Going Back

It took a long time for me to believe that going to therapy wasn't evidence of how much of a failure I was. Failure as sister, a wife, a mother, a human. I thought I hated myself when I gave up my baby for adopted all those years ago, but this was worse. I didn't understand why I kept fucking up and hurting the people I love more than life itself. There is no life without any of them. So, why was I such a coward and ran away?

( Because running was easy. Running, I could control. Running wasn't killing my brother with cancer, killing my child to suicide, crippling my husband with an illness I couldn't spell, let alone understand... )

Gen Hart ♥
Original Character

"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life." - Unknown

Angela had set herself a daily goal: to visit her son without crying and feeling like an attempted baby murderer. It was hard. Fear, doubt, guilt, hopelessness; they were all bottled up inside her and it felt like a losing battle. She didn’t understand why it was so hard for her to connect with her newborn son, but of course, she was now trying to sort through it with a therapist. Oh, how she didn’t envy a therapist’s job, working day in, day out, with people who believed they couldn’t get better or just plain chose not to because staying miserable was easier anything else. The fighters, the survivors, they didn’t get to have those badges of honour without a fight. Fighting is what she had to do, if she could somehow figure out how.

( The ordeal had left her broken and damaged, and it wasn’t for the first time in her life either... )

angela ashwood
- original character -

"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life." - Unknown

There was never a time in Harry's career as a dancer did he want to quit, but all week, he wanted to give up. Rehearsal after rehearsal, class after class. Finals were upon then. Which was one thing in his busy schedule. He hadn't been remembering to eat, but lost his appetite anyway. On top of that, he had another lead in a production that he had been working so hard on that he had no time left for anything else. He went from class during the day to rehearsing during the evenings, and would come home and go straight to bed. He hadn't even remembered to shower some days.

( Then he stopped being able to sleep, because all the stress and anxiety seemed to build up as soon as he got into bed... )

harry matheson
- original character -

"Count your blessings, not your problems." - Unknown

Times like this, Lewis was grateful to have a large extended family. Lorenzo understandably held firm on wanting to stay at the hospital to see Clint as soon as he could, and also meet their new nephew. Richie was going to bring him home afterwards, so Lewis could finally take Holly home. She was exhausted and didn't want to be put down. It was late morning, but everyone had been up all night. He didn't care about the time, he needed to get their daughter down to sleep, whatever tactics he needed to enlist to manage it.

( Holly was clingy and upset. She cried again when they left the hospital once she realised her daddy wasn't coming with them... )

Lewis Sheldon ~ Original Character

"But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know."
• Hold On, Good Charlotte

Angela woke up in a Recovery Room with absolutely no idea what had happened. The pain was unbearable and she felt more ill than she thought she ever had in her life. It was chaotic. Too chaotic for her recently-sedated brain to be able to latch onto anything to get her bearings. Nurses, people in scrubs, were trying to talk to her, but the pain was attacking all her senses and she couldn't comprehend what they were saying. Could pain be so loud? She didn't know. She didn't know anything in that moment. All she could do was cry, and crying seemed to make it all worse. She passed out from the pain before anything they gave her to counteract it had a chance to work.

( The second time she woke, at least that she knew of, it was a polar opposite sensation... )

angela ashwood
- original character -

"I've been standing in the rain
Drenched and soaked with pain
Tired of short time benefits
And being exposed to the elements
I'm homeward bound
Got my head turned around"
• Going Back to My Roots, Odyssey

After staring out the plane without without really taking in anything of the view of the fluffy clouds as far as the eye could see, Hunter closed his eyes when his jumble of thoughts converged in his head without relief. You couldn’t always lean on the luxury of rational reasoning when you were in emotional overload and your heart was far too involved to let the head rule. The empty seat beside him was taunting him, reminding him he was alone. He tried putting his flight bag there to fill the space, but it was no substitute for what - or who - he really wanted there.

( He didn’t know why he was feeling so winded and drained. He knew what the situation was, and how it could spiral out of control. He knew there was no guarantee everything would be static. He knew it wouldn't be an easy road... )

hunter alexander | original character
( cruz appears here with love and permission )

"I'm trying, but I keep falling down;
I cry out, but nothing comes now.
I'm giving my all,
And I know peace will come;
I never wanted to need someone."
• Helium, Sia

(OOC: inspired by the reunion between Jyn and Cassian (candor1) at sixthiterationlogs)

There's a moment, before Jyn closes her eyes to attempt to fall back asleep for what feels like the hundredth time that evening - when her gaze is lazily wandering amongst the dying flames of the fire, its fading heat pulled away from her skin - that she feels a jolt of dread. It's a dull jolt, not as sharp or bright as the pain she'd felt when she'd crawled out of the fountain hours ago - the one that almost gutted her there, out in the open, when she'd realized she'd somehow been spared on the beaches of Scarif. The one that nearly sliced her from neck to navel at the sudden and overwhelming tidal wave of Cassian's absence. It has lost some of its strength in those hours, now lulled and quelled by the faint sound of his breathing behind her, the tickle of his exhaled air on the back of her neck, the warmth of it seeping into her skin and replacing the kiss of the flames. His arm feels heavy, resting on top of her, but grounding - like a tether to keep her firmly on the earth, lest she float up and away into the stratosphere in an attempt to find her version of safety (which only meant excruciating solitude - the need to self-protect is stifling and suffocating).

