Alester Siddons (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
treadingwater) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-02-22 10:21 pm
treadingwater) wrote in muserevival2014-02-22 10:21 pm
(no subject)
"Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now."
In The Arms of Sleep, Smashing Pumpkins
I've always had trouble falling asleep, but it's almost impossible when I'm alone, and I'm usually alone these days. There's was always something about listening to Malvyn's quiet breathing and sensing his presence that helped me finally calm down and slip off to sleep. That, or cuddling against a lover. It's especially hard now that I'm truly alone in my own head and can't even sense the usual mystical background 'noise' of other people, other life, existing. I know there's someone on the other side of this wall but I can't help feeling as though I might be the last person left on this earth. I almost wish my neighbor would start snoring, though I don't suppose that would help the insomnia at all.
The only place I seem to sleep these days is in Gavin's bed--not, unfortunately, while it contains Gavin--but as he sketches or paints away and I pretend to read, but know I'll just end up napping, because for once I feel warm and content. I try not to do this too often, as I don't think it makes me a very attractive houseguest, but I'm not sure I'm going to get more than a few hours sleep tonight in my own bed and I'm so tired.
I've tried simply sleeping during the day, and sometimes it is better, but I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that the truly important ingredient is Gavin. It's probably time I pushed a little and figured out just how hopeless my crush is, but at the same time, I don't really want to know. I need a little hope in my life, I need dreams maybe more than I need anything in reality. I have precious few dreams that aren't nightmares. I try to imagine his arms around me. I already know exactly how his pillow smells. I've learned to live without a lot of things, I suppose I can learn to live without Gavin, but I don't think I can live without hope.
Alester Siddons
Original Character
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now."
In The Arms of Sleep, Smashing Pumpkins
I've always had trouble falling asleep, but it's almost impossible when I'm alone, and I'm usually alone these days. There's was always something about listening to Malvyn's quiet breathing and sensing his presence that helped me finally calm down and slip off to sleep. That, or cuddling against a lover. It's especially hard now that I'm truly alone in my own head and can't even sense the usual mystical background 'noise' of other people, other life, existing. I know there's someone on the other side of this wall but I can't help feeling as though I might be the last person left on this earth. I almost wish my neighbor would start snoring, though I don't suppose that would help the insomnia at all.
The only place I seem to sleep these days is in Gavin's bed--not, unfortunately, while it contains Gavin--but as he sketches or paints away and I pretend to read, but know I'll just end up napping, because for once I feel warm and content. I try not to do this too often, as I don't think it makes me a very attractive houseguest, but I'm not sure I'm going to get more than a few hours sleep tonight in my own bed and I'm so tired.
I've tried simply sleeping during the day, and sometimes it is better, but I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that the truly important ingredient is Gavin. It's probably time I pushed a little and figured out just how hopeless my crush is, but at the same time, I don't really want to know. I need a little hope in my life, I need dreams maybe more than I need anything in reality. I have precious few dreams that aren't nightmares. I try to imagine his arms around me. I already know exactly how his pillow smells. I've learned to live without a lot of things, I suppose I can learn to live without Gavin, but I don't think I can live without hope.
Alester Siddons
Original Character