Nick Porter [OC] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_cataclysm) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-02-03 07:02 pm
the_cataclysm) wrote in muserevival2014-02-03 07:02 pm
Entry tags:
quote of the day// 042
“Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in you life and your behavior decides who stays in your life.”
- Unknown
This is the half way point, no turning back, Nick thinks to himself as he sits in a circle of people. Not that turning back was ever an option to him in his head, except during those sleepless nights, and the times he spent leaning over a toilet. But even then, he had a mantra in his head, about how much worse it could be… how much worse it had been. This place and everything it offers is one of the best places he’s ever been in. There are a couple of other best places he can think of that are the best. Felix’s loft, Matt’s living room, the in-door garden at his place…his place before coming here.
Nick isn’t sure where he’s going after this, but he knows that it’ll be another fresh start and though there are times he still thinks this is bullshit, those thoughts are less frequent and the thoughts of building a better life have replaced them. He also knows that it isn’t about the place, it’s about the people in them. Here in rehab, he has his therapists who are helping him through the things in his head he never wanted to touch again. He was angry at first, pissed off that he had to dredge up the past. Except the past is everything that’s keeping him from moving forward and while others told him he had to let it go, he didn’t have the tools to do so till now. He also has the people that are here with him, getting help. Nick has been hesitant to befriend them, because he knows how fleeting this is, but his sober self seems to be friendlier and he can’t help talking to a few of them, getting to know them, helping them along during rough times. They help too, when he just wants to punch someone in the face and has to be reminded that this kind of behavior isn’t healthy and doesn’t lead to keeping those you love around.
Those he loves. He has a few of those people now and those places he thinks are good for him, they’re good because of the people in them more so than anything. Felix’s loft has Felix there, but now Nick is almost positive he and Felix could work anywhere. Matt’s living room has Matt and Aeron and the three kids he’s grown so fond of. And his garden, well, that’s where his mother is. It’s where she always will be, wherever he goes, he knows that now. He loves all the people that have come to see him, that have stuck by him, that haven’t given up on him when they so easily could have.
So when he stands up and starts talking in front of that circle of people, it’s easier than it was when he first got here. He has reasons that are real and clear to him now that he’s sober and working things out. He has people that he loves and wants in his life and more importantly, he’s starting to see things in himself that might be worth loving, too. He’s starting to feel like a person, which is what he’s always so desperately wanted, but didn’t know how. It’s hard, and he’s seen some people leave while he’s been here, he’s seen people complain, he’s seen some unable to get past their demons. It’s hard, but this is his life and for the first time he’s truly excited to let it begin.
Nick Porter/Original Character
- Unknown
This is the half way point, no turning back, Nick thinks to himself as he sits in a circle of people. Not that turning back was ever an option to him in his head, except during those sleepless nights, and the times he spent leaning over a toilet. But even then, he had a mantra in his head, about how much worse it could be… how much worse it had been. This place and everything it offers is one of the best places he’s ever been in. There are a couple of other best places he can think of that are the best. Felix’s loft, Matt’s living room, the in-door garden at his place…his place before coming here.
Nick isn’t sure where he’s going after this, but he knows that it’ll be another fresh start and though there are times he still thinks this is bullshit, those thoughts are less frequent and the thoughts of building a better life have replaced them. He also knows that it isn’t about the place, it’s about the people in them. Here in rehab, he has his therapists who are helping him through the things in his head he never wanted to touch again. He was angry at first, pissed off that he had to dredge up the past. Except the past is everything that’s keeping him from moving forward and while others told him he had to let it go, he didn’t have the tools to do so till now. He also has the people that are here with him, getting help. Nick has been hesitant to befriend them, because he knows how fleeting this is, but his sober self seems to be friendlier and he can’t help talking to a few of them, getting to know them, helping them along during rough times. They help too, when he just wants to punch someone in the face and has to be reminded that this kind of behavior isn’t healthy and doesn’t lead to keeping those you love around.
Those he loves. He has a few of those people now and those places he thinks are good for him, they’re good because of the people in them more so than anything. Felix’s loft has Felix there, but now Nick is almost positive he and Felix could work anywhere. Matt’s living room has Matt and Aeron and the three kids he’s grown so fond of. And his garden, well, that’s where his mother is. It’s where she always will be, wherever he goes, he knows that now. He loves all the people that have come to see him, that have stuck by him, that haven’t given up on him when they so easily could have.
So when he stands up and starts talking in front of that circle of people, it’s easier than it was when he first got here. He has reasons that are real and clear to him now that he’s sober and working things out. He has people that he loves and wants in his life and more importantly, he’s starting to see things in himself that might be worth loving, too. He’s starting to feel like a person, which is what he’s always so desperately wanted, but didn’t know how. It’s hard, and he’s seen some people leave while he’s been here, he’s seen people complain, he’s seen some unable to get past their demons. It’s hard, but this is his life and for the first time he’s truly excited to let it begin.
Nick Porter/Original Character