Shelby Manning (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shelbycobra) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2016-10-20 11:50 am
shelbycobra) wrote in muserevival2016-10-20 11:50 am
Entry tags:
130.1.1 - lyrics
"On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand."
I've realized something over the past two weeks: I no longer fear failure. Oh, I still don't like it, of course and I will continue to do everything I can to avoid it, but I don't fear it. I'm not sitting here across the room from my Astor Cups thinking "I have to defend this. I can't let someone take it away from me." I know that I am one of twenty-two very accomplished drivers and that any one of us could be holding the trophy in 2017, and I'm okay with that.
Because what I've learned is it really is true, no one can take it away from you. Even if someone else is IndyCar champion next year that doesn't erase that I was this year and last year. It doesn't take my name out of the history books as the winner of the 2015 Indianapolis 500. It doesn't disparage any of my accomplishments just because somebody else has found success. And most importantly, it doesn't make me any less of a person because someone else is a great one.
There's always that urge to compare. Any sport is a results-based and thus comparison-driven business. That's what got me kicked to the curb the first time. But I don't need to fear that anymore. I have two more years left on my contract; sure, if I completely tanked I'm sure that Mr. Penske might reconsider, but I'm not driving for my job or to keep my head above water. I am lucky enough to have a home, food and clothes to keep in it, and a sizeable savings account that I personally manage. (I've been technically homeless once; I am not doing that ever again.)
And I now understand that so much of that is psychological. It's an instinct in every driver to have that "if you're not first, you're last" mentality and that's bullshit. I work amongst the best drivers in the world. We all have something to be proud of and there is no shame in losing to any of them as long as I know that I put out my best individual effort on that day. Now if I lose because Townsend Bell ran into my car, or my car is on fire, that would be another story but you get the idea. I do the best with the things I can control and I don't bitch about the things I can't. I'm not afraid of what I'll see at the end of the day because I know I have a lot to be proud of.
If there's anything I'm still scared of it's my personal life. I'm still working on getting past my fears on that one. Listen, I'm very happy right now in my relationship. I just don't have a clue how to navigate it. I'm always concerned that I'm going to reveal something that is going to make him decide I'm not the girl he wants to be with. But that's my personal life where I don't have millions of dollars in equipment and an entire top-notch crew standing behind me. They're two totally different things, things I have never once in my life been able to balance correctly.
But when it comes to my career? When I pick that helmet up and make that walk to the car? Not afraid at all. If something goes wrong, I know I can make the next thing go right.
--
Shelby Manning
Need For Speed OC
576 words
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand."
I've realized something over the past two weeks: I no longer fear failure. Oh, I still don't like it, of course and I will continue to do everything I can to avoid it, but I don't fear it. I'm not sitting here across the room from my Astor Cups thinking "I have to defend this. I can't let someone take it away from me." I know that I am one of twenty-two very accomplished drivers and that any one of us could be holding the trophy in 2017, and I'm okay with that.
Because what I've learned is it really is true, no one can take it away from you. Even if someone else is IndyCar champion next year that doesn't erase that I was this year and last year. It doesn't take my name out of the history books as the winner of the 2015 Indianapolis 500. It doesn't disparage any of my accomplishments just because somebody else has found success. And most importantly, it doesn't make me any less of a person because someone else is a great one.
There's always that urge to compare. Any sport is a results-based and thus comparison-driven business. That's what got me kicked to the curb the first time. But I don't need to fear that anymore. I have two more years left on my contract; sure, if I completely tanked I'm sure that Mr. Penske might reconsider, but I'm not driving for my job or to keep my head above water. I am lucky enough to have a home, food and clothes to keep in it, and a sizeable savings account that I personally manage. (I've been technically homeless once; I am not doing that ever again.)
And I now understand that so much of that is psychological. It's an instinct in every driver to have that "if you're not first, you're last" mentality and that's bullshit. I work amongst the best drivers in the world. We all have something to be proud of and there is no shame in losing to any of them as long as I know that I put out my best individual effort on that day. Now if I lose because Townsend Bell ran into my car, or my car is on fire, that would be another story but you get the idea. I do the best with the things I can control and I don't bitch about the things I can't. I'm not afraid of what I'll see at the end of the day because I know I have a lot to be proud of.
If there's anything I'm still scared of it's my personal life. I'm still working on getting past my fears on that one. Listen, I'm very happy right now in my relationship. I just don't have a clue how to navigate it. I'm always concerned that I'm going to reveal something that is going to make him decide I'm not the girl he wants to be with. But that's my personal life where I don't have millions of dollars in equipment and an entire top-notch crew standing behind me. They're two totally different things, things I have never once in my life been able to balance correctly.
But when it comes to my career? When I pick that helmet up and make that walk to the car? Not afraid at all. If something goes wrong, I know I can make the next thing go right.
--
Shelby Manning
Need For Speed OC
576 words