( His breathing is steady, hypnotic - better than any amount of luna-weed or Spice that she could have ever hoped to ingest )

"They told you life is hard
It's misery from the start
It's dull and slow and painful
I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more
Be grateful."
• Life Is Sweet, Natalie Merchant

non-graphic sexual references
Hunter was lying on his stomach when wakefulness slowly trickled back to him. He became aware of a cosy warmth surrounding him and, soon, that he had an arm around him. His eyes battled opening and he blinked a few times once he pried them open a little. He wasn't in his own bed. The sheets were different, and the window was on the wrong side of the room. As soon as he got a little more consciousness, he found Cruz lying beside him, watching him. Cruz smiled softly. Hunter returned it sleepily.

( They were both naked between the sheets, and he could feel Cruz's thumb stroking tiny little circles somewhere near his shoulder blade... )

hunter alexander | original character

"Don't lose hope
Even though you can't see it I know
Things are getting better
Don't let go
We are here with you, you know
Everyone needs time
So don't lose hope."
• Don't Lose Hope, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Hunter woke early that morning with a pounding headache. It was still dark, so he grabbed his phone to use the torch, not wanting to bump into anything or trip over and break his neck. He found his way to the bathroom, and went inside before he switched the light on, closing the door over behind him but not shutting it fully. It was a completely unfamiliar bathroom, and he was naked. He went up to the sink, bracing his hands on the edge of it and stared blankly at himself in the mirror.

( The last thing he should be doing the morning after talking someone down from a twelfth storey ledge was waking up naked in a stranger's bed. In the cold sobering light of the morning, he felt the guilt begin to set in... )

hunter alexander | original character
( cruz appears here with love and permission )

"Amazing how manageable life can feel with only one blanket and the right two arms." - Tyler Knott Gregson

Caring for someone could take on many forms. It just so happened that doing laundry was one of them. Like many, Sasha wasn't exactly a fan of doing laundry, but his mom had given him a Mom Talk before he came to stay with Justin and his dad about being a guest boarding with someone else and ensuring he pulled his weight with things like chores, cooking, and laundry. Typically, he was a messy teenager. This wasn't a typical situation, and he wanted to prove he could be mature and responsible here. That was the territory the needed proving right now, with him trying to step up and show he could take care of Justin when he was sick. Or even when he wasn't. Just in general. It was the little things. That was what mattered.

( Justin had an appointment with his psychiatrist, so his dad took him along to that. Sasha got busy doing all their laundry, unstacking the dishwasher, and changing the bed clothes on Justin's bed. Then he sort of felt a bit lost, worrying how Justin was getting on... )

sasha stanford ( oc )

"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves – a special kind of double." - Unknown

Life was full of difficult choices. For Amarlie, she had been putting off making this one in particular, hoping her gut instinct might be proven wrong. Once it was made, though, she knew she couldn't cope with it any other way but to just do it and not talk herself out of it. She knew if she had to say goodbye to Justin, it would tear her apart. She didn't want to say goodbye. It was why she just bought the one-way plane ticket, packed, and got in a cab to go to the airport alone.

( But her brother was headstrong. Not because he was stubborn, but because he was determined. When he felt something, he felt it with passion. Apparently letting Amarlie go home without seeing her was one of those things... )

Amarlie-Rose Satori {Original Character}

"I hear loves songs playing on the radio
People slow dancing everywhere I go
Well I'm a good slow dancer but you'd never know
Cause everybody's got somebody but me
Yeah they do."
• Everybody's Got Somebody But Me, Hunter Hayes

When Sam woke, he was groggy and disoriented from having been in a deep sleep. When he shifted to automatically reach to turn his clock towards him, he realised someone was beside him on the bed, and they were holding his hand gently against his chest. He started, not expecting company in his bed. It had been awhile since he woke up with anyone beside him. He squinted through the sleepy haze, taking in Lisa lying there beside him, sleeping. Her other hand was resting on his stomach. She was still fully clothed in the the outfit she arrived in to check on him the day before when he hadn't been well.

( He couldn't stop a heavy sigh escaping him... )

Dr. Sam Campbell
Original Character

"Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise
The day you walked in and changed my life
I think it's amazing,
The way that love can set you free
So now I walk in the midday sun
I never thought that my saviour would come
I think it's amazing
I think you're amazing."
• Amazing, George Michael

This was a day Sasha would never forget. He had assumed that in coming on this trip to London with Justin and his family, that everything they did would be as a group. That had been fine with him, he had just been excited as all shit to be invited along. He and Justin still had time together when they were with his family. They had never once made Sasha feel like he wasn't welcome. There was only one person who made him feel like that, but that story didn't have a place on this trip.

