Caleb Meyer Leary (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bemydownfall) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2015-11-17 12:55 pm
bemydownfall) wrote in muserevival2015-11-17 12:55 pm
Entry tags:
107.1. Lyrics
"That place we all run to
It can come down on you
The expectation can be great
If you should ever tire
Or if you should require
A sudden, simple twist of fate
Don't hide away
There's something to be said for pushing through
We'd never ride on horses that discourage you."
• Deadlines and Commitments, The Killers
In the near darkness of Zoran’s room, Caleb lay awake after Zoran had fallen asleep. His arm was draped lightly across the other man’s middle, and he was doing his best to be incredibly still. He knew that Zoran wasn’t sleeping well and the last thing he wanted was to wake him when he finally had fallen asleep. He’d be lying if he didn’t confess that he’d been more than a little caught off guard when he’d woken up to Zoran’s tender kiss, but it hadn’t taken long at all for him to just go with it. It felt right, as nothing and no one else had in so long, and Caleb wasn’t going to fight it.
What had followed had been, at its core, pure comfort, but more than that, at least in Caleb’s mind, a making right of things that had far too long been wrong. Zoran’s kisses were tender but nervous, almost as if he weren’t one hundred percent sure that this was even okay. But Caleb, sleepy, but aware of what was going on, returned the kisses more deeply. Zoran straddling over him woke up a hunger in him that had long been buried under the surface, and there was no turning back from there. The kisses had grown hungrier, and with the nerves and concern reminiscent of their first night together all those years ago, Caleb found that his body longed for Zoran’s. It was far above and beyond anything he could explain, and being inside him felt more like being home than anything ever had since the day he’d walked away from everything they had together and left Zoran confused and alone.
He could spend forever analyzing why he’d done what he’d done as a child… afraid and confused. But it wouldn’t bring healing or comfort to this person he loved who was in pain. Zoran was terrified, the truth being that he was pretty sure at this point he was HIV Positive, and in the midst of dealing with all of that, his father had died, too, leaving Zoran with the painful realization that, cruel and abusive as he might have been when he was drinking, he had apparently still loved and cared for him when he was sober, and that was a shocking and painful thing for someone to realize after all this time.
Caleb’s arms had curled securely around Zoran’s waist as they lay tangled up together, mostly quiet but for their breathing and tender words of love and reassurance. Caleb wasn’t leaving. He needed Zoran to know that, hard though it may have been to believe after everything. He wasn’t leaving. He loved him, and he was staying right here as long as he could. He wasn’t sure how Zoran would feel about it, but Caleb had a bigger place, and he’d thought about, maybe eventually, asking him to move in there. Not yet. He knew it was too soon yet, and that Zoran wouldn’t be ready for something that big. This day and night alone had been huge steps… Asking Caleb to stay with him, and now giving in to the need and desire that both of them were very clearly feeling.
When all was said and done, the exhaustion written all over Zoran had finally taken him, though for how long, Caleb couldn’t be sure. But now the shoe was on the other foot, and Caleb was the one lying awake, watching Zoran sleep… counting the rhythmic breaths by the rise and fall of his chest. This didn’t change everything. He’d be naïve if he thought it did. There was no magic in sex. Comfort, to be sure, but it didn’t take away from the fact that Zoran might be Positive… it didn’t end his grief, and it didn’t suddenly make it easier for him to forget what had happened between him and Caleb in the past. But if it gave even just the slightest hint of healing, Caleb would accept that wholeheartedly.
In the stray streaks of streetlight, Caleb turned in toward Zoran’s body, and had to smile faintly when Zoran curled in toward him, too. He couldn’t be sure if it was because of the cold, but he’d take it. His arm tightened around the other man’s waist and when she was sure that Zoran was secure against him, he let his own eyes close in hopes of sleep.
Caleb Leary
Original Character
It can come down on you
The expectation can be great
If you should ever tire
Or if you should require
A sudden, simple twist of fate
Don't hide away
There's something to be said for pushing through
We'd never ride on horses that discourage you."
• Deadlines and Commitments, The Killers
In the near darkness of Zoran’s room, Caleb lay awake after Zoran had fallen asleep. His arm was draped lightly across the other man’s middle, and he was doing his best to be incredibly still. He knew that Zoran wasn’t sleeping well and the last thing he wanted was to wake him when he finally had fallen asleep. He’d be lying if he didn’t confess that he’d been more than a little caught off guard when he’d woken up to Zoran’s tender kiss, but it hadn’t taken long at all for him to just go with it. It felt right, as nothing and no one else had in so long, and Caleb wasn’t going to fight it.
What had followed had been, at its core, pure comfort, but more than that, at least in Caleb’s mind, a making right of things that had far too long been wrong. Zoran’s kisses were tender but nervous, almost as if he weren’t one hundred percent sure that this was even okay. But Caleb, sleepy, but aware of what was going on, returned the kisses more deeply. Zoran straddling over him woke up a hunger in him that had long been buried under the surface, and there was no turning back from there. The kisses had grown hungrier, and with the nerves and concern reminiscent of their first night together all those years ago, Caleb found that his body longed for Zoran’s. It was far above and beyond anything he could explain, and being inside him felt more like being home than anything ever had since the day he’d walked away from everything they had together and left Zoran confused and alone.
He could spend forever analyzing why he’d done what he’d done as a child… afraid and confused. But it wouldn’t bring healing or comfort to this person he loved who was in pain. Zoran was terrified, the truth being that he was pretty sure at this point he was HIV Positive, and in the midst of dealing with all of that, his father had died, too, leaving Zoran with the painful realization that, cruel and abusive as he might have been when he was drinking, he had apparently still loved and cared for him when he was sober, and that was a shocking and painful thing for someone to realize after all this time.
Caleb’s arms had curled securely around Zoran’s waist as they lay tangled up together, mostly quiet but for their breathing and tender words of love and reassurance. Caleb wasn’t leaving. He needed Zoran to know that, hard though it may have been to believe after everything. He wasn’t leaving. He loved him, and he was staying right here as long as he could. He wasn’t sure how Zoran would feel about it, but Caleb had a bigger place, and he’d thought about, maybe eventually, asking him to move in there. Not yet. He knew it was too soon yet, and that Zoran wouldn’t be ready for something that big. This day and night alone had been huge steps… Asking Caleb to stay with him, and now giving in to the need and desire that both of them were very clearly feeling.
When all was said and done, the exhaustion written all over Zoran had finally taken him, though for how long, Caleb couldn’t be sure. But now the shoe was on the other foot, and Caleb was the one lying awake, watching Zoran sleep… counting the rhythmic breaths by the rise and fall of his chest. This didn’t change everything. He’d be naïve if he thought it did. There was no magic in sex. Comfort, to be sure, but it didn’t take away from the fact that Zoran might be Positive… it didn’t end his grief, and it didn’t suddenly make it easier for him to forget what had happened between him and Caleb in the past. But if it gave even just the slightest hint of healing, Caleb would accept that wholeheartedly.
In the stray streaks of streetlight, Caleb turned in toward Zoran’s body, and had to smile faintly when Zoran curled in toward him, too. He couldn’t be sure if it was because of the cold, but he’d take it. His arm tightened around the other man’s waist and when she was sure that Zoran was secure against him, he let his own eyes close in hopes of sleep.
Original Character