Jeremy Caleb Peterson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bringmebacktoyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2013-12-26 07:47 pm
bringmebacktoyou) wrote in muserevival2013-12-26 07:47 pm
Entry tags:
Word of the Day 021.
Confide
v. 1. to impart secrets trustfully; discuss private matters or problems. 2. to have full trust; have faith.
Christmas was harder than he thought it was going to be. He didn't make a big deal of it, but inside, he was having a tough time getting his brain to process everything. The truth was, he was scared to say anything in case they put him back in hospital for more poking, prodding, inserting, scanning, and whatever else they could come up with. He didn't want to be away from Tyler, but at the same time, he didn't know how to stay close to him anymore either.
Tyler had a pretty intense psychotic break two days before Christmas. Then he ran to one of the crack houses he used to get supplied from and fell off the wagon spectacularly in the process. Then with his mind scrambled, he returned to the place he had been staying before all of this latest shit had gone down, shot up on the poor guy's doorstep and trashed himself right there with the needle still stuck in his vein. Jeremy had been trying so hard to keep up with all this, but it felt like his own mind was spiralling out of control. Tyler's psychiatrist had been called in for an intervention and she gave him some pretty hefty injections to help him. She wanted him re-admitted to the psych ward, but Nathan hadn't authorised that course of action. He wanted to see if Tyler could bounce back in a few days and get back on track. He needed the chance to break the cycle.
It was now late Christmas night and Jeremy had woken up to find Nathan asleep on the sofa, looking like he had fallen asleep there by mistake in the middle of watching TV. Jeremy switched the TV off at the set, the remote control still having too many buttons for him to navigate and remember which did what. He covered him up with one of the throw rugs and turned all the lights out save for a small lamp in case Nathan woke up disoriented. Wetting his lips, Jeremy padded up the hall to Nathan and Tyler's room. Tyler was still crashed out in the bed. He had barely been lucid, mostly just crashed out on the drugs, and then the prescription medication. He was like a zombie, at best, and Jeremy had been avoiding him because he hated that dead look Tyler got in his eyes when he was having one of his psychosis things.
It was the look of him not having an iota of a clue who Jeremy was. Which was bad enough, but it went beyond that. It was the look that Jeremy was trying to hurt him, to harm him, to lead him to hurting himself. That hurt and even though he had been trying to understand, still dealing with his own recovery, Jeremy was finding it hard to be the strong one when he didn't feel strong at all.
He stepped into the bedroom and then quietly went over to perch carefully on the side of the bed beside where Tyler was sprawled on his stomach. Jeremy didn't look at him. He just sat there looking down at his hands, lost in a lethargic mix of confusing thoughts churning in his head. Christmas day had just been spent watching movies with his brother Kyle, Kyle's fiancé, Logan, and Nate. They ordered takeout, there were some presents, and that was about it. It didn't feel like Christmas. Not the Christmas in Jeremy's nostalgic memories of childhood. The whole day just make him feel more and more sad that maybe Christmas was never going to be like that again.
He didn't know how long he sat there in the dark beside his twin for. His Goonies t-shirt felt ironic, considering the situation. He and his two brothers used to think of themselves as honorary Goonies when they were little kids, both Kyle and Tyler endlessly accusing Jeremy of being like Mikey. Those were the days when he and Tyler were absolutely inseparable. They even used to sit outside the bathroom waiting on each other inside, talking through the door. Those were days they would never get back again.
Soon, he turned his head, looking at his twin brother over his shoulder. Amongst all of this, everyone had been so focused on how much Tyler needed Jeremy to get better, but somewhere in the mix, they forgot to pause and remember how much Jeremy needed Tyler too. Not like this, not this person who was in Tyler's place, but his twin brother, his partner in crime, his other half. Without him, Jeremy didn't know how he was supposed to face any of this. He was losing his fight, and losing his energy to keep trying.