Not that day. That day, they decided they wanted some time alone together, so Amarlie and Justin's mom jumped on the chance to hit London's shopping district and Mr Campbell arrange to catch up with an old college mate who was also a lawyer here in London. It worked out really well. The first stop had been Paddington Station. Sasha would be lying if he said he hadn't been excited about dropping by there. He had grown up on Paddington Bear, which was a special connection between him and his grandmother, who had been born in England.

( Justin had done so many amazing things for Sasha since they met, that he wanted to do something special for him... )

sasha stanford ( oc )
justin's words are all his own

"Waiting for that change of season
Oh the winter's been so long
Searching for that rhyme or reason
You've just got to move on
Hold it together, move on
Life's so short, move on
Only time will set you free."
• Move On, George Michael

As the ship pulled away from Saw, Jyn felt the familiar stab of pain in her chest. It was the same one she felt as she watched her Mama and Papa talking to Krennic as a child. The same pain she felt as she witnessed the sight of her Mama's lifeless body, her Papa mourning and cradling the corpse in his arms. It was the same pain she felt as she waited in the bunker, woken up time and again by those infuriating water droplets, threatening to erode her skin and bone away with enough time. It was the same pain she felt when she realized, jolted awake by the sound of the metal hatch being moved, waiting desperately for the familiar melody of her Mama's voice or her Papa calling her Stardust, that both of her parents were gone.

( She wanted to shove a blaster down Saw's throat. )

Jyn Erso
Rogue One

"Drugs made me feel more normal." - Carrie Fisher

Kip had spent about the last week, give or take, wanting to be dead. He was convinced death had to be easier than the nightmare he was trying to keep living through. Worst part of all, he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He was the dickhead who got hooked on drugs and booze too young - or at all - and he was the one who had done nothing up to this point to try to get help. Even now, it was less about actively getting help and more having no choice but to take it.

( Detox was hell. It was living, breathing hell on earth... )

+ KIP PRYOR (oc)

"It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all."
• Amnesia, 5 Seconds of Summer

One of the upsides -- or maybe downsides -- to being legally an adult was that Will's parents felt a lot more comfortable leaving him home alone these days. He was okay with it, to be sure, considering that, after his breakup with Justin, he really just mostly wanted to be alone. He did appreciate the kindness of friends reaching out to him -- especially Layla and Cassidy. But that didn't take away the pain of loss and heartbreak. It didn't take away how much he missed Justin... how much he longed to just take a nap with Justin beside him.

( TW: Underage alcohol use )


Will Jackson||Original Character

"Startin' right now I'm startin' all over
Doin' what I should do
Should this be my last, or I've got a hundred years
From this day on I'm gonna live my life
Like I got one day left to live."
• One Day Left to Live, Sammy Kershaw

It was no secret that Flynn's life had nearly been taken by cancer. It was no secret that ever since then, his attitude had been living in the moment, because you were never guaranteed a tomorrow. Since going into remission, he had become a high profile, high class hooker and a self-made millionaire. However, not once in his plans did owning a nightclub factor in. The only reason that was currently on his book of assets was because he hadn't wanted Cole to lose everything when he crashed and burned, sinking beyond rock-bottom, and then some.

Cole had been one of Flynn's closest friends for a long time, but he was a severe addict. For awhile, owning the nightclub was like Disneyland for an addict. He could control drug deals right under his nose, and have his fingers in his pick of drug pies. The club was an incredible success, there was no doubt about that. But it had proven to be one of Cole's biggest downfalls when the addiction got so bad, he went bankrupt and nearly lost it. That was when Flynn had stepped up and purchased it, though he always only saw it as babysitting it until Cole got cleaned up and could take control of it again. The only question was, with Cole having severe PTSD from his time in them military, his suicide attempts had exacerbated. Not only was there no guarantee Cole would get clean, but there was no guarantee he would live.

( Still, Flynn did what he had to... )

flynn hunter
[ original character ]
cole + jett used with permission

"It's hard to really compare new love and old love." - Hugh Heffner

Justin had woken early that morning, and had carefully gotten up so he didn't wake Sasha. It took a lot for Sasha to finally fall asleep after the trauma of Andi passing away, the last thing Justin wanted to do was disrupt him now he was. He needed his medication, and although he wasn't at all fond of administering his own injections, he didn't prolong the inevitable. The hesitation left him with a red mark on his thigh that would inevitably bruise. The pen was easy to use, but he still hated it. The quicker he got it over with, the better.

The short walk he took was for some fresh air and trying to clear his head. Sasha and his parents didn't live right in Boston city. It was the suburbs area, but Justin didn't know one part of Boston from the other. It was pretty, though he didn't go far. He knew there were shops nearby because Sasha had spoken about walking his dad down there in the wheelchair for ice cream. It was freezing. Justin felt the cold, so he had borrowed an extra sweat, a scarf, some gloves, and a hat from Sasha's closet. He knew his new boyfriend wouldn't mind.

