Detective Euan Fitzpatrick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovesguinness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-10-04 09:01 pm
lovesguinness) wrote in muserevival2014-10-04 09:01 pm
Entry tags:
078.1. Lyrics Muse Prompt
"When you're feeling down and your resistance is low
Light another cigarette and let yourself go
This is your life
Don't play hard to get
It's a free world."
• Play The Game, Queen
Euan was right in the middle of his latest round of chemo, and he wasn't having a good day at all. He was in bed, wracked with pain from head-to-toe and trying to figure out how to even put the straw in a can of Sprite to his lips without that hurting too. His hands were trembling and he bloody dropped the fucker and spilled it all over the carpet when he was trying to set it back on the bedside table. He hated the days where he was so sick, even having a friggen smoke made him puke. These were the days he felt old, like his time was nearly up and his days numbered. The days he was too weak to even let himself cry in frustration, because that just wasted energy he didn't have a stock of.
He was looking down at the wet puddle of soda on the carpet, mumbling a string of filthy expletives to himself when his big sister arrived to swoop in and save him. Another part of this whole thing Euan hated. How his family had no choice but to take care of him and nurse him through the bad days because he was incapable of it himself. He was far from a traditional guy, but the concept of the man being the one to take care of his family was something he put a lot of importance into. He felt like he was failing them.
Mandy was here because, the night before, they had been texting back and forth with Euan teasing her about still having feelings for her ex, Keiran. He had been feeling on the better side of okay then, even out at the nearby pub for a couple of drinks with some pals. Not that he could hit the hard stuff anymore, but he was out for a short while and enjoyed the normalcy of it all. He told Mandy to come over and visit him the next evening after he got home from his chemo appointment at the hospital, which he spent trying not to think too hard about Beau and wondering if he would resort to a bone transplant himself. It was an option, but if Beau didn't pull through, it wasn't one he could take.
He just weakly put his head back down on the pillow, lying on his side. He couldn't curl up, his body was too fragile for that. Fucking foetal position was tempting, but not going to happen. Mandy didn't say anything at first. She had stood in the doorway for those inevitable few moments where her mind would rush with a whir of thoughts ranging from not wanting her little brother to die, to not quite believing it was Euan she was looking at in the bed this weak. She told him that a couple of months into his treatment. No matter how much she accepted it was happening, she couldn't wrap her head around that he was the one who had cancer that had brought him to his knees when he had seemed so invicible. It was the drugs that should have killed him. Not this. He never denied his family those few moments of baulking in a doorway or hesitation before speaking when they weren't sure they had the words they needed. This was just as hard for them as it was for him.
Mandy cleaned up the spilled soda with some papertowels and got him another can of soda if he wanted it. Euan was glad she came now and not an hour or two earlier when he had been supine on the bathroom floor with Jules holding a bucket under his chin and trying to figure out how to get him up without hurting him. Jules was an angel. He truly believed she was. Never once had she faltered in nursing him through this, taking care of Ciaran and Noah, being everything he never knew he needed or wanted before. There were days he would just hold her and cry because he didn't want this for her; those days she just held him back and cried too. He never used to cry about anything.
Then his big sister was climbing onto the bed and lying down next to him, borrowing Jules' side temporarily. She was on her side, facing him and put her hand softly on his upper arm with a gentle, tender rub to show him she was there. "I know we were supposed to talk about... stuff, but it can wait," she said softly and Euan saw the tears in her eyes, the telltale catch in her words when she was trying to hold them back.
"The fuck can it wait," was Euan's blunt response. Cancer might have brought him down, but it hadn't stopped him being the blunt bastard that he was. "Mand, look at me. Just fuckin'... look at me. Not the look when ya' feel like ya' wanna puke and cry all at the same time because ya' don't wanna see me in a hole in the ground. Look at me and tell me this ain't a reason t'fuckin' follow ya' heart and get him back." She didn't look at first. In fact, her blue eyes - such stark contrast to Euan's dark ones - fell closed like she didn't know how to do what he was asking. Or didn't want to.
More silent moments passed. He waited. He would wait forever for his little sister, though he knew he wasn't guaranteed any lengthy amount of time. A stark reminder of that had come from Euan and Ciaran's nephew, Corey, the night before when he reminded Euan there was no guarantee he would be there if he needed to talk things out with him in the future. That really had come like a kick in the guts to Euan, but he was getting used to those blows of late. When she finally did look, though, he shifted a little closer and planted a brotherly kiss on the top of her head.
Now wasn't the time to lecture her or try to get her to admit out loud all the things she already knew. "Just stop waitin' for the right moment t'make it better, Mand. The right fuckin' moment might never come. I want a lotta things before I check out on this world, things I don't even fuckin' deserve, and seein' ya' happy with what ya' shoulda had way back when it one o'em. Just promise me ya'll stop punishin' ya'self. Even if ya' can't tell him and don't wanna get back what ya' lost, at least be in each other's lives where ya' fuckin' belong. I gotta know ya' all gonna be okay if I can't make it. As okay as ya' can be."
And hell, she was going to just start crying because he had to prod away at a raw nerve, which made him feel bad, but it was a means to an end. He hated making his sister cry. It was why he pushed her away so friggen hard in the past so she wouldn't look at him in that way like she wanted to try to save him, but he knew if she tried, she would have gotten mixed up in all the shit he was involved in. They just laid there together for a long time. Time was something Euan was losing a grasp on lately. Hours all melted in together, whole days or weeks slipped by while he was was bedridden. The good days he cherished, the bad he spent wishing his life away just to get beyond all this. Mandy and Keiran hadn't fallen apart because they were bad for each, they had fallen apart because they were scared to be good for each other. If that wasn't something worth fighting for while you still could, nothing was.
