lightninggavemeabs: (188)
Barry Allen ϟ THE FLASH ([personal profile] lightninggavemeabs) wrote in [community profile] muserevival2015-04-24 07:50 pm

091.1. Muse Prompt: Quote

"I wish my brain had a map to tell me where my heart should go…" - Unknown

Barry wanted to smack himself when he woke up feeling all too comfortable naked and spooned up behind Felicity in her bed. His arm was wrapped protectively around her slender waist, and her favourite perfume that he loved made him feel like he never wanted to move from this position. That didn't stop the cold-hard reality hitting him, closely followed by being drowned in guilt about what they had just done.

He managed to stifle a groan, but he didn't make any immediate attempt to move. He hadn't even meant to fall asleep. That was where it ended, though. He wasn't going to be a complete moron by saying he never meant to have sex with Felicity, effectively resulting in her cheating on her boyfriend with him. He always wondered how people got on the 'It just happened' bandwagon, because there was always a point to you get to where you could stop yourself doing something stupid. Unless you were blind drunk or off your face, things he hadn't really done much of in his life, before intoxicating substances were rendered completely ineffective on him.

Neither of them were drunk. There hadn't been a drop of alcohol in sight, so Barry didn't even have the luxury of a hungover to blame the turmoil that was quickly igniting inside him. Beneath Felicity's soft and cosy bedding, he moved to roll onto his back, looking up at the ceiling of her bedroom. All they had meant to do was try to talk things out to eradicate some of the awkwardness between them... and bitterness on his part. He hadn't wanted to be that asshole who made life difficult when his ex got a new partner, but it had all felt so quick. Life felt quick, but also very volatile.

What he also didn't want to be was that guy who got up and ran out before the person he slept with woke up. Turning his head on the pillow, he took in the way Felicity's soft blonde hair was swept over her shoulder, and he remembered one time when he had woke up exactly like this, spooned up behind her, in the middle of a sneezing fit because her hair had been tickling his nose. That was what their short-lived relationship had been like... a lot of laughs, and a lot of them being goofballs together. They were the same sort of people, and that was why it had ripped his heart out breaking up with her.

He put his hand up and so softly brushed the backs of his fingers against her bare back. Hell, he was so painfully still in love with her. But sometimes the best thing to do for the people you loved was set them free. Once, he thought his mother being murdered was the worst pain he would ever experience. Then more recently, it felt like losing Iris would be and hence the whole charade of keeping her secret identity from her for her own safety. But that had slowly began to be more Joe's goal than his. His feelings for Iris had dwindled and then once he felt that spark of something for Felicity, they were doused completely.

The thought of losing Felicity, and of something horrific happening to her because of a wrong or bad move on his part was the worst, mose sickening terror he had ever felt. They had a few months of being completely compatible and perfect together. They laughed so much, and she had been his solace in his otherwise crazy superhero/metahuman life. He adored romancing her, and they had all sorts of cheesy date nights that ended in really hot sex that would last right into the morning. He was show up to S.T.A.R. Labs after that bright and sparking for whatever Central City wanted to throw at The Flash and Co.

Then Harrison Wells slipped up and Barry's world began to feel like it was bottoming out from under him. He didn't just not know who he could trust anymore, but he didn't know who would play at all his weaknesses and use Felicity as a target to get his attention. He couldn't have that happened. He would rather her alive and safe. That soon became his top priority and began to drive him nuts. He never uttered a word of it to anyone because his relationship had been mostly on the hush. Caitlin and Cisco had suspected, and he had confided in Joe about it. As soon as things began pointing at Wells, he realised that if Cisco and Caitlin could suspect, Wells, always steps ahead of them, probably knew already.

The horrible break-up had happened. Then soon, Felicity showed up in Central City with Ray, who was a weak knock-off of an Oliver type, when Barry was in the midst of turmoil over the fact Wells was the Reverse Flash, a murderer, and they could all be in grave danger. It was easy to push his pain over selectively losing Felicity as his lover trying to work with Joe on learning more about Wells. He pulled it off too, until he saw Felicity cuddling up with another guy, kissing him, dripping in concern for him, right there in front of Barry because apparently no one else in the whole wide world ever could help the boyfriend tweak his suit that emulated superpowers. Just what they all needed, another run-of-the-mill human trying to knock-off being a superhero because he had a 'good heart'. Felicity's epic weakness - thinking people had good hearts.

No, he wasn't going to leave and bid a hasty escape after they slept together. He was going to stay so they could at least face together what they had done. But he couldn't stay in the bed with her. If he did, he would let himself fall right back into old habits of snuggle right up until beyond brunch hours, and wanting to take a shower together, and do cute things couples did together when they were loved up.

He got up, pulled his clothes back on (slowly, because there was a predominant part of his trying to force him to pretend everything was okay), and then went to the kitchen to make some coffee. It was raining outside, and while the kettle boiled he rested his hands on the edge of the sink and stared miserably out the window while his heart led a dull ache inside it be known. Waiting for a regret to kick in that never came. He might be riddled with guilt for making Felicity cheat on her boyfriend, but he didn't regret it because the sex was amazing, but it had also been an incredible comfort for him.

How the hell had everything gotten into such a mess? And - worse - did this mean they really couldn't go back to being just friends?

For Barry/Felicity AU: Felicity used with permission.

BARRY ALLEN
the flash (tv series)