( A lot was on his mind as he walked, hands in his pockets and Apple Music playing through his earbuds from his phone... )

Justin Campbell
Original Character

"If you aren't in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret." - Jim Carrey

Reecy needed some breathing space and thinking time. She got into her car, and just started to drive, and kept driving until she got to the outskirts of Manhattan. She didn't really have a destination. She had wheels and music to help her clear her mind. Where she ended up was Atlantic City. It might be winter, but there was something sobering about sand and waves. Atlantic City was a lively place, but she wasn't here for the boardwalk or the casinos.

She sent a text to her dad and told him not to worry about her, but she had to turn her phone off for awhile. Hopefully there were no emergencies. Though, she wasn't running away. Needing space and running away were two entirely different things. She felt less like she was running away, and more like she was trying to find her way up to this crossroads in her life to know which way she was supposed to turn.

( Parking had been a bit of a nightmare. She pulled up and looked out the windows, trying to decide if she wanted to battle the cold sea breeze... )

Reecy Chester
{ Original Character }

"Am I asking all these questions for nothing?
I'm wondering if anyone's there
And I really need to make a confession
I hate to say that I'm a little bit scared."
• Understand, Shawn Mendes

Ainsley knew Ange was going to be mad at him when he'd come up with the idea of getting a tattoo with a forged signature on the permission slip. He honestly hadn't even been a hundred percent sure it was going to work, but Jace had gone for it, and Ains had been beyond thrilled that he was about to get his first ink ever. Angela had told him absolutely not until he was 18, but with the occasion of his birthday just having passed, and Jace being a friend of the family besides, Ainsley knew that it was his best bet to go to Jace for a tattoo. Well, that and the fact that Clint had scared him stiff when it came to seeing an artist he didn't know to ink his body.

( So Jace it was, and the ploy had worked... )

"I prefer physical exhaustion over mental fatigue any day." - Clotilde Hesme

Solitude was sometimes as vital as air. Justin had lost track of how long he had been sitting there on the small stretch of sand, listening to the water lap against the shore. His grandparents had this portion of sand all to themselves on the edge of Sydney Harbour. Luckily, the water wasn't rough enough today that he didn't have anyone wanting to try to get in his way of needing some time alone for a breather.

Justin knew he was a basketcase, but he also knew he wasn't the only person in the world who sometimes just needed a time out from everything. Sensory overload meant everything was too loud, too bright, too hot, too cold... too much. It was like running the gauntlet convincing everyone he should be alone, and to actually let him out the door. Promising that he wouldn't go too far did the trick.

( At first, he didn't even let himself think... )

Justin Campbell
Original Character

"Every new beginning
comes from some other
beginning's end."
- "Closing Time," Semisonic

It was another call in the middle of the night, the same as it had been the first time. Fumbling in the dark for the vibrating, screaming device on his nightstand, Isak tried to pick it up but ended up flinging it a few feet away from the bed. With a disgruntled grumble, he kicked the covers off, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and dragged his feet over to where the phone was. By the time he'd picked it up, it had gone to voicemail.

"Jävlar!" he shouted, squinting his eyes at the brightness of the screen. He saw that it had been his mother, as he had suspected. She was one of the only people disregard what time it was in New York whenever she decided to call. He made his way back over to the bed and plopped down on the edge of it, debating in his mentally fuzzy state whether to wait for the voicemail or simply call her back. He decided to wait.

( After three, then four, then five minutes passed, he realized she wasn't leaving a voicemail. )

Word Count | 885

"Every new beginning
comes from some other
beginning's end."
• Closing Time, Semisonic

This place felt like the biggest gay nightclub in the entire world all of a sudden. Everywhere Domino looked, she could see gay men in various stages of undress, and various levels of foreplay... but not the one dick she was trying to hunt down. It was some extremely lovely views, she couldn't deny that. Normally, she would be soaking this up, and maybe trying to find a sexy chick to hook up with for the night herself. She couldn't let her focus slip on trying to hunt Spencer down, though. He could well be still on a collision course of self-destruction, and it would kill her if she stopped only to get a horrific phone call that he was had showed up in a New York ER as a DOA.

( That was her biggest fear. Spencer was the only family she had, he just happened to be one of the biggest pains in the ass on the face of the earth right now... )

Domino Chance
Original Character
♥

"Some days are just bad days, that's all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness, and I remind myself that not every day is going to be a good day, that's just the way it is!" - Dita Von Tesse

Reecy boarded a plane in Sydney after 10pm to fly home to New York. She had no plans of leaving until more dust had settled, but it was Justin who told her to go. No matter how sick that boy was, he still had the ability to care about other people. Sitting by the pool with him, he took one look at her and asked her why she was being weird. She couldn't lie to him. Not when he had confided so much in her lately, and she was trying to offer him a lifeline should he ever need it. She 100% meant her offer to become his primary carer, and she would make whatever sacrifices is took to be able to take it on. He had blocked her at the first hurdle, though. It was too soon for her to know if that was Justin his exacerbated mental state talking, or if he wasn't at a point where he was ready to set too many changes in motion.

