Cassidy Mae Cohen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ifeelthelove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2016-09-03 07:30 pm
ifeelthelove) wrote in muserevival2016-09-03 07:30 pm
Entry tags:
125.2 - Quote
"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is." - Jim Morrison
Cassidy sat on the broad windowsill of her bedroom. Her knees were drawn up and her arms hugged protectively around them so she was folded in on herself. Rain fell outside and she watched the drops spattering against the glass. At least at home she felt safe, and alone, she didn't feel like everyone was staring at her and thinking thoughts most probably didn't say out loud.
The last thing she had wanted to do was get dressed and go to that concert early. Owen had come around and invited her, and she did her best to let him down gently because she didn't want to be near people. When she saw the tickets were VIP, though, she knew some effort had probably gone into Justin getting them, so she agreed to go. It got her out of the house when she otherwise probably wouldn't feel like leaving every again. She had wanted to come home as soon as it was over. It was too many people for her right now. She began to feel like she was suffocating, so Owen's brother came to pick them up and drove her home.
She picked up her phone and opened the video she had already watched close to ten times. Layla, ever the resourceful one, had recorded all of Justin's performances at the concert. She sent his special song to her via WhatsApp, with a message that she, too, loved her and this was a reminder to keep whenever she needed it. Maybe that was why she had already watched it so many times. She needed it more than she could say right now.
Hitting play, Justin's sweet voice with his mixed American-Aussie accent dedicating the song to her rang out from her phone. She cupped the device in her hands like it was precious cargo and even hearing his kind, yet powerful, words, tears were filling her eyes again. It was a mix of emotions that kept them coming, though she wasn't anywhere near the distressed sobbing she had been when Justin had come to her rescue a couple of days ago.
Justin had ultimately told Owen. At first, she didn't know how to feel about that, until she realised that she could never have told him herself. Things weren't strong enough between them yet. She was still trying to figure out what was going on. They needed more time. Though now, she had no idea why he wanted to invest more time with her. She had so much baggage, and probably would for the rest of her life. Only a few days ago, she wanted to cut that life short. If Justin hadn't come, she might have succeeded too, because she had been able to see no way out of the painful and mortification she had been feeling. Not to mention shame and hopelessness.
Justin was still singing on her phone when she got up from the windowsill and went over to her dresser. Carefully, she placed the phone by her brush and then slowly, warily, began to undress in front of the mirror. She got right down to her bra and panties, and then went the fully monty, so to speak. She stood there naked and just looked at her body in the mirror. Right now, she hated it. There was that technical name for it, she knew that. But the couple of times she tried to say it out loud, it just sounded pretentious or something. It was label. Yet another label and nothing more, when all she was fighting to do was be a normal girl and ditch as many of those labels as she could. So she didn't use it. She disliked her body. End of story.
Around her neck, she still wore the friendship semicolon pendant Justin had given her. He had taken it into his hand that night and reminded her that her story wasn't over yet. Since he had given it to her, she only took it off to sleep, and nothing else. She needed the reminder. Somehow, by some sheer force she didn't understand, Justin had become an incredibly special friend to her. He knew how a lot of this felt, and then leaps and bounds more pain on top of that. Yet, look where he was. On a stage at Madison Square Garden; on TV, singing like he owned it. He kept going. His story wasn't over yet either.
Yet, unlike Justin, she didn't know what her story was or where it was supposed to even start. Her gaze moved from her body to the printed photo of Owen she had tucked into the edge of the frame of her mirror. It was a selfie he sent her, and she printed it out so she could have it there to remind her that maybe he was part of her story. Was he? Or was she just fooling herself? Was he, like what seemed almost everyone else, going to eventually thing she was just moonlighting as a girl too? Surely when push came to shove, and intimacy was called to question, he was going to be disgusted or not know what the hell to do.
