // Original Character
- merlin larson hijacked with permission and love ♥

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