( It had been a long flight, but it gave her plenty of time to think. As tired as she was, she didn't sleep. She did cry. She let herself feel the pain without a barrier, and she grieved... )

Reecy Chester
{ Original Character }

"And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk."
• The Only Exception, Paramore

It was well over an hour that Justin stood on the Brooklyn Bridge looking over the edge into the choppy waters below. How easy it would be to just jump. It would stop everything. He wouldn’t have to feel anymore. He wouldn’t keep getting hurt. His mind would stop working forever.

( He had trusted his new family would make everything better, but maybe it had only been a matter of time all along before that went to shit too... )

Justin Campbell
Original Character

"Bad news like a sucker punch blew me away
People fill the streets like nothing has changed
Clock hands tick along, they don't look the same
Planes fly overhead like any old day."
• Bad News, Bastille

These days, Lewis was comfortable enough with himself that he tended not to have anxiety in his decisions. Que sera sera and Carpe diem were two concepts in life he lived by. But he found himself nervy as he sat here in the doctor's waiting room, listening for his name to be called. He wasn't devoid of anxiety. Quite the opposite. He had been diagnosed with post-traumatic, high-functioning anxiety in the wake of being kidnapped and chained up in a basement for days on end. They had fully intended to kill him if Lorenzo didn't cough up on his dead ex's lingering drug debt. But that was a story for another day, and he had medication to help that anyway. He was definitely pro-remedy. If there was a solution, why not grab it with both hands? Lewis didn't dwell. Things he couldn't control, he set aside and didn't let it impact on his life that he still had to keep living. A life that was effectively a second chance.

( He heard his name, knocking him out of his reverie... )

Lewis Sheldon ~ Original Character

"It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again."
• Times Like These, Foo Fighters

It was no secret that Tristan had converted to Buddhism in the wake of his battle with bulimia during his modelling days. He had gotten to a place back then there he despised himself, and the world became this dark place. He wasn't proud of how far he sunk in those dark days. In recovery, it was Buddhism principles that helped pull him through above and beyond all else. Therapy did its part, but initially, he had relapsed even with therapy. Therapy wasn't always the answer, neither was throwing prescription medications at the problem. They didn't always work, and even if they did work, they didn't always work well. He knew he needed more. Much more.

( In turning to Buddhism, he began to understand the concept of inner-peace, and began to yearn for it... )

tristan hewitt : original character

"I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor." - Horatio Nelson

"On the upside, at least my dick still works... for now."

The comment was so flippant and blase, that it took Michael by surprise. He paused in his tucking the heated blanket in around Paris' arms and looked at his husband. Then he did something he had been feeling like he would never do again - he laughed. Paris was smirking at him too, and even if it was faint, it gave Michael a rush of hope.

"If you're trying to hit on me, I'm not into hospital kink," he joked back.

"I'd be all over that like a rhinestones at a drag contest if I could move my head more than a couple of inches without barfing," Paris decided. He paused, the humour draining from his face as he looked at Michael sadly. "Does your promise you made me in London still stand?" he asked softly.

( Michael, satisfied the blanked was tucked in enough to help Paris with his shivery chills, he sat on the side of the hospital bed and took Paris' hand... )

michael hart, original character

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." - Khalil Gibran

Lewis truly loved being a dad. His baby girl wasn't his biologically, but she was made by the person he believed to be his soul mate. They both came into his life completely unexpectedly, like a bolt out of the blue... or a miracle, perhaps? In many ways, it was a miracle for Lorenzo. Lewis had heard his husband say that many a time. They met in the wake of Lorenzo going through an horrific tragedy, being left alone as single dad when his daughter was only three weeks old. Now they were a family, and Lewis had little memories of truth worth from before they met.

( He knew everyone thought he was a big of an enigma... )

Lewis Sheldon ~ Original Character

"I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow."
• Like I'm Gonna Lose You, Meghan Trainor

The pain was the worst part for Paris. It was like he could even still feel it when he was sleeping. He knew he woke up still in pain. It was like his brain was burning from the inside out, and setting all his senses into high alert where the smallest sound or the dimmest light amped the pain up tenfold. When he woke up, he was in tears before he was even lucid enough to remember his surroundings were a hospital room, latched up to wires and tubes, after literally having his brain cut into.

( But he wasn't alone... )

paris hart
original character

"I didn't understand
I didn't wanna know
At least I took a chance
I had to let it go."
• Elevator, David Archuleta

Although Portland, Oregon, was Reecy’s intended destination, she made a much-needed stopover in Arkansas on the way. The hardest part for her was knowing that, given the chance, she could fall in love with her fabulously spontaneous, tall, dark and handsome cowboy. He had swept her off her feet, made her feel special, treated her with such kindness and affection. He had become like a drug for her, and in that, she knew it was time to go cold turkey.