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)
-meandmyrockstar borrowed with love and permission
Light another cigarette and let yourself go
This is your life
Don't play hard to get
It's a free world."
• Play The Game, Queen
Euan was right in the middle of his latest round of chemo, and he wasn't having a good day at all. He was in bed, wracked with pain from head-to-toe and trying to figure out how to even put the straw in a can of Sprite to his lips without that hurting too. His hands were trembling and he bloody dropped the fucker and spilled it all over the carpet when he was trying to set it back on the bedside table. He hated the days where he was so sick, even having a friggen smoke made him puke. These were the days he felt old, like his time was nearly up and his days numbered. The days he was too weak to even let himself cry in frustration, because that just wasted energy he didn't have a stock of.
He was looking down at the wet puddle of soda on the carpet, mumbling a string of filthy expletives to himself when his big sister arrived to swoop in and save him. Another part of this whole thing Euan hated. How his family had no choice but to take care of him and nurse him through the bad days because he was incapable of it himself. He was far from a traditional guy, but the concept of the man being the one to take care of his family was something he put a lot of importance into. He felt like he was failing them.
Mandy was here because, the night before, they had been texting back and forth with Euan teasing her about still having feelings for her ex, Keiran. He had been feeling on the better side of okay then, even out at the nearby pub for a couple of drinks with some pals. Not that he could hit the hard stuff anymore, but he was out for a short while and enjoyed the normalcy of it all. He told Mandy to come over and visit him the next evening after he got home from his chemo appointment at the hospital, which he spent trying not to think too hard about Beau and wondering if he would resort to a bone transplant himself. It was an option, but if Beau didn't pull through, it wasn't one he could take.
He just weakly put his head back down on the pillow, lying on his side. He couldn't curl up, his body was too fragile for that. Fucking foetal position was tempting, but not going to happen. Mandy didn't say anything at first. She had stood in the doorway for those inevitable few moments where her mind would rush with a whir of thoughts ranging from not wanting her little brother to die, to not quite believing it was Euan she was looking at in the bed this weak. She told him that a couple of months into his treatment. No matter how much she accepted it was happening, she couldn't wrap her head around that he was the one who had cancer that had brought him to his knees when he had seemed so invicible. It was the drugs that should have killed him. Not this. He never denied his family those few moments of baulking in a doorway or hesitation before speaking when they weren't sure they had the words they needed. This was just as hard for them as it was for him.
Mandy cleaned up the spilled soda with some papertowels and got him another can of soda if he wanted it. Euan was glad she came now and not an hour or two earlier when he had been supine on the bathroom floor with Jules holding a bucket under his chin and trying to figure out how to get him up without hurting him. Jules was an angel. He truly believed she was. Never once had she faltered in nursing him through this, taking care of Ciaran and Noah, being everything he never knew he needed or wanted before. There were days he would just hold her and cry because he didn't want this for her; those days she just held him back and cried too. He never used to cry about anything.
Then his big sister was climbing onto the bed and lying down next to him, borrowing Jules' side temporarily. She was on her side, facing him and put her hand softly on his upper arm with a gentle, tender rub to show him she was there. "I know we were supposed to talk about... stuff, but it can wait," she said softly and Euan saw the tears in her eyes, the telltale catch in her words when she was trying to hold them back.
"The fuck can it wait," was Euan's blunt response. Cancer might have brought him down, but it hadn't stopped him being the blunt bastard that he was. "Mand, look at me. Just fuckin'... look at me. Not the look when ya' feel like ya' wanna puke and cry all at the same time because ya' don't wanna see me in a hole in the ground. Look at me and tell me this ain't a reason t'fuckin' follow ya' heart and get him back." She didn't look at first. In fact, her blue eyes - such stark contrast to Euan's dark ones - fell closed like she didn't know how to do what he was asking. Or didn't want to.
More silent moments passed. He waited. He would wait forever for his little sister, though he knew he wasn't guaranteed any lengthy amount of time. A stark reminder of that had come from Euan and Ciaran's nephew, Corey, the night before when he reminded Euan there was no guarantee he would be there if he needed to talk things out with him in the future. That really had come like a kick in the guts to Euan, but he was getting used to those blows of late. When she finally did look, though, he shifted a little closer and planted a brotherly kiss on the top of her head.
Now wasn't the time to lecture her or try to get her to admit out loud all the things she already knew. "Just stop waitin' for the right moment t'make it better, Mand. The right fuckin' moment might never come. I want a lotta things before I check out on this world, things I don't even fuckin' deserve, and seein' ya' happy with what ya' shoulda had way back when it one o'em. Just promise me ya'll stop punishin' ya'self. Even if ya' can't tell him and don't wanna get back what ya' lost, at least be in each other's lives where ya' fuckin' belong. I gotta know ya' all gonna be okay if I can't make it. As okay as ya' can be."
And hell, she was going to just start crying because he had to prod away at a raw nerve, which made him feel bad, but it was a means to an end. He hated making his sister cry. It was why he pushed her away so friggen hard in the past so she wouldn't look at him in that way like she wanted to try to save him, but he knew if she tried, she would have gotten mixed up in all the shit he was involved in. They just laid there together for a long time. Time was something Euan was losing a grasp on lately. Hours all melted in together, whole days or weeks slipped by while he was was bedridden. The good days he cherished, the bad he spent wishing his life away just to get beyond all this. Mandy and Keiran hadn't fallen apart because they were bad for each, they had fallen apart because they were scared to be good for each other. If that wasn't something worth fighting for while you still could, nothing was.
Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)
-
meandmyrockstar borrowed with love and permission