Dr. Alexander Turner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
itsrainingmen) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-06-25 03:19 pm
itsrainingmen) wrote in muserevival2014-06-25 03:19 pm
Quote of the Day 086.
“Life is a matter of really tough choices.”
- Joe Biden
How easy it was to make a promise to someone you cared about well in advance of having to face fulfilling it. Not that it had been an easy promise for Alex to make by any means. He remembered the evening so clearly that it was like it had etched away a portion of his brain to simply remain there forever. He had gone to visit Beau, hearing that he was having a string of bad days in the wake of a rough chemo round. 'Rough' was a loose description, though. Beau was a hell of a fighter, but even the strongest fighters could lose sometimes. He had been putting up a brave face for his husband and his family... something Alex knew was a sacrifice Beau would never not make for them, even if it wasn't necessary.
It was pouring rain that night too. Alex had gotten soaked just from the short sprint from the cab to the apartment block where Beau lived now. He was sitting by Beau's bed, casually chatting to him about his day at work, and how he had a new young 19 year old patient with HIV come into his care, which turned out to be the lad Euan helped clean up and get off the streets. He was towelling the water from his hair when Beau had plucked up the courage to ask Alex of the biggest favour anyone could probably ever ask - he wanted Alex to help him end things if he got too sick and lost his ability to function, was unconscious to making his own choices anymore.
Euthanasia was something every medical professional had an awareness of, yet a majority would never be closely touched by it. It was like abortion. Flip sides to the moral and ethical code, yet neither with less for and against arguments than the next. It was a textbook debate, one people usually had a personal opinion on, and could easily spout off whether they were for or against it. Spouting off was easy when you were talking about an actual human being, one you loved, and one who was suffering extensively through a second battle of cancer in his life.
Beau hadn't wanted Alex to answer straight away. In fact, he told him over and over that he shouldn't feel obligated, he shouldn't feel that he had to stretch his own ethical values to cater to what Beau wanted. It was merely a favour, if at all Alex felt like he might be able to help him with it should the time come. Alex had thought about it extensively for weeks. In fact, there wasn't a single day that went by that he didn't sink deep thought into it. Over his meals, he found himself thinking about it, in the shower after a hard day's work, he was thinking about it. And the more he thought about it, the real it became and the more he could truly understand and cherish what a tough thing it would have been for Beau to even ask him.
Alex made the promise. He didn't make it lightly, but he realised there really could have been no other way. He and Beau hadn't worked out as a couple, but they had loved each other at the time. In fact it was Beau's spontaneous zest for life in the wake of his first cancer battle - to live for the moment - that was the struggle for the more structured and regimented Alex. They had remained close friends, and Alex still loved Beau for the big part of his life he was, and he had been over the moon for him when he had fallen in love with Austin and faced his fear of marriage being some sort of life's jinx. That if he planned too far in the future, his cancer might relapse.
His cancer relapsing was exactly what had happened. It had floor Beau, and everyone who loved him, but that rainy night when Alex was sitting with Beau in his room, both of them in tear as he held Beau's hand, Beau admitted to him that this fight was harder. He had more of an awareness of exactly what he was going through, he had more to lose, he was weaker to the fight this time, and the leukemia much more rapidly progressing. It was that night that Beau confessed in a hushed, choked whisper that he really thought he was going to die this time. He didn't want to die - who did? - but if he was going to, he didn't want to prolong it.
Beau could handle a lot of suffering. He was as tough as brass balls, and Alex had never met anyone else as strong as him. But he told Alex that if he got sick enough, there would be a time that came where he couldn't take anymore suffering. He knew it would be hard for everyone around him, but prolonging the inevitable wouldn't just drag it out for him, it would drag it out for everyone he loved and giving them false hope. It was why he didn't want to be resuscitated, it was why he didn't want to be kept on life support, and it was why he asked Alex help him to just bring a sooner, less painful end, if it came to that.
And now it had. Alex had the weight of his promise hanging over him now while Beau lay in a hospital bed on life support because the chemo had been too much on his heart. This was the first time Alex had plucked up the courage to come see Beau, because he knew that as soon as he did, it would all become so real. He stood there at the end of the bed with his hand resting over his mouth in just sheer disbelief that it had actually come to it. Standing there, tears in his eyes, he was losing resolve on whether he could go through with this. It was like Beau had more than pre-empted that, when push came to shove, Austin wouldn't be able to fulfil his own promises to just let Beau go. Alex was his back-up plan, and now what?
Now Alex didn't know what the hell he should do, because Euthanasia in theory was so much more easier to get up in arms about than it was when a person you loved was lying there in front of you fighting for a life he asked you to help him end...