It was a relief for her to visit Craig in Arkansas. Besides the fact she got to perve on him shirtless while he groomed his horse, she learned that the reason he had be planning to made the move to New York was both personal and professional. It wasn’t to chase after her so they could prance into the sunset together to live happily ever after. Okay, so she was a basic bitch who had had dreams of that while she had been swept up in his bubble of arousing attention. She had been through hell with her last break-up, and it had made her feel worthless, like she didn’t deserve the admiration and fluffy-love that her friends seemed to have in bucketloads.

( Craig was the epitome of perfection, and if he moved to New York, she would’ve wanted to pursue something, because she was addicted. Not only did she have this addiction to what he was giving her, but her self-esteem and self-worth had plummeted... )

Reecy Chester
{ Original Character }

"But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again"
• The Cave, Mumford & Sons

Life was hard to juggle lately, but they were doing the best they could. With Jules pulling a weekend nightshift, Euan had the reigns with their bairn. The last place he wanted to be with her was at the hospital, but shit happened. He was standing by the window of the ICU room, nursing his sleeping daughter in his arms, trying to keep her settled with soft, soothing pats to her back as he rocked her just a little. It had taken some work to get her to sleep after feeding her, so he was reluctant to break the rhythm he had.

( Behind him, the beeps and sighs of the life support machines had become background noise... )

Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)
- all referenced muses used with permission

"But I will hold on hope,
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck.
And I'll find strength in pain,
And I will change my ways.
I'll know my name as it's called again."
- "The Cave," Mumford & Sons

"What is this all about this time?" Elis asked, sitting down on the park bench alongside his brother. There was a teasingly exasperated lilt to his voice, but Isak knew it was to mask the underlying concern his brother felt. Isak did not often call Elis to meet at their favorite park with the explicit request of wanting to talk. In fact, this was the first time he'd ever asked. They met up at the park often, both when growing up and whenever Isak was home, but it was usually to play a football match or go for hikes. Talking happened during those activities, but it was never the focal point. Isak could see the concern in Elis' face, even behind the sunglasses.

"It is nothing bad," Isak responded in an attempt to soothe his brother's worry.

( 'Oh, well, in that case,' Elis said, making a feigned motion to stand. Isak rolled his eyes and gave his brother a light slap on the arm. )

Word Count | 1391

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

Paris usually prided himself on being in immaculate, pristine condition. He was always exceptionally groomed, swathed in expensive designer-label clothes, and fit as a fiddle. His presentation befitted the job he did, and rarely did he sway from that. Even his 'casual' attire were the best leisurewear available. There were only a select few who saw him with these masks slipped.

( That day, he was anything but this... )

paris hart
original character

"Death by crying doesn't exist, though
The headaches feel a bit like it
You might explode
But you reach the end of the road
And you, little tree
I'm certain you will grow."
• Death By Chocolate, Sia

A maternity unit nursery was the last place Keiran expected himself to be at all. A long time ago, he had decided that maybe he didn't want children. He enjoyed teaching, but his life had changed so much since that strange time in his life way back when where trying to conceive a child had completely sucked the life out of him to the point he began to hate the idea of it. His relationship festered because of it, and ever since then, he had been a free spirit and never quite felt the urge to settle down and have children again. If it was all going to be that much trouble, he definitely didn't want it.

Now he was in Ireland, sitting by a clear newborn crib in a the maternity unit. He had no partner. He was a single and alone, and the only company he had in that small family room with lavender walls and diagrams of how to breastfeed was a tiny newborn baby girl looking back at him.

( Just because he hadn't wanted children of his own didn't mean he hadn't been willing to help someone else who did... )

Keiran O'Leary // Original Character

Slumber
nsfw: sexual references
Angela could really understand the power of sex. The ability to block out the rest of the world while you were wrapped up naked in the arms of another in the throes of passion. It didn't take much to get there either. A flicker of a arousal, a determination to seduce, the desire to be as close to the person you loved as possible.

( Or the person you were trying to make a baby with... )

angela ashwood
- original character -
clint used with love and permission

"I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah."
• Happy, Leona Lewis

Liam was sitting on the back step of his childhood home in Battersea, London. It was a dreary and overcast day. The gloomy clouds seemed to be threatening rain, but none had fallen yet. A packet of Marlboro Lights sat on the step beside him. It was almost full, save for the one that was dangling between his fingers as he stared blankly at the beautiful flower baskets his mum had hanging off the garden shed. She always loved having beautiful flowers, even if they had no real garden to speak of. It was just this postage-stamp size backyard that had a small strip of grass beneath the washing line tethered to the back of the house. She made up for it with her flower baskets that would have been flower much more intensely throughout spring and summer.

