Ian Clayton Gallagher (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sickoflivingalie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2015-04-18 07:44 pm
sickoflivingalie) wrote in muserevival2015-04-18 07:44 pm
091.3. First Person Prompt
SPOILERS: Shameless Season 5 finale
Family Matters
Dear Mickey,
This week's been really fucking weird. Oh, who am I kidding, this whole year's been fucking weird... or maybe even my whole life. Can you really consider something weird if it's been your whole life, or does that just make it your normal?
It's kind of like everything's been rebooted. We're all back home, save for Carl who is still in juvie and either going to end up murdered or the HBIC. Fiona's back because she fucked up her marriage, even Lip's been staying here after the chick he was fucking went mental on him and thumped him. Frank's ingratiated himself back into shit because the cancer chick he was apparently chasing offed herself. It's like things have been switched right back to how they were before...
Before you and me.
Shame that doesn't mean I can just switch off all memories of you and be right back there somehow. Life's fucking cruel like that. Some people seem to get everything, and other people, like me, seem to constantly fuck it all up. I ran into Svetlana at the grocery store, but she didn't have Yev with her. Told me that you "Drive truck now" and "make shit money" that's "not enough to feed baby." Guess you really needed to get away. Can't say I blame you. That's not a feeling I can shake.
I just don't know what family is supposed to mean anymore. It felt like mine could barely find a fuck to give when I was going through all that shit of being shoved into the loony bin and then prison. Before, it always felt like, sure, life was fucking shit, but we had each other's backs. We were together as a family, just a really fucked up one. Then all of a sudden, it felt like I was completely alone. Like all they saw was Monica whenever they looked at me, and had me written off as a fucking useless lost cause.
Which was okay, I could deal with that. Then you started to slip away too. You were losing your shit inside and trying your fucking hardest to get it right. All I wanted was you back, asshole. The Mickey Milkovich I fell in love with. And you know what, maybe going down to City Hall and getting hitched like a pair of old queens wouldn't have been so bad.
Then one day I looked at you, and you were looking back at me like they all had been. Like I was damaged... like I was Monica. I couldn't take it, Mick. You were supposed to be the exception to every fucking rule, not blending in with the masses.
I hope whatever you're trying to figure out driving trucks for a shit wage starts to make sense for you. I wouldn't wish the feeling like life isn't worth it anymore on you. I barely know how to fucking handle feeling it every hour of the day myself right now.
Make sure you fucking eat and get enough sleep so you don't wrap the fucking thing around a goddamn tree. Fuck it, what's the point of advice? I won't send this either. I'd still fucking love you with a giant trucker gut and hairy asscrack. I just don't want Svetlana to show up on our doorstep one day and tell me you've been decapitated in a truck wreck or keeled over from a coronary after eating too much Mickey Ds.
Maybe one day, we'll have another chance at getting shit right. You can't be dead for that.
- Ian x
• ian gallagher [ canon: shameless ]
Family Matters
Dear Mickey,
This week's been really fucking weird. Oh, who am I kidding, this whole year's been fucking weird... or maybe even my whole life. Can you really consider something weird if it's been your whole life, or does that just make it your normal?
It's kind of like everything's been rebooted. We're all back home, save for Carl who is still in juvie and either going to end up murdered or the HBIC. Fiona's back because she fucked up her marriage, even Lip's been staying here after the chick he was fucking went mental on him and thumped him. Frank's ingratiated himself back into shit because the cancer chick he was apparently chasing offed herself. It's like things have been switched right back to how they were before...
Before you and me.
Shame that doesn't mean I can just switch off all memories of you and be right back there somehow. Life's fucking cruel like that. Some people seem to get everything, and other people, like me, seem to constantly fuck it all up. I ran into Svetlana at the grocery store, but she didn't have Yev with her. Told me that you "Drive truck now" and "make shit money" that's "not enough to feed baby." Guess you really needed to get away. Can't say I blame you. That's not a feeling I can shake.
I just don't know what family is supposed to mean anymore. It felt like mine could barely find a fuck to give when I was going through all that shit of being shoved into the loony bin and then prison. Before, it always felt like, sure, life was fucking shit, but we had each other's backs. We were together as a family, just a really fucked up one. Then all of a sudden, it felt like I was completely alone. Like all they saw was Monica whenever they looked at me, and had me written off as a fucking useless lost cause.
Which was okay, I could deal with that. Then you started to slip away too. You were losing your shit inside and trying your fucking hardest to get it right. All I wanted was you back, asshole. The Mickey Milkovich I fell in love with. And you know what, maybe going down to City Hall and getting hitched like a pair of old queens wouldn't have been so bad.
Then one day I looked at you, and you were looking back at me like they all had been. Like I was damaged... like I was Monica. I couldn't take it, Mick. You were supposed to be the exception to every fucking rule, not blending in with the masses.
I hope whatever you're trying to figure out driving trucks for a shit wage starts to make sense for you. I wouldn't wish the feeling like life isn't worth it anymore on you. I barely know how to fucking handle feeling it every hour of the day myself right now.
Make sure you fucking eat and get enough sleep so you don't wrap the fucking thing around a goddamn tree. Fuck it, what's the point of advice? I won't send this either. I'd still fucking love you with a giant trucker gut and hairy asscrack. I just don't want Svetlana to show up on our doorstep one day and tell me you've been decapitated in a truck wreck or keeled over from a coronary after eating too much Mickey Ds.
Maybe one day, we'll have another chance at getting shit right. You can't be dead for that.
- Ian x
• ian gallagher [ canon: shameless ]