Justin Mark Campbell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likefatherlikeson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2016-11-09 11:07 am
likefatherlikeson) wrote in muserevival2016-11-09 11:07 am
Entry tags:
132.1. Lyrics
"And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk."
• The Only Exception, Paramore
It was well over an hour that Justin stood on the Brooklyn Bridge looking over the edge into the choppy waters below. How easy it would be to just jump. It would stop everything. He wouldn’t have to feel anymore. He wouldn’t keep getting hurt. His mind would stop working forever.
He had trusted his new family would make everything better, but maybe it had only been a matter of time all along before that went to shit too. It felt like his life was destined to always be awful. No matter how hard he tried to get back on top of things, here he was again… standing on the edge, ready to end it all. There was just one saving grace. The passport in his pocket, and his backpack at his feet. It was end it, or leave. His mind didn’t have the capacity to see the grey areas.
It was impossible for his ill mind to rationalise anything here. All he could see was bad times, and all he could feel was hurt. Talking with his dad hadn’t helped anything. It made it worse. He had driven his father to the bottle again, his adoptive mother thought he had been on some crazy mission to destroy her marriage, and now his dad was throwing around hints of divorce because communication had broken down. To top it all off, once again Justin felt like things has died in the ass between him and Will. Everything that had happened lately, from the shit with his parents, to his uncle falling ill; they hadn’t talked about any of it. They weren’t supposed to be in this place again. He believed they wouldn’t be. He was sick of trying. He was too tired.
He was over it. He was over the whole damn lot of it. He couldn’t handle the weight of the pain anymore. He couldn’t handle anymore false promises, or people twisting and bending their lives so much to accommodate him anymore. Obviously, all he did was cause people pain. All that did was cause him pain he couldn’t see through.
Alone wasn’t something he could do anymore. He would rather be dead than alone like he had been in the past. Most of his life, he had been forced to see through alone. That didn’t mean he didn’t have people around him. But sometimes - like now - you could be surrounded by people, and still feel completely alone. How could you reach out to people when it felt like they didn’t want to catch you anymore? He couldn’t stop himself falling. No matter what they did, no matter how many pills they plied him with, they couldn’t erase the mental illness. He was always going to be too much of a burden. Why couldn’t he just end it?
“JUSTIN!”
Tears were spilling down his cheeks, and the wind whipped up from the water, feeling like a slap to the face when it hit the dampness. Turning his head, he found Reecy running along the Bridge pathway, trying to catch his attention. He was too confused and distressed to understand how she knew to find him here. But it was enough to knock him out of that dangerous haze of yearning to end all the pain… end himself.
He just reacted without thinking.
He turned the other way and ran.
Justin Campbell
Original Character
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk."
• The Only Exception, Paramore
It was well over an hour that Justin stood on the Brooklyn Bridge looking over the edge into the choppy waters below. How easy it would be to just jump. It would stop everything. He wouldn’t have to feel anymore. He wouldn’t keep getting hurt. His mind would stop working forever.
He had trusted his new family would make everything better, but maybe it had only been a matter of time all along before that went to shit too. It felt like his life was destined to always be awful. No matter how hard he tried to get back on top of things, here he was again… standing on the edge, ready to end it all. There was just one saving grace. The passport in his pocket, and his backpack at his feet. It was end it, or leave. His mind didn’t have the capacity to see the grey areas.
It was impossible for his ill mind to rationalise anything here. All he could see was bad times, and all he could feel was hurt. Talking with his dad hadn’t helped anything. It made it worse. He had driven his father to the bottle again, his adoptive mother thought he had been on some crazy mission to destroy her marriage, and now his dad was throwing around hints of divorce because communication had broken down. To top it all off, once again Justin felt like things has died in the ass between him and Will. Everything that had happened lately, from the shit with his parents, to his uncle falling ill; they hadn’t talked about any of it. They weren’t supposed to be in this place again. He believed they wouldn’t be. He was sick of trying. He was too tired.
He was over it. He was over the whole damn lot of it. He couldn’t handle the weight of the pain anymore. He couldn’t handle anymore false promises, or people twisting and bending their lives so much to accommodate him anymore. Obviously, all he did was cause people pain. All that did was cause him pain he couldn’t see through.
Alone wasn’t something he could do anymore. He would rather be dead than alone like he had been in the past. Most of his life, he had been forced to see through alone. That didn’t mean he didn’t have people around him. But sometimes - like now - you could be surrounded by people, and still feel completely alone. How could you reach out to people when it felt like they didn’t want to catch you anymore? He couldn’t stop himself falling. No matter what they did, no matter how many pills they plied him with, they couldn’t erase the mental illness. He was always going to be too much of a burden. Why couldn’t he just end it?
“JUSTIN!”
Tears were spilling down his cheeks, and the wind whipped up from the water, feeling like a slap to the face when it hit the dampness. Turning his head, he found Reecy running along the Bridge pathway, trying to catch his attention. He was too confused and distressed to understand how she knew to find him here. But it was enough to knock him out of that dangerous haze of yearning to end all the pain… end himself.
He just reacted without thinking.
He turned the other way and ran.
Original Character