( He usually wasn't a smoker. When he was a teenager, he had smoked socially, yet briefly. It had been ditched as soon as he was accepted into Med School... )

Liam Morgan || Original Character

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words." - Ann Hood

Depression could be blinding. Not physically. It didn't cause blindness, but it could blinker you to what you saw, and how you saw it. It incapacitated your mind in such a way, you only had the ability to see a narrow field, and it felt like being able to see normally again was a long way off through a very dark tunnel. It wasn't that you didn't want to see normally, it was that you couldn't. That was the part many people couldn't understand. It could still be a stigma. If you weren't getting better, then you weren't trying hard enough. You weren't eating the miracle superfoods, you weren't visiting the "correct" websites, you weren't getting enough therapy, you were only looking for answers in the bottom of a pill bottle.

People were always quick to tell you what you weren't doing properly. In their rush to do that, they forgot to try to understand that you were already doing the best you could. It just didn't live up to their of "properly". There was too much of that in this world. Too much of other people trying to dictate others how they should live their life. In that, they also failed to understand that sometimes, for some people, trying to manage to just live life could be the hardest battle of all.

( Liam had a throbbing headache when he stepped out of the cab and slung his backpack over his shoulder... )

Liam Morgan || Original Character

"There's a big difference between falling in love with someone and falling in love with someone and getting married. Usually, after you get married, you fall in love with the person even more." - Dave Grohl

Angela was getting married. Actually getting married. As a precursor to - hopefully, like hell - having a baby. Her mind was all over the place that beautiful early evening in London, and she found herself reminiscing that, not all that long ago, in America, she couldn't have legally gotten married to a woman. The world had come a long way in a short space of time, but there was still so far left to go. Just like my life... she was musing in her head as she looked out the window of the luxury wedding car destined for the London Eye.

Beside her, her baby brother grabbed her hand with an excited grin, and it tugged her out of her reverie. Of course he wasn't really a baby at 16, but he always would be to her. Big sister prerogative. He was giving her away, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. In fact, they Skyped home to their parents in New York, and their dad had happily handed over that baton to Ainsley, making a big deal out of it and making him promise he would get it all right. They had been laughing their asses off by the end of the chat.

( She had to be honest with herself in that she never really believed she would marry Emily... )

angela ashwood
- original character -

"Nobody knows,
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry.
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall ..
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows."
- Nobody Knows, P!nk

It had been a day since Isak had arrived back in Stockholm. Elina, the wonderful sister that she was, had picked him up from the airport and taken him back to her place. They were barely through the doorway when he dragged himself to the guest room, chucked his stuff off to the side, and fell onto the bed. By the time his head hit the pillow, he was already half-way asleep, an exhaled snore escaping him as he made contact with the mattress.

( He was fairly certain he heard his sister say something, possible put a blanket over him, but he was so lost in the fog of sleep that he could not be entirely sure. )

Word Count | 1231

"True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever-growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together." - Ricardo Montalban

This wasn't how the trip was supposed to go, and Lorenzo was driving himself nuts. It meant that, for all the tiredness he was feeling from the trip, he couldn't sleep. Instead, he was lying there stewing and overthinking, aka driving himself nuts. Lewis wasn't a cheater. He wasn't. That wasn't just some deluded hope in Lorenzo's mind. He knew cheating went against every single thing Lewis stood for, and the things Lewis stood for, he stood firm on. Very firm. His views, morals, and beliefs were always something he never let anyone sway him on.

So, why was Lorenzo lying there driving himself nuts? Probably because he had just seen another dude snogging his husband, and not he felt like he wanted to hit things. Even after he hit the guy in the face for doing it. He at least felt entitled to that. That was proof in the pudding. It wasn't overreacting. Another guy had macked on his husband! Zander. He knew that name, but he just couldn't remember from where Lewis had mentioned it. Somewhere along the way, he had. But 'the way' for Lorenzo and Lewis had been a long, hard road.

( Beside him on the king-sized hotel bed, Lewis was stripped down to just his boxer-briefs. He had his back to Lorenzo, having rolled over in annoyance after he tried to get Lorenzo to talk to him about what had just happened and Lorenzo kept issuing en epic dose of the silent treatment to him... )

lorenzo chevalier
- original character -

"I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it." - Edith Sitwell

Seven hours from New York to London was a long flight for a baby. Especially when she wanted to cry for almost the entire duration of the flight until she finally exhausted herself and crashed out in Lorenzo's arms. Both he and Lewis were tired and cranky too. Their patience was shot and they were short-tempered with each other... not intentionally, though. It felt like a lifetime since Lewis had last been to London. Heathrow Airport had changed so fucking much. Still as huge and as busy as he remembered it. At least the baggage claim was incredibly fast, because he was pretty sure he was going to start feeling like committing grievous bodily harm on random tourists who kept bumping into him if they hadn't gotten their bags soon.

