Detective Euan Fitzpatrick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovesguinness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-03-23 01:19 am
lovesguinness) wrote in muserevival2014-03-23 01:19 am
Quote of the Day 062.
“The moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.”
- Mahmoud El Hallab
Euan felt a pain deep inside his chest as he sat there on the side of the bed listening to his wife cry herself to sleep. She still wouldn’t talk to him... she wouldn’t talk to anyone. No one wanted to push her, because no one knew how this felt. Anyone that did know, she wasn’t ready to face. All she had wanted to do was get out of the hospital, and had turned down all medical tests to try to determine what it was that caused the miscarriage. She wasn’t ready to face those either, and she kept shying away from Euan’s touch when he tried to offer a hug. He didn’t know what hurt more anymore. It was just a constant agonising ache inside that wasn’t subsiding.
In the end, they discharged against medical advice. Euan had promised the doctors handling Julie’s case that he would get her straight back to the hospital if there were any complications, and the social worker agreed that it was best for her to be home in her own bed, in her own space, where she could grieve without feeling like she was being relentlessly poked and prodded to find answers that wouldn’t change the outcome. It wouldn’t bring their baby back. She had died, and Euan hadn’t realised how big a part of his heart had already been taken by the tiny unborn infant until she had been gone, and now it felt like a gaping wound that would never heal.
It was evening, though not very late. The house was quiet now... and still. Too still, even. Up the hall, his son was asleep, the craziness of the last few days taking its toll. Euan had sat with Ciaran until he went to sleep, the boy having renewed issues of separation in the wake of Julie’s miscarriage. Euan just wanted to do whatever he could to alleviate the stress so Ciaran didn’t end up hospitalised again. It was a constant precarious battle with his son’s health, but it was just the hand they had been dealt. It was what it was. But why did they have to go through more of this pain? Surely it should have been time that they had some happiness, or even just a little relenting on the hardship.
Julie was sleep too now, exhausted from the ordeal, the surgery, the crying. Euan had been softly stroking his fingers through her long, red hair and she had wanted him close. He offered more than once to leave her alone but she never took him up on it. Flowers and sympathy cards had been rolling in, and all their wedding gifts lay strewn all over their living room and up the hall, unopened. It was almost impossible to remember how happy he felt on their wedding night. It should never have ended like this.
After pulling the covers more snugly around Julie, he got up, limping over to the switch on the wall to dim the lights right down. He was in a lot of pain from the crazy wedding day and then the endless hours sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. He might be back on his feet, but he was still rehabilitating. It didn’t matter, though. His pain was far secondary to everything else right now. His fingers remained on the switch as he watched her sleeping, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t know how they would recover from this. She had fallen pregnant in error, but it hadn’t been a miserable shock. It had been a happy surprise. After hashing it out together, rationally, they conceded that one day, they would have wanted to try for a baby together, but it had just been fast-forwarded and they wanted to do this. Together. As a family.
Now it had all been ripped away. He quietly went over to the dresser, and pulled out the second drawer down. Inside was a small package wrapped in green tissue paper and he took it out, carrying it back over to the bed to sit down in the spot he vacated. He unfolded the wrapping and then lifted the tiny onesie that looked so small, it should fit a doll. The fabric was soft and he held it up to look at it. It didn’t feel all that long ago that he had done this in such nervous anxiety, but also an excitement of what was to come.
The tissue paper fell to the floor and he held the little baby outfit up to his face and there was no point holding it back. He started to cry, holding it to his cheek. What was to come was gone and it wasn’t coming back. Their wee girl, their baby daughter, she was gone and they would never meet her. He wouldn’t have that awestruck thrill rush through him when he introduced his son to his new baby sister. There was no little person that he and Julie made together at a time when they needed each other the most. He took Julie’s hand softly, gently so he wouldn’t wake her, and hunched over, cradling the baby clothes to his chest with a soft whispered sob of, “I’m sorry.”
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)
- Mahmoud El Hallab
Euan felt a pain deep inside his chest as he sat there on the side of the bed listening to his wife cry herself to sleep. She still wouldn’t talk to him... she wouldn’t talk to anyone. No one wanted to push her, because no one knew how this felt. Anyone that did know, she wasn’t ready to face. All she had wanted to do was get out of the hospital, and had turned down all medical tests to try to determine what it was that caused the miscarriage. She wasn’t ready to face those either, and she kept shying away from Euan’s touch when he tried to offer a hug. He didn’t know what hurt more anymore. It was just a constant agonising ache inside that wasn’t subsiding.
In the end, they discharged against medical advice. Euan had promised the doctors handling Julie’s case that he would get her straight back to the hospital if there were any complications, and the social worker agreed that it was best for her to be home in her own bed, in her own space, where she could grieve without feeling like she was being relentlessly poked and prodded to find answers that wouldn’t change the outcome. It wouldn’t bring their baby back. She had died, and Euan hadn’t realised how big a part of his heart had already been taken by the tiny unborn infant until she had been gone, and now it felt like a gaping wound that would never heal.
It was evening, though not very late. The house was quiet now... and still. Too still, even. Up the hall, his son was asleep, the craziness of the last few days taking its toll. Euan had sat with Ciaran until he went to sleep, the boy having renewed issues of separation in the wake of Julie’s miscarriage. Euan just wanted to do whatever he could to alleviate the stress so Ciaran didn’t end up hospitalised again. It was a constant precarious battle with his son’s health, but it was just the hand they had been dealt. It was what it was. But why did they have to go through more of this pain? Surely it should have been time that they had some happiness, or even just a little relenting on the hardship.
Julie was sleep too now, exhausted from the ordeal, the surgery, the crying. Euan had been softly stroking his fingers through her long, red hair and she had wanted him close. He offered more than once to leave her alone but she never took him up on it. Flowers and sympathy cards had been rolling in, and all their wedding gifts lay strewn all over their living room and up the hall, unopened. It was almost impossible to remember how happy he felt on their wedding night. It should never have ended like this.
After pulling the covers more snugly around Julie, he got up, limping over to the switch on the wall to dim the lights right down. He was in a lot of pain from the crazy wedding day and then the endless hours sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. He might be back on his feet, but he was still rehabilitating. It didn’t matter, though. His pain was far secondary to everything else right now. His fingers remained on the switch as he watched her sleeping, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t know how they would recover from this. She had fallen pregnant in error, but it hadn’t been a miserable shock. It had been a happy surprise. After hashing it out together, rationally, they conceded that one day, they would have wanted to try for a baby together, but it had just been fast-forwarded and they wanted to do this. Together. As a family.
Now it had all been ripped away. He quietly went over to the dresser, and pulled out the second drawer down. Inside was a small package wrapped in green tissue paper and he took it out, carrying it back over to the bed to sit down in the spot he vacated. He unfolded the wrapping and then lifted the tiny onesie that looked so small, it should fit a doll. The fabric was soft and he held it up to look at it. It didn’t feel all that long ago that he had done this in such nervous anxiety, but also an excitement of what was to come.
The tissue paper fell to the floor and he held the little baby outfit up to his face and there was no point holding it back. He started to cry, holding it to his cheek. What was to come was gone and it wasn’t coming back. Their wee girl, their baby daughter, she was gone and they would never meet her. He wouldn’t have that awestruck thrill rush through him when he introduced his son to his new baby sister. There was no little person that he and Julie made together at a time when they needed each other the most. He took Julie’s hand softly, gently so he wouldn’t wake her, and hunched over, cradling the baby clothes to his chest with a soft whispered sob of, “I’m sorry.”
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)