Detective Julie Gresham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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muserevival2014-04-11 09:40 pm
hotbrassdance) wrote in muserevival2014-04-11 09:40 pm
Entry tags:
063.1. Muse prompt
"But I'm only human, And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human, And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human."
• Human, Christina Perri
With lovesguinness, follows this and this
The first three days, Euan had gotten a cab to and from the hospital. By day four, with the only side effect he seemed to have so far being tiredness, he was pretty convinced he had this in the bag and it would be no big deal. But then, denial and avoidance was always the easy way out. It was only after being sprung in the Oncology Unit by Lachlan that the self-denial and avoidance became an impossibility. At the end of day four, Lachlan had given him a lift home because it had been raining after his appointment and he would have had to stand outside to flag a cab.
If third time was a charm, then the fourth time was a fucking arse. Tiredness wasn't the only thing he was feeling now, but he didn't want to talk about it and Lachlan seemed to respect that. At least, until they pulled up in the drive and the Scottish doctor offered to help him inside. Euan flat out refused, of course. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was stubbornness, or maybe it was just a fear of conceding defeat yet. It was still drizzling when he got home, making it seem darker than it actually was. It was afternoon, not even near dusk yet and he fumbled his keys out of the pocket of his leather jacket with his shaky hand. He was nauseous and it was getting increasingly worse. All he could be grateful for was that Ciaran would be at Mandy's, who was homeschooling him now when Euan pulled him from public school after he got bullied and had another long period of hospitalisation. And Noah wasn't home either. He was spending the next couple of nights with Dillon to celebrate Dillon's three month sober milestone. Julie wouldn't be home. She seemed to need to be anywhere but home right now, at least, so Euan thought.
It soon became an urgency as he hurried to get the door unlocked. It was shoved open roughly, the keys still dangling in the lock, and he stumbled the short distance up the hall to the main bathroom with his hand clamped over his mouth. The toilet seat made a loud clatter when he flicked it up, holding it there as he got violently sick. His legs felt like they were turning to jello and he sunk to his knees with only narrowly missing hurting himself by holding the edge of the vanity with a white knuckle grip. Then just when he thought it was passing, it started all over again. This was like detox, only the pain felt so much worse. This was a nightmare he had never wanted to face again.
He didn't know how long he had been slumped over the toilet bowl throwing up, but it eventually seemed to ease. He had his head resting against his arm, trying to catch his breath, and he was sweating from head to toe like a fucking pig. He stayed there, unwilling to move because he wasn't convinced he was going to be able to get back on his feet safely just yet. Probably a wise choice, considering his head soon began to spin and he passed out, slumped back against the bath tub for an indeterminate amount of time.
That was where Julie found him. She came home from a short walk down to the park a couple of blocks away. The front door was open, and Euan's keys hanging from the lock. Her stomach felt like it leapt up into her throat and she had bolted through the house shouting his name. Had he been robbed and someone stole his keys, coming here to break in to their house? That was just one of an impressive amount of scenarios that flashed through her mind in the very short time between getting home and finding her husband passed out cold on the bathroom floor. She had been dreading this, but she was oblivious to the fact that it was for all the wrong reasons.
She crouched down in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders and squeezing sharply, trying to rouse him. "Euan!" she pleaded and when his head just lolled to the side, she pressed her fingers to his throat to check for a pulse and found herself looking around frantically for an empty booze bottle, pills, or even lines cut on whatever flat surface was available. He had to be using again, and was it her fault? She pushed him away when they lost the baby because she felt like she had failed him and taken something away from them that was supposed to be happy and amazing? His heart was still beating, he was breathing but there was a shallowness to it. "Wake the fuck up, you bastard! Don't do this to me! Don't fucking do this!" she said with a small sob, trawling through the pockets of his jacket to find where he might have been stashing the drugs. They were all empty save for his wallet and cell phone.
Euan came-to then, woozy and disoriented. Julie's voice registered to him, though, and he realised she was holding his head up by his chin cupped in her hand. "Jules..." he mumbled, wishing he could get his brain, mouth and body to cooperate with him right now.
Julie turned the cold tap of the bath on behind him and she scooped some water up with her palm to hold it to his mouth. She was scared to let go of him to get a glass in case he did something like have a seizure on her. She knew all about him passing out at the memorial service. Only as an afterthought, though. Apparently he had been taken to the ER in an ambulance but he had checked himself out before the could do much. At least, that was the version she had been given and she was none-the-wiser to anything else. That was when she had started having the awful suspicions she hadn't wanted to have. She hated herself for them, and she tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. But now? She couldn't. This had given her a scare and her emotions were so frayed they were barely held together anymore. "What have you fucking taken?!" she demanded tearfully once he had a small drink and seemed a little more lucid.
This was probably the part he should have conceded. He should have laid down the truth. But no. Instead, those all-too-familiar walls started to fly up around him and instead of leaning on his wife - for better or worse, in sickness and in health - he got angry. It was like something inside just snapped. He didn't even really know how he managed to get up off the floor feeling the way he was. It was only once he was standing that all this seemed to be a perfect cover story. Everyone was just going to think he was using. They fucking expected it of him. He was an addict. It was only a matter of time before he fucking fell off the wagon and destroyed himself again, so maybe this would spare them the pain that would come with the truth? "Fuckin' everything'!" he growled, but there was no punch behind it. No energy. The anger was still there nonetheless. "Is that what ya' wanted t'hear, huh? Ya' fuckin' married a scumbag addict who can't change! Well, more fuckin' fool of ya'!"
"So the whole thing was just a fucking piece of shit act, was it? Telling me you loved me? Proposing? Getting married? It was all too fucking hard for you to pull off! The first fucking sign at a hurdle or pain, you fucking fold, you weak bastard!" Julie screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks and she had pushed herself back up against the wall, hugging her arms around herself. Her hand came up to claw her damp hair back out of her eyes. "I believed you. I fucking believed that you wanted to be that person you showed everyone you could be. I thought I failed you not being able to carry our baby to full term, to give you something that would be a sign of everything you have pulled off to get here! I believed you!"
Her words felt like they were physically slicing through Euan and causing bloodshed. He had his back to her, fists resting on the surface of the vanity and looking down into the sink as she screamed up him, and he could hear the anger rapidly building in her own words. His wedding ring was cutting into his skin with how tight his had his fists clenched and once she finished, he turned around and he pulled it off his finger with far too much ease than he had expected. It was looser on his finger than it had been the day of their wedding, giving him a spike of fear that made him feel like he was being kicked in the guts. "Now you don't have to do me anymore fuckin' favours, you stupid fuckin' bitch!" he spat back, slamming the wedding ring into the wall and pushing past her to leave the bathroom.
Julie wasn't a weak sap, though. Maybe that was one of the biggest reasons she had always been able to put up with his shit. Maybe it was that, no matter how much this was feeling like it was killing her inside, she wasn't going to let the bastard just walk out without the last word. She shot out after him and grabbed him by the shoulder, pushing him roughly up against the wall with one hand and giving him a hard slap in the face with the other. "That's the last time you call be a fucking stupid bitch!" she hissed, twisting her hand further around the handful of his shirt at his shoulder. It tugged down, exposing his collarbone, and that was when she let go almost as if the fabric had burned her and took a step back from him, paling.
The rest of him was a lot more painful than the slapped cheek, though she always did have a healthy right-hook, so it went without saying that her slaps were infamous. All he did was stay there, the wall holding him up, and dropped his head back against it, closing his eyes. Since Julie lost the baby, they hadn't been intimate. They hadn't slept together since the night before the wedding, so of course there had been none of that in the last week. The way she had grabbed his shirt, tearing the collar of his shirt down far enough away to expose the central line inserted just below his collarbone. He didn't say anything. He couldn't keep up the ruse for her anymore. He couldn't even keep it up for himself. All he did was slide down the wall when his legs got too weak to hold him up, and he broke down in tears he had he been holding back since he got the diagnosis in the hours following their unborn daughter's memorial service.
Julie & Euan Fitzpatrick // Original Characters
I'm only human, And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human."
• Human, Christina Perri
lovesguinness, follows this and thisThe first three days, Euan had gotten a cab to and from the hospital. By day four, with the only side effect he seemed to have so far being tiredness, he was pretty convinced he had this in the bag and it would be no big deal. But then, denial and avoidance was always the easy way out. It was only after being sprung in the Oncology Unit by Lachlan that the self-denial and avoidance became an impossibility. At the end of day four, Lachlan had given him a lift home because it had been raining after his appointment and he would have had to stand outside to flag a cab.
If third time was a charm, then the fourth time was a fucking arse. Tiredness wasn't the only thing he was feeling now, but he didn't want to talk about it and Lachlan seemed to respect that. At least, until they pulled up in the drive and the Scottish doctor offered to help him inside. Euan flat out refused, of course. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was stubbornness, or maybe it was just a fear of conceding defeat yet. It was still drizzling when he got home, making it seem darker than it actually was. It was afternoon, not even near dusk yet and he fumbled his keys out of the pocket of his leather jacket with his shaky hand. He was nauseous and it was getting increasingly worse. All he could be grateful for was that Ciaran would be at Mandy's, who was homeschooling him now when Euan pulled him from public school after he got bullied and had another long period of hospitalisation. And Noah wasn't home either. He was spending the next couple of nights with Dillon to celebrate Dillon's three month sober milestone. Julie wouldn't be home. She seemed to need to be anywhere but home right now, at least, so Euan thought.
It soon became an urgency as he hurried to get the door unlocked. It was shoved open roughly, the keys still dangling in the lock, and he stumbled the short distance up the hall to the main bathroom with his hand clamped over his mouth. The toilet seat made a loud clatter when he flicked it up, holding it there as he got violently sick. His legs felt like they were turning to jello and he sunk to his knees with only narrowly missing hurting himself by holding the edge of the vanity with a white knuckle grip. Then just when he thought it was passing, it started all over again. This was like detox, only the pain felt so much worse. This was a nightmare he had never wanted to face again.
He didn't know how long he had been slumped over the toilet bowl throwing up, but it eventually seemed to ease. He had his head resting against his arm, trying to catch his breath, and he was sweating from head to toe like a fucking pig. He stayed there, unwilling to move because he wasn't convinced he was going to be able to get back on his feet safely just yet. Probably a wise choice, considering his head soon began to spin and he passed out, slumped back against the bath tub for an indeterminate amount of time.
That was where Julie found him. She came home from a short walk down to the park a couple of blocks away. The front door was open, and Euan's keys hanging from the lock. Her stomach felt like it leapt up into her throat and she had bolted through the house shouting his name. Had he been robbed and someone stole his keys, coming here to break in to their house? That was just one of an impressive amount of scenarios that flashed through her mind in the very short time between getting home and finding her husband passed out cold on the bathroom floor. She had been dreading this, but she was oblivious to the fact that it was for all the wrong reasons.
She crouched down in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders and squeezing sharply, trying to rouse him. "Euan!" she pleaded and when his head just lolled to the side, she pressed her fingers to his throat to check for a pulse and found herself looking around frantically for an empty booze bottle, pills, or even lines cut on whatever flat surface was available. He had to be using again, and was it her fault? She pushed him away when they lost the baby because she felt like she had failed him and taken something away from them that was supposed to be happy and amazing? His heart was still beating, he was breathing but there was a shallowness to it. "Wake the fuck up, you bastard! Don't do this to me! Don't fucking do this!" she said with a small sob, trawling through the pockets of his jacket to find where he might have been stashing the drugs. They were all empty save for his wallet and cell phone.
Euan came-to then, woozy and disoriented. Julie's voice registered to him, though, and he realised she was holding his head up by his chin cupped in her hand. "Jules..." he mumbled, wishing he could get his brain, mouth and body to cooperate with him right now.
Julie turned the cold tap of the bath on behind him and she scooped some water up with her palm to hold it to his mouth. She was scared to let go of him to get a glass in case he did something like have a seizure on her. She knew all about him passing out at the memorial service. Only as an afterthought, though. Apparently he had been taken to the ER in an ambulance but he had checked himself out before the could do much. At least, that was the version she had been given and she was none-the-wiser to anything else. That was when she had started having the awful suspicions she hadn't wanted to have. She hated herself for them, and she tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. But now? She couldn't. This had given her a scare and her emotions were so frayed they were barely held together anymore. "What have you fucking taken?!" she demanded tearfully once he had a small drink and seemed a little more lucid.
This was probably the part he should have conceded. He should have laid down the truth. But no. Instead, those all-too-familiar walls started to fly up around him and instead of leaning on his wife - for better or worse, in sickness and in health - he got angry. It was like something inside just snapped. He didn't even really know how he managed to get up off the floor feeling the way he was. It was only once he was standing that all this seemed to be a perfect cover story. Everyone was just going to think he was using. They fucking expected it of him. He was an addict. It was only a matter of time before he fucking fell off the wagon and destroyed himself again, so maybe this would spare them the pain that would come with the truth? "Fuckin' everything'!" he growled, but there was no punch behind it. No energy. The anger was still there nonetheless. "Is that what ya' wanted t'hear, huh? Ya' fuckin' married a scumbag addict who can't change! Well, more fuckin' fool of ya'!"
"So the whole thing was just a fucking piece of shit act, was it? Telling me you loved me? Proposing? Getting married? It was all too fucking hard for you to pull off! The first fucking sign at a hurdle or pain, you fucking fold, you weak bastard!" Julie screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks and she had pushed herself back up against the wall, hugging her arms around herself. Her hand came up to claw her damp hair back out of her eyes. "I believed you. I fucking believed that you wanted to be that person you showed everyone you could be. I thought I failed you not being able to carry our baby to full term, to give you something that would be a sign of everything you have pulled off to get here! I believed you!"
Her words felt like they were physically slicing through Euan and causing bloodshed. He had his back to her, fists resting on the surface of the vanity and looking down into the sink as she screamed up him, and he could hear the anger rapidly building in her own words. His wedding ring was cutting into his skin with how tight his had his fists clenched and once she finished, he turned around and he pulled it off his finger with far too much ease than he had expected. It was looser on his finger than it had been the day of their wedding, giving him a spike of fear that made him feel like he was being kicked in the guts. "Now you don't have to do me anymore fuckin' favours, you stupid fuckin' bitch!" he spat back, slamming the wedding ring into the wall and pushing past her to leave the bathroom.
Julie wasn't a weak sap, though. Maybe that was one of the biggest reasons she had always been able to put up with his shit. Maybe it was that, no matter how much this was feeling like it was killing her inside, she wasn't going to let the bastard just walk out without the last word. She shot out after him and grabbed him by the shoulder, pushing him roughly up against the wall with one hand and giving him a hard slap in the face with the other. "That's the last time you call be a fucking stupid bitch!" she hissed, twisting her hand further around the handful of his shirt at his shoulder. It tugged down, exposing his collarbone, and that was when she let go almost as if the fabric had burned her and took a step back from him, paling.
The rest of him was a lot more painful than the slapped cheek, though she always did have a healthy right-hook, so it went without saying that her slaps were infamous. All he did was stay there, the wall holding him up, and dropped his head back against it, closing his eyes. Since Julie lost the baby, they hadn't been intimate. They hadn't slept together since the night before the wedding, so of course there had been none of that in the last week. The way she had grabbed his shirt, tearing the collar of his shirt down far enough away to expose the central line inserted just below his collarbone. He didn't say anything. He couldn't keep up the ruse for her anymore. He couldn't even keep it up for himself. All he did was slide down the wall when his legs got too weak to hold him up, and he broke down in tears he had he been holding back since he got the diagnosis in the hours following their unborn daughter's memorial service.
Julie & Euan Fitzpatrick // Original Characters