( The train from the airport to the city was quick too. Better than the hour and a half ride he had to take when he was here years ago... )

Lewis Sheldon ~ Original Character

"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is." - Jim Morrison

Cassidy sat on the broad windowsill of her bedroom. Her knees were drawn up and her arms hugged protectively around them so she was folded in on herself. Rain fell outside and she watched the drops spattering against the glass. At least at home she felt safe, and alone, she didn't feel like everyone was staring at her and thinking thoughts most probably didn't say out loud.

( The last thing she had wanted to do was get dressed and go to that concert early... )

NB: Justin and his words supplied with love and permission from his creator.

♥
Cassidy Cohen
~ Original Character ~

"You with the sad eyes,
Don't be discouraged.
Oh, I realize
Its hard to take courage
In a world full of people;
You can lose sight of it all,
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small."
- "True Colors," Cyndi Lauper

Though Isak had taken this trip many, many times before, this particular journey felt like it carried the importance of the first time. After the sudden call from his mother, he scrambled to find himself a last-minute flight to return to Stockholm, despite having just returned from his summer holiday. Luckily there were always flights (as long as you were willing to pay). Once he secured one, he contacted his department chair and explained the situation as best he could, offering endless apologies about the inconvenience of his absence at the start of the new semester and school year, but promising to return in no more than two weeks' time. ( He had no way of knowing how long it would all take, of course, but after two weeks, he figured one of three things would happen: )

Word Count | 1331

"Lived in a bubble
Days were never ending
Was not concerned
About what life was sending
Fantasy was real
Now I know much
About the way I feel."
• Fade Away, Oasis
tw: drug references + coarse language
noah cameron + clint chevalier used with permission
Euan sat alone in the hospital corridor, rubbing his hand over his unshaven face tiredly. Exhaustion had taken on a whole new meaning since his daughter was born. Having a newborn in the house meant sleep was a priceless luxury, and you had to steal wee bursts of it where you could. He was back at work after his paternity leave, and his son had a week or so where his illness had flared up. That meant sleepless nights too. 'Exhausted' wasn't a powerful enough adjective to cut it. So all this was the last thing he needed. But that didn't mean it was a lesser priority than anything else. Far from it.

( The call had come through just after midnight while Euan was trying to coax his baby girl to take her midnight feed... )

Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)

"Stupidity is a talent for misconception." - Edgar Allan Poe

The reality of the situation was that Jeff was sitting on his feelings again instead of being honest about them. That had been the goddamn problem from the start. It wasn't a matter of not responding to Niko because he didn't want to, or didn't care. He'd genuinely forgotten he got the text. But that in itself was shitty. You didn't just forget to contact your friends. Not your real friends. It would ultimately lead to more of a wedge between him and the people who mattered most to him. And right now, they all needed support, not division and more upset.

Jeff had wanted to go and try to find Niko as soon as he left the theater that night, but he'd only said he was going to a bar, not which one, and short of going full-on creeper mode, it was highly unlikely that he'd be able to find out where he was. He went home from the theater fully intending to wait it out, and talk to Niko when he got back here.

Only it didn't quite work out like that. Not in the slightest.

( NSFW )

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Wayne Dyer

Rhys' new relationship was all of two days old, but he knew when he woke up that morning that he had a thrill in his belly just thinking about it. The million dollar question was: could close friends turn into lovers without it getting messy and complicated? It had a bit of a social experiment to it, but it was nice not to worry about it and overthink it because he and Miles had agreed to test drive it and see how things went. If, at the end of the time they agreed it didn't feel like it was something to keep pursuing, they would go back to being friends, no hard feelings.

( It seemed good in theory, but Rhys wasn't a flighty sort of person. He didn't have his head in the clouds... )

rhys meyer
- original character -

"I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be"
• I'm a Loser, The Beatles

Ever since the day of his breakup with Reecy, Jude felt like he couldn't get both feet on the ground to get a solid start on picking up the pieces again. He loved her. He still loved her. There was no changing or denying that, and there was no pretending that it was something he could just put aside now. He couldn't pretend it never happened. He couldn't pretend that losing her didn't hurt like hell, whether it was his fault or not. There were nights he would lie awake for hours after coming home from his nursing practicals and lie in bed alone wondering if that was what the rest of his life was going to be.

( And what if it was? )

"I am trying my hardest not to act how I feel." - Unknown

Despite his best efforts to thwart the loneliness trying to engulf him, Miles was sitting on the beach alone with a bottle of beer, watching the sunset. His knees were drawn up, elbows resting on them as he gazed at the water lapping on the shore and took a swig from the bottle. He took his phone from his pocket and checked the screen. No messages. No missed calls. No notifications. Everyone was off doing their own life things. He didn't want to be that needy or clingy friend who called his friends up and disturbed their peaceful Friday evening on dates or resting from a hard week at work.

( Broken hearts were hard to mend. Not impossible, though sometimes it felt that way... )

miles morrison ( oc )