Cassidy didn't know either. That was part of her struggle. The vile and cruel words that had beaten her down had been the worst part, but other parts were in her mind. Normally she tried to stay upbeat and positive. She tried to be happy, kind and friendly. Now, all that was shoved aside in the face of fear and confusion. What she was caused her dad to lose her job. It caused her brothers to want to put hits out on people. It caused her to doubt every little piece of her. She was miserable. She was miserable, but so desperate to find happiness and contentment.
How she was born wasn't her fault, but right now, it felt like she was going to be paying for it for the rest of her life. When the tears began to spill over with earnest again, she grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it tightly around herself. The knot of the sash dug into her hip, but she pulled it even tighter still to shut out the reflection in the mirror.
She stopped the video on the phone and her room filled with silence again. Instead, she pulled her contacts up on the screen and found Justin, hitting the call button. It took a few rings, and she nearly gave up and ended the call when it didn't connect.
Soon, though, "Cas? What's up? You okay?" Justin answered.
"Not really," she admitted. She paused, drawing in a shaky breath. "Can you come over? I know you're busy and it's been a big night. I don't want to be alone. Just... if you can."
There was chaos and noise in the background of wherever Justin was after the concert. "Can you give me an hour or so? They're trying to wrestle me out of the Frankenfurter corset. I don't want to lose my dick." He stopped abruptly. "Fuck, sorry."
For the first time in nearly a week, Cassidy actually found a small laugh escape her. "Shut up, bitch. I needed to hear that. I need you and the others to keep keeping it real with me. No eggshells. Eggshells just remind me how different I am."
"Okay, so if I don't lose my dick, see you in about an hour?" Justin said without missing a beat. She wanted to hug him for it.
"Yeah. Justin...?"
"That's my name. Don't wear it out," Justin replied.
Cassidy was smiling again. She was going to thank him. She was going to tell him she loved him for accepting her. She was going to tell him he was amazing. She was going to tell him how much she appreciated him inviting her into his tight-knit group that he was so protective of. In the end, she realised she didn't need to say any of it, because he already knew. "If you lose your dick, can you send them my way?"
"Welcome back, Cas," was his soft reply. In those few moments, Cassidy once again began to feel like she had the strength to keep going again.
NB: Justin and his words supplied with love and permission from his creator.
♥
Cassidy Cohen
~ Original Character ~
Cassidy sat on the broad windowsill of her bedroom. Her knees were drawn up and her arms hugged protectively around them so she was folded in on herself. Rain fell outside and she watched the drops spattering against the glass. At least at home she felt safe, and alone, she didn't feel like everyone was staring at her and thinking thoughts most probably didn't say out loud.
The last thing she had wanted to do was get dressed and go to that concert early. Owen had come around and invited her, and she did her best to let him down gently because she didn't want to be near people. When she saw the tickets were VIP, though, she knew some effort had probably gone into Justin getting them, so she agreed to go. It got her out of the house when she otherwise probably wouldn't feel like leaving every again. She had wanted to come home as soon as it was over. It was too many people for her right now. She began to feel like she was suffocating, so Owen's brother came to pick them up and drove her home.
She picked up her phone and opened the video she had already watched close to ten times. Layla, ever the resourceful one, had recorded all of Justin's performances at the concert. She sent his special song to her via WhatsApp, with a message that she, too, loved her and this was a reminder to keep whenever she needed it. Maybe that was why she had already watched it so many times. She needed it more than she could say right now.
Hitting play, Justin's sweet voice with his mixed American-Aussie accent dedicating the song to her rang out from her phone. She cupped the device in her hands like it was precious cargo and even hearing his kind, yet powerful, words, tears were filling her eyes again. It was a mix of emotions that kept them coming, though she wasn't anywhere near the distressed sobbing she had been when Justin had come to her rescue a couple of days ago.
Justin had ultimately told Owen. At first, she didn't know how to feel about that, until she realised that she could never have told him herself. Things weren't strong enough between them yet. She was still trying to figure out what was going on. They needed more time. Though now, she had no idea why he wanted to invest more time with her. She had so much baggage, and probably would for the rest of her life. Only a few days ago, she wanted to cut that life short. If Justin hadn't come, she might have succeeded too, because she had been able to see no way out of the painful and mortification she had been feeling. Not to mention shame and hopelessness.
