Detective Euan Fitzpatrick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovesguinness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-02-08 01:18 pm
lovesguinness) wrote in muserevival2014-02-08 01:18 pm
Entry tags:
055.5. Misc prompt
What's done is done
Euan hadn't want to be one of those guys who flipped their shit when their other half came to tell him they were pregnant. Sure, it was potentially a decent reason to want to flip one's shit, but he had mellowed a lot these days. He had faced so much in the past 10 or so years that he didn't see the point completely losing his cool whenever a curve ball hit. It was life, there were fucking curve balls flying at you from all angles on the regular. Stress was never a good thing because it unleashed the demons of craving for a hit, and he wanted to try to get things more right than wrong these days.
There was no denying that he was nervous and scared about a new bairn being on the way. Being a father was something he had stumbled his way through for the past year and a half, give or take. He had fucked up a lot, and felt helpless, useless, lost, alone even more. He had been a single dad for most of the part, and that had been one of the deciding factors of returning to New York after a time in London with Scotland Yard. Once his son fell seriously ill, Euan hadn't been able to cope on his own. He didn't even know how to try. That first stretch of hospital stays for Ciaran when he had received his diagnosis, every time the boy was asleep, Euan would sit had his bedside holding his wee hand and just cry, because he honestly had no idea what the fuck he was doing, or what he should be doing.
He had tripped and stumbled his way through his first year of fathering. He knew he wasn't up for any father of the year awards or anything. He was far, far from perfect, but the most priceless lesson he learned from his big brother, another guy who was a father to a sick kid, was that being a father didn't mean transforming yourself into another idealistic person. It meant just being you, and trusting your gut instinct. With that advice, and no longer alone in the plight, he started to get more of a knack with it. He learned that one of the most valuable things to him was his wee lad talking to him, trusting him, needing him. Ciaran needed him, and he needed him to be a good dad. Euan had no choice but to become one.
He just had no idea how to be a father to a baby. But it was happening. What's done was done. Jules was knocked up and they both took responsibility for that. It had happened before they even officially hooked up. It had been comfort sex, a phenomenon that Euan had previously been foreign to. They fucked up and forgot protection, but they connection they had that night with the comfort was something Euan would never know how to thank her for, and it had opened up the door to an amazing turn in his life he didn't think he deserved. They were a family now, and they were a team. This was a curve ball they were catching together.
He was sitting on the sofa with the head of a snoozing wee one in his lap, a Disney movie playing on the TV but Euan had turned the sound right down once Ciaran dozed off about a third of the way in. He took a sip of his tea and put the mug down so he could pick up a small package wrapped neatly in green tissue paper that Julie had given him when she arrived home from work and promptly told him she was going to crash because she was exhausted. He opened it quietly, and then pulled out the tiny baby onesie from inside. It was so small, the torso of the wee suit was smaller than his palm.
Looking at it in awe mixed with some niggles of anxiety, he shook his head to himself. Soon, he was going to be a father to something who had a body tiny enough to fit in his hand. It was only then that he realised the niggle in his gut wasn't only anxiety, but excitement. The thing he loved most about his life these days was being a dad, and his son was his pride and joy. But he had missed out on way too many years of his life. This time, he was going to get to do it again, and from scratch.
He brushed his thumb slowly back and forth over the soft fabric of the little suit. The wee person he and Jules made at a time they needed each other the most was going to fit into this one day, and he hugged it against his chest, trying to test drive how that might actually feel. Maybe it was going to be hard, and maybe he would trip and stumble his way through it all again, but one thing he knew for certain was...
This time, he wouldn't fucked it up.
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)
Euan hadn't want to be one of those guys who flipped their shit when their other half came to tell him they were pregnant. Sure, it was potentially a decent reason to want to flip one's shit, but he had mellowed a lot these days. He had faced so much in the past 10 or so years that he didn't see the point completely losing his cool whenever a curve ball hit. It was life, there were fucking curve balls flying at you from all angles on the regular. Stress was never a good thing because it unleashed the demons of craving for a hit, and he wanted to try to get things more right than wrong these days.
There was no denying that he was nervous and scared about a new bairn being on the way. Being a father was something he had stumbled his way through for the past year and a half, give or take. He had fucked up a lot, and felt helpless, useless, lost, alone even more. He had been a single dad for most of the part, and that had been one of the deciding factors of returning to New York after a time in London with Scotland Yard. Once his son fell seriously ill, Euan hadn't been able to cope on his own. He didn't even know how to try. That first stretch of hospital stays for Ciaran when he had received his diagnosis, every time the boy was asleep, Euan would sit had his bedside holding his wee hand and just cry, because he honestly had no idea what the fuck he was doing, or what he should be doing.
He had tripped and stumbled his way through his first year of fathering. He knew he wasn't up for any father of the year awards or anything. He was far, far from perfect, but the most priceless lesson he learned from his big brother, another guy who was a father to a sick kid, was that being a father didn't mean transforming yourself into another idealistic person. It meant just being you, and trusting your gut instinct. With that advice, and no longer alone in the plight, he started to get more of a knack with it. He learned that one of the most valuable things to him was his wee lad talking to him, trusting him, needing him. Ciaran needed him, and he needed him to be a good dad. Euan had no choice but to become one.
He just had no idea how to be a father to a baby. But it was happening. What's done was done. Jules was knocked up and they both took responsibility for that. It had happened before they even officially hooked up. It had been comfort sex, a phenomenon that Euan had previously been foreign to. They fucked up and forgot protection, but they connection they had that night with the comfort was something Euan would never know how to thank her for, and it had opened up the door to an amazing turn in his life he didn't think he deserved. They were a family now, and they were a team. This was a curve ball they were catching together.
He was sitting on the sofa with the head of a snoozing wee one in his lap, a Disney movie playing on the TV but Euan had turned the sound right down once Ciaran dozed off about a third of the way in. He took a sip of his tea and put the mug down so he could pick up a small package wrapped neatly in green tissue paper that Julie had given him when she arrived home from work and promptly told him she was going to crash because she was exhausted. He opened it quietly, and then pulled out the tiny baby onesie from inside. It was so small, the torso of the wee suit was smaller than his palm.
Looking at it in awe mixed with some niggles of anxiety, he shook his head to himself. Soon, he was going to be a father to something who had a body tiny enough to fit in his hand. It was only then that he realised the niggle in his gut wasn't only anxiety, but excitement. The thing he loved most about his life these days was being a dad, and his son was his pride and joy. But he had missed out on way too many years of his life. This time, he was going to get to do it again, and from scratch.
He brushed his thumb slowly back and forth over the soft fabric of the little suit. The wee person he and Jules made at a time they needed each other the most was going to fit into this one day, and he hugged it against his chest, trying to test drive how that might actually feel. Maybe it was going to be hard, and maybe he would trip and stumble his way through it all again, but one thing he knew for certain was...
This time, he wouldn't fucked it up.
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)