shelbycobra: (Her night out)
Shelby Manning ([personal profile] shelbycobra) wrote in [community profile] muserevival2015-11-22 12:27 am

108.1.1 - lyrics

"I wanna tell you something,
Give you something
Show you in so many ways
'Cause it would all mean nothing
If I don't say something
Before it all goes away."


I fell in love with Michael the night that I met him. It seems like such a sappy thing to say, but it's true. Standing at a bar in London, just having a drink and enjoying the nightlife in my old hometown for the first time in a few years. Then he and his best friend walked in and when his eyes met mine I just knew that he was someone special. He struck up a conversation with me and we ended up closing the place down, and I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again.



Since then, he's been everything that I had always hoped for but never thought actually existed in a relationship. Not in mine, anyway; it's not easy being involved with a racing driver, but especially not with me, and less so now that I have the added responsibilities that come with being the champion. There's driving, but also travel, testing, garage time, meetings with engineers and ownership and sponsors, interviews, training, studying and when I do get free time I'm probably still watching NASCAR or F1 or some other race on TV. I'm the first person to admit that I'm obsessed.

But Michael has handled all that way better than I expected. He came back into my life during my busiest and most stressful season yet, and he has stood by me through everything. He dealt with it when I had to get up early and stay late. He handled being in front of all the cameras at the Championship Celebration and having to meet my father before we'd gotten past our third date. And I'm pretty sure he's sick of hearing about cars by now, but if he is he's never shown it. Sometimes I want to pinch him just to make sure he's not a figment of my imagination.

That also makes me want to give something back to him. He deserves to know how much I love him, and how much I appreciate everything that he's done for me. I wake up every morning thinking how lucky I am to have him, and wanting to give him the world.

The problem is that my world is a pain in the ass. Planning this wedding is the latest example. I desperately want to be his wife, but I feel like he deserves something well thought out, that our friends can be a part of. At the same time, if I don't do it within the next few months, then I won't be available until next September. That's almost a year and after a 2016 season where hopefully I'll do well but if for some reason I don't, I'm going to have that hanging over my head.

I won't admit it, but I'm scared about what that season will do to our relationship. I'll be on the road for six months, and that's just counting in-season. Half of my year will be taken over by my career. We haven't discussed what Michael will do; it's his choice if he wants to travel at all with me or stay home here in Indianapolis. Either way I'm concerned that our world is going to become too much about me and he won't be happy, or that we'll spend too much time apart and he'll find someone else.

We've also talked about kids; he wants them, and sooner rather than later. I do, too, but I've still not figured out how to handle the impact on my career. I obviously can't race while I'm pregnant and then I'd have to take at least six months to get my body back into shape. Speaking from experience, it is not easy coming back to IndyCar after a year out. I'm in the first year of a three-year contract in the prime of my career, and I don't know if I'm ready to risk all that I've worked for. It probably sounds arrogant, but three years to me isn't much of a racing career, even if I do have an Indy 500 and a championship title. I'd always planned on racing until I was 40.

But I love Michael just as much as I love IndyCar. That's what scares me. I didn't think there was anything I'd ever love as much. And I know I don't want to lose him.

So I guess that's the one thing I can give him. I can race out this contract and then I can walk away. We can start our family and I can learn to be happy in another way. It might not be the future I'd planned for myself, but neither was proposing to the cute soldier I met in that London bar. And for the sacrifices he's made for me, it should be my turn to make one too.



--
Shelby Manning Martin
Need For Speed OC
800 words
Prompt takes place in an alternate canon.