Carter George Beaumont (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
newhorizon) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2015-12-27 09:11 pm
newhorizon) wrote in muserevival2015-12-27 09:11 pm
Entry tags:
111.2. Quote Prompt
"Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day." - Taylor Hanson
Carter was having trouble sleeping that night. That hadn't happened a single night that he spent with Karla, even if they were still in the very early days of their relationship. She made things feel relaxing and content. It was easy to fall asleep with her wrapped in his arms, and to wake up the next morning much the same. That night, he had a lot on his mind and he didn't want to start tossing and turning or he would wake Karla too.
He carefully shifted in the bed, making sure not to wake her, and got up, pulling his bathrobe on and headed out of the bedroom. Pausing in the kitchen, he got a glass and put some ice into it, and headed out into the living room to pour himself a shot of Scotch. Hopefully a little of that would invite sleep, and he took a seat in the armchair by the window with views out over New York City.
There was a headache already developing behind his eyes; tension, most likely. He didn't know how he kept managing to fail as a father to his eldest son, and it hurt inside. It was perhaps hurting more lately than ever because he was aware life was short. Another scare with his youngest son's health, another chance at love, painful things happening to special people in his life. He sipped from the glass, the ice cubes hitting the sides the only sound in the otherwise silent apartment at almost two in the morning.
The memory of Jared's birth was as clear as day to him, even still after all these years had passed. It wasn't standard back then to know the gender of the baby in advance, so it was a surprise. Carter remembering holding Jared in his arms for the first time, promising to love and protect him no matter what. The first, he had never faltered on, the second, he wasn't sure he ever had a chance at. Never in a million years would he have anticipated an estrangement from one of his children.
He had become a father very young, but not less proud than the more mature new parents. Bursting with pride, in fact. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to become a father, and he had learned that nothing would ever match it. Nothing could take that away from him, even if it was destined to all fall apart when Jared grew up and wanted nothing to do with Carter. Julian was a second chance, in a sense. Where Jared was nothing like Carter, Julian was very similar to him. Even from a tiny boy, Jared would sit on his knee at the office cuddled into him and snoozing against his chest while Carter kept on his daily work. He was always a father before he was anything else. Though, that notion was lost in translation with Jared somewhere.
Then came attending that funeral with Karla. It had been moral support, wanting to be there for her during what would inevitably be a painful moment for her with a young man she considered like a surrogate son. One of her best friend's children had to put his biological father into the ground. He would never get a chance to hug him again, or talk to him, or tell him what being his son meant to him. It had been a terrible day. Zoran had been distraught, which quickly escalated to distressed anger. Carter was holding Karla, and no one knew what to do. But all it made him think of was the fact he was estranged from his own son, and if he lost his life prematurely tomorrow, he would have lost incredible amounts of time with his son. But worst of all, he found himself wondering if Jared would even be affected by his death, and that hurt too. It hurt, because he didn't know the answer to it.
Carter knew he hadn't been a perfect father, to either of his children. He had to wing a lot of it because he was young, and all he had as a yard stick was his own father who died too soon from a heart attack. He was a father with exceptionally traditional ideals, expectations, and mindset. With a distinctly prominent company he suddenly had the reigns of, he thought that sticking to tradition was the only way to handle it. To have a son to carry on the family name, and also to be poised to inherit the company that was built up from nothing and now a multi-billion dollar corporation. Through all that, he just wanted to be a good dad, and one that was there for his kids, unlike his own father. Carter was raised by a nanny and the only relationship he had with his dad was purely business and grooming him to run the company.
He didn't know how to change things with Jared. He reached out to him, only to get a text cancelling their plans because Jared accepted a shift at work. What he had been feeling at the funeral started to slip away into feeling like it was useless to even try. Every facet of fathering he had attempted with Jared over the years had been a failure, on various levels. It never seemed to be right. When Julian came along, it clicked so much easier. Julian adored him, actively spent a lot of time with him, and smoothly transitioned as second-in-charge of the company when he turned 21 and took to it like a duck to water.
Carter finished his drink and poured himself another. Maybe it wasn't at all the fact that he thought Jared wouldn't be affected by his death if something horrific happened to take his life. Maybe all it was was knowing that if he passed away, there would be absolutely no gap in Jared's life of his absence. Reaching out to try to amend things became harder with each rejection. The bottom line was, he didn't know how to be Jared's father because he had lost all chances to try and with every rejection, it was a blow that emphasised his uselessness.
It did hurt, but now all he could feel was that maybe it really was time to just walk away and let Jared live whatever life he needed, without a father he never needed either.
Carter was having trouble sleeping that night. That hadn't happened a single night that he spent with Karla, even if they were still in the very early days of their relationship. She made things feel relaxing and content. It was easy to fall asleep with her wrapped in his arms, and to wake up the next morning much the same. That night, he had a lot on his mind and he didn't want to start tossing and turning or he would wake Karla too.
He carefully shifted in the bed, making sure not to wake her, and got up, pulling his bathrobe on and headed out of the bedroom. Pausing in the kitchen, he got a glass and put some ice into it, and headed out into the living room to pour himself a shot of Scotch. Hopefully a little of that would invite sleep, and he took a seat in the armchair by the window with views out over New York City.
There was a headache already developing behind his eyes; tension, most likely. He didn't know how he kept managing to fail as a father to his eldest son, and it hurt inside. It was perhaps hurting more lately than ever because he was aware life was short. Another scare with his youngest son's health, another chance at love, painful things happening to special people in his life. He sipped from the glass, the ice cubes hitting the sides the only sound in the otherwise silent apartment at almost two in the morning.
The memory of Jared's birth was as clear as day to him, even still after all these years had passed. It wasn't standard back then to know the gender of the baby in advance, so it was a surprise. Carter remembering holding Jared in his arms for the first time, promising to love and protect him no matter what. The first, he had never faltered on, the second, he wasn't sure he ever had a chance at. Never in a million years would he have anticipated an estrangement from one of his children.
He had