Alex Hinton // Original Character
- Joe Biden
How easy it was to make a promise to someone you cared about well in advance of having to face fulfilling it. Not that it had been an easy promise for Alex to make by any means. He remembered the evening so clearly that it was like it had etched away a portion of his brain to simply remain there forever. He had gone to visit Beau, hearing that he was having a string of bad days in the wake of a rough chemo round. 'Rough' was a loose description, though. Beau was a hell of a fighter, but even the strongest fighters could lose sometimes. He had been putting up a brave face for his husband and his family... something Alex knew was a sacrifice Beau would never not make for them, even if it wasn't necessary.
It was pouring rain that night too. Alex had gotten soaked just from the short sprint from the cab to the apartment block where Beau lived now. He was sitting by Beau's bed, casually chatting to him about his day at work, and how he had a new young 19 year old patient with HIV come into his care, which turned out to be the lad Euan helped clean up and get off the streets. He was towelling the water from his hair when Beau had plucked up the courage to ask Alex of the biggest favour anyone could probably ever ask - he wanted Alex to help him end things if he got too sick and lost his ability to function, was unconscious to making his own choices anymore.
Euthanasia was something every medical professional had an awareness of, yet a majority would never be closely touched by it. It was like abortion. Flip sides to the moral and ethical code, yet neither with less for and against arguments than the next. It was a textbook debate, one people usually had a personal opinion on, and could easily spout off whether they were for or against it. Spouting off was easy when you were talking about an actual human being, one you loved, and one who was suffering extensively through a second battle of cancer in his life.
Beau hadn't wanted Alex to answer straight away. In fact, he told him over and over that he shouldn't feel obligated, he shouldn't feel that he had to stretch his own ethical values to cater to what Beau wanted. It was merely a favour, if at all Alex felt like he might be able to help him with it should the time come. Alex had thought about it extensively for weeks. In fact, there wasn't a single day that went by that he didn't sink deep thought into it. Over his meals, he found himself thinking about it, in the shower after a hard day's work, he was thinking about it. And the more he thought about it, the real it became and the more he could truly understand and cherish what a tough thing it would have been for Beau to even ask him.
Alex made the promise. He didn't make it lightly, but he realised there really could have been no other way. He and Beau hadn't worked out as a couple, but they had loved each other at the time. In fact it was Beau's spontaneous zest for life in the wake of his first cancer battle - to live for the moment - that was the struggle for the more structured and regimented Alex. They had remained close friends, and Alex still loved Beau for the big part of his life he was, and he had been over the moon for him when he had fallen in love with Austin and faced his fear of marriage being some sort of life's jinx. That if he planned too far in the future, his cancer might relapse.
His cancer relapsing was exactly what had happened. It had floor Beau, and everyone who loved him, but that rainy night when Alex was sitting with Beau in his room, both of them in tear as he held Beau's hand, Beau admitted to him that this fight was harder. He had more of an awareness of exactly what he was going through, he had more to lose, he was weaker to the fight this time, and the leukemia much more rapidly progressing. It was that night that Beau confessed in a hushed, choked whisper that he really thought he was going to die this time. He didn't want to die - who did? - but if he was going to, he didn't want to prolong it.
Beau could handle a lot of suffering. He was as tough as brass balls, and Alex had never met anyone else as strong as him. But he told Alex that if he got sick enough, there would be a time that came where he couldn't take anymore suffering. He knew it would be hard for everyone around him, but prolonging the inevitable wouldn't just drag it out for him, it would drag it out for everyone he loved and giving them false hope. It was why he didn't want to be resuscitated, it was why he didn't want to be kept on life support, and it was why he asked Alex help him to just bring a sooner, less painful end, if it came to that.
And now it had. Alex had the weight of his promise hanging over him now while Beau lay in a hospital bed on life support because the chemo had been too much on his heart. This was the first time Alex had plucked up the courage to come see Beau, because he knew that as soon as he did, it would all become so real. He stood there at the end of the bed with his hand resting over his mouth in just sheer disbelief that it had actually come to it. Standing there, tears in his eyes, he was losing resolve on whether he could go through with this. It was like Beau had more than pre-empted that, when push came to shove, Austin wouldn't be able to fulfil his own promises to just let Beau go. Alex was his back-up plan, and now what?
Now Alex didn't know what the hell he should do, because Euthanasia in theory was so much more easier to get up in arms about than it was when a person you loved was lying there in front of you fighting for a life he asked you to help him end...
Alex Hinton // Original Character