Justin was still singing on her phone when she got up from the windowsill and went over to her dresser. Carefully, she placed the phone by her brush and then slowly, warily, began to undress in front of the mirror. She got right down to her bra and panties, and then went the fully monty, so to speak. She stood there naked and just looked at her body in the mirror. Right now, she hated it. There was that technical name for it, she knew that. But the couple of times she tried to say it out loud, it just sounded pretentious or something. It was label. Yet another label and nothing more, when all she was fighting to do was be a normal girl and ditch as many of those labels as she could. So she didn't use it. She disliked her body. End of story.
Around her neck, she still wore the friendship semicolon pendant Justin had given her. He had taken it into his hand that night and reminded her that her story wasn't over yet. Since he had given it to her, she only took it off to sleep, and nothing else. She needed the reminder. Somehow, by some sheer force she didn't understand, Justin had become an incredibly special friend to her. He knew how a lot of this felt, and then leaps and bounds more pain on top of that. Yet, look where he was. On a stage at Madison Square Garden; on TV, singing like he owned it. He kept going. His story wasn't over yet either.
Yet, unlike Justin, she didn't know what her story was or where it was supposed to even start. Her gaze moved from her body to the printed photo of Owen she had tucked into the edge of the frame of her mirror. It was a selfie he sent her, and she printed it out so she could have it there to remind her that maybe he was part of her story. Was he? Or was she just fooling herself? Was he, like what seemed almost everyone else, going to eventually thing she was just moonlighting as a girl too? Surely when push came to shove, and intimacy was called to question, he was going to be disgusted or not know what the hell to do.
Cassidy didn't know either. That was part of her struggle. The vile and cruel words that had beaten her down had been the worst part, but other parts were in her mind. Normally she tried to stay upbeat and positive. She tried to be happy, kind and friendly. Now, all that was shoved aside in the face of fear and confusion. What she was caused her dad to lose her job. It caused her brothers to want to put hits out on people. It caused her to doubt every little piece of her. She was miserable. She was miserable, but so desperate to find happiness and contentment.
How she was born wasn't her fault, but right now, it felt like she was going to be paying for it for the rest of her life. When the tears began to spill over with earnest again, she grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it tightly around herself. The knot of the sash dug into her hip, but she pulled it even tighter still to shut out the reflection in the mirror.
She stopped the video on the phone and her room filled with silence again. Instead, she pulled her contacts up on the screen and found Justin, hitting the call button. It took a few rings, and she nearly gave up and ended the call when it didn't connect.
Soon, though, "Cas? What's up? You okay?" Justin answered.
"Not really," she admitted. She paused, drawing in a shaky breath. "Can you come over? I know you're busy and it's been a big night. I don't want to be alone. Just... if you can."
There was chaos and noise in the background of wherever Justin was after the concert. "Can you give me an hour or so? They're trying to wrestle me out of the Frankenfurter corset. I don't want to lose my dick." He stopped abruptly. "Fuck, sorry."
For the first time in nearly a week, Cassidy actually found a small laugh escape her. "Shut up, bitch. I needed to hear that. I need you and the others to keep keeping it real with me. No eggshells. Eggshells just remind me how different I am."
"Okay, so if I don't lose my dick, see you in about an hour?" Justin said without missing a beat. She wanted to hug him for it.
"Yeah. Justin...?"
"That's my name. Don't wear it out," Justin replied.
Cassidy was smiling again. She was going to thank him. She was going to tell him she loved him for accepting her. She was going to tell him he was amazing. She was going to tell him how much she appreciated him inviting her into his tight-knit group that he was so protective of. In the end, she realised she didn't need to say any of it, because he already knew. "If you lose your dick, can you send them my way?"
"Welcome back, Cas," was his soft reply. In those few moments, Cassidy once again began to feel like she had the strength to keep going again.
NB: Justin and his words supplied with love and permission from his creator.
Cassidy Cohen
~ Original Character ~