Zed Blaze (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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muserevival2015-11-17 09:37 pm
zedblaze) wrote in muserevival2015-11-17 09:37 pm
Entry tags:
107.2. Quotes
"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." - Napoleon Hill"
Zoran wanted to sleep, but all he managed was all of 45 minutes of a deep sleep before a nightmare about what he had been through these past couple of days engulfed him and he woke up in a sweat with his t-shirt feeling like it was choking him. He nearly ripped it when he tugged roughly at the collar, and sat up in bed, looking around and feeling disoriented while he tried to get his bearings again. The worst part was, the nightmare had been vivid and he remembered it after waking. In his dream, he had been shown his dad's face in the morgue rather than it being concealed.
He had a small drink of water from the bottle kept beside his bed, and then sat cross-legged on the bed with his head in his hands. Such a short amount of sleep wasn't going to cut it. He didn't feel any better. He was pretty sure he felt worse, though it could have been because he was shaken by the all-too-realistic image in his dream. Beside him, Caleb was asleep, but even he couldn't have been sleeping for very long because he had still bee awake laying beside Zoran when he had dozed off.
He was trembling all over from a mix of lingering shock and feeling generally cold right now. He had been feverish on and off too, to the point that Caleb had the thermometer at the ready in the bathroom and was noting down every time Zoran's fever was present so they could give it to the doctor at his next appointment. This was something Zoran hadn't even thought about doing. He had just been keeping his head above water and figured, what the fuck did it matter?
There was still a lot of confusion. There was no doubt about that. The past would take a lot longer to heal than a few weeks back in each other's lives. He had asked Caleb to stay with him, and so far that was indefinitely. All he knew was that he didn't want to be alone right now. He had been alone for far too long, and he couldn't pull it off. He knew he could go home to his foster parents but that would mean having to explain this whole thing to them right up, and he wasn't ready to do that. It could be awhile before he was ready. For now, he wanted to wait until they at least found his father's murderer. It would be one less thing weighing on him.
It was a long time he sat there for, but it helped to just wait out the shitty feeling for it to pass. There had been too much on-the-go and not stopping lately that his body was just giving him repeated, giant FUCK-YOUS at every turn. He had to stop. He had to rest. He knew he was in good hands with Caleb. He wasn't fully convinced Caleb wouldn't hurt him again, but he liked to think all the things he had been saying hadn't fallen on deaf ears and hoped there was a chance Caleb would keep his word to never hurt him again.
Time was such a fickle thing. You could wait forever until your heart stopped for something, or something you never at all saw coming could change your whole life in a heartbeat. It had been nothing but the latter for Zoran for years now, and he was always looking over his shoulder waiting for another another axe to fall on him. He had enough of that too. Could he even possibly hurt more than he had? Was there any sense waiting for something he didn't even know what it was? Was it even waiting if there was no intended outcome? Waiting to be hurt all over again. That was what he was always waiting for. So much so that he had even hurt himself to try to stop it.
He lifted his head, looking at Caleb beside him. The room was darkened, but he had never had curtains that fully blocked out the street lights. Streams of light came through the cracks down each side, he was so used to it now, it never bothered him and prevented him falling over and breaking his neck if he ever woke up in the middle of the night. He raked his hair back from his eyes, squinting just a little from a throbbing headache he had from lack of decent sleep.
It was a few more moments before he put his hand gently on Caleb's shoulder, giving him a soft shake to wake him. He didn't give him a fright or anything. He seemed to realise he was being woken for a reason, but Zoran didn't even know there was one until Caleb was awake. It was pointless trying to reason anything out right now. So much had happened that couldn't possibly have a fair and deserving reason to them. Unless he was just born an awful being and deserved all these bad things to happen to him, but as self-sacrificial as he had been feeling lately, he didn't think he deserved the things he had been subjected to.
Not letting his brain rule his heart for the first time in a very long time, Zoran stopped Caleb sitting up and intercepted the look of concern on his face with soft kiss. It was hesitant at first, gentle and tender, and so reminiscent of the first kiss they had shared as teenagers. In fact, it could even be almost identical save for the fact they had both grown, aged, and were life-weary even as young as they still were.
He didn't need Caleb to sit up. He shifted and moved to straddle over him on the bed, the leverage helping him deepen the kiss. It was purely comfort. He needed this, he didn't want to wait. He wanted to be taken back to that night before everything went horribly wrong, and he could worry about how he felt about that tomorrow.
- ZED BLAZE -
original character
Zoran wanted to sleep, but all he managed was all of 45 minutes of a deep sleep before a nightmare about what he had been through these past couple of days engulfed him and he woke up in a sweat with his t-shirt feeling like it was choking him. He nearly ripped it when he tugged roughly at the collar, and sat up in bed, looking around and feeling disoriented while he tried to get his bearings again. The worst part was, the nightmare had been vivid and he remembered it after waking. In his dream, he had been shown his dad's face in the morgue rather than it being concealed.
He had a small drink of water from the bottle kept beside his bed, and then sat cross-legged on the bed with his head in his hands. Such a short amount of sleep wasn't going to cut it. He didn't feel any better. He was pretty sure he felt worse, though it could have been because he was shaken by the all-too-realistic image in his dream. Beside him, Caleb was asleep, but even he couldn't have been sleeping for very long because he had still bee awake laying beside Zoran when he had dozed off.
He was trembling all over from a mix of lingering shock and feeling generally cold right now. He had been feverish on and off too, to the point that Caleb had the thermometer at the ready in the bathroom and was noting down every time Zoran's fever was present so they could give it to the doctor at his next appointment. This was something Zoran hadn't even thought about doing. He had just been keeping his head above water and figured, what the fuck did it matter?
There was still a lot of confusion. There was no doubt about that. The past would take a lot longer to heal than a few weeks back in each other's lives. He had asked Caleb to stay with him, and so far that was indefinitely. All he knew was that he didn't want to be alone right now. He had been alone for far too long, and he couldn't pull it off. He knew he could go home to his foster parents but that would mean having to explain this whole thing to them right up, and he wasn't ready to do that. It could be awhile before he was ready. For now, he wanted to wait until they at least found his father's murderer. It would be one less thing weighing on him.
It was a long time he sat there for, but it helped to just wait out the shitty feeling for it to pass. There had been too much on-the-go and not stopping lately that his body was just giving him repeated, giant FUCK-YOUS at every turn. He had to stop. He had to rest. He knew he was in good hands with Caleb. He wasn't fully convinced Caleb wouldn't hurt him again, but he liked to think all the things he had been saying hadn't fallen on deaf ears and hoped there was a chance Caleb would keep his word to never hurt him again.
Time was such a fickle thing. You could wait forever until your heart stopped for something, or something you never at all saw coming could change your whole life in a heartbeat. It had been nothing but the latter for Zoran for years now, and he was always looking over his shoulder waiting for another another axe to fall on him. He had enough of that too. Could he even possibly hurt more than he had? Was there any sense waiting for something he didn't even know what it was? Was it even waiting if there was no intended outcome? Waiting to be hurt all over again. That was what he was always waiting for. So much so that he had even hurt himself to try to stop it.
He lifted his head, looking at Caleb beside him. The room was darkened, but he had never had curtains that fully blocked out the street lights. Streams of light came through the cracks down each side, he was so used to it now, it never bothered him and prevented him falling over and breaking his neck if he ever woke up in the middle of the night. He raked his hair back from his eyes, squinting just a little from a throbbing headache he had from lack of decent sleep.
It was a few more moments before he put his hand gently on Caleb's shoulder, giving him a soft shake to wake him. He didn't give him a fright or anything. He seemed to realise he was being woken for a reason, but Zoran didn't even know there was one until Caleb was awake. It was pointless trying to reason anything out right now. So much had happened that couldn't possibly have a fair and deserving reason to them. Unless he was just born an awful being and deserved all these bad things to happen to him, but as self-sacrificial as he had been feeling lately, he didn't think he deserved the things he had been subjected to.
Not letting his brain rule his heart for the first time in a very long time, Zoran stopped Caleb sitting up and intercepted the look of concern on his face with soft kiss. It was hesitant at first, gentle and tender, and so reminiscent of the first kiss they had shared as teenagers. In fact, it could even be almost identical save for the fact they had both grown, aged, and were life-weary even as young as they still were.
He didn't need Caleb to sit up. He shifted and moved to straddle over him on the bed, the leverage helping him deepen the kiss. It was purely comfort. He needed this, he didn't want to wait. He wanted to be taken back to that night before everything went horribly wrong, and he could worry about how he felt about that tomorrow.
original character