When he finally spoke, his timid voice breaking the silence in the dark room with a hushed confession to his unconscious twin, "You scare me."
Jeremy Peterson | Original Character
v. 1. to impart secrets trustfully; discuss private matters or problems. 2. to have full trust; have faith.
Christmas was harder than he thought it was going to be. He didn't make a big deal of it, but inside, he was having a tough time getting his brain to process everything. The truth was, he was scared to say anything in case they put him back in hospital for more poking, prodding, inserting, scanning, and whatever else they could come up with. He didn't want to be away from Tyler, but at the same time, he didn't know how to stay close to him anymore either.
Tyler had a pretty intense psychotic break two days before Christmas. Then he ran to one of the crack houses he used to get supplied from and fell off the wagon spectacularly in the process. Then with his mind scrambled, he returned to the place he had been staying before all of this latest shit had gone down, shot up on the poor guy's doorstep and trashed himself right there with the needle still stuck in his vein. Jeremy had been trying so hard to keep up with all this, but it felt like his own mind was spiralling out of control. Tyler's psychiatrist had been called in for an intervention and she gave him some pretty hefty injections to help him. She wanted him re-admitted to the psych ward, but Nathan hadn't authorised that course of action. He wanted to see if Tyler could bounce back in a few days and get back on track. He needed the chance to break the cycle.
It was now late Christmas night and Jeremy had woken up to find Nathan asleep on the sofa, looking like he had fallen asleep there by mistake in the middle of watching TV. Jeremy switched the TV off at the set, the remote control still having too many buttons for him to navigate and remember which did what. He covered him up with one of the throw rugs and turned all the lights out save for a small lamp in case Nathan woke up disoriented. Wetting his lips, Jeremy padded up the hall to Nathan and Tyler's room. Tyler was still crashed out in the bed. He had barely been lucid, mostly just crashed out on the drugs, and then the prescription medication. He was like a zombie, at best, and Jeremy had been avoiding him because he hated that dead look Tyler got in his eyes when he was having one of his psychosis things.
It was the look of him not having an iota of a clue who Jeremy was. Which was bad enough, but it went beyond that. It was the look that Jeremy was trying to hurt him, to harm him, to lead him to hurting himself. That hurt and even though he had been trying to understand, still dealing with his own recovery, Jeremy was finding it hard to be the strong one when he didn't feel strong at all.
He stepped into the bedroom and then quietly went over to perch carefully on the side of the bed beside where Tyler was sprawled on his stomach. Jeremy didn't look at him. He just sat there looking down at his hands, lost in a lethargic mix of confusing thoughts churning in his head. Christmas day had just been spent watching movies with his brother Kyle, Kyle's fiancé, Logan, and Nate. They ordered takeout, there were some presents, and that was about it. It didn't feel like Christmas. Not the Christmas in Jeremy's nostalgic memories of childhood. The whole day just make him feel more and more sad that maybe Christmas was never going to be like that again.
He didn't know how long he sat there in the dark beside his twin for. His Goonies t-shirt felt ironic, considering the situation. He and his two brothers used to think of themselves as honorary Goonies when they were little kids, both Kyle and Tyler endlessly accusing Jeremy of being like Mikey. Those were the days when he and Tyler were absolutely inseparable. They even used to sit outside the bathroom waiting on each other inside, talking through the door. Those were days they would never get back again.
Soon, he turned his head, looking at his twin brother over his shoulder. Amongst all of this, everyone had been so focused on how much Tyler needed Jeremy to get better, but somewhere in the mix, they forgot to pause and remember how much Jeremy needed Tyler too. Not like this, not this person who was in Tyler's place, but his twin brother, his partner in crime, his other half. Without him, Jeremy didn't know how he was supposed to face any of this. He was losing his fight, and losing his energy to keep trying.
When he finally spoke, his timid voice breaking the silence in the dark room with a hushed confession to his unconscious twin, "You scare me."
Jeremy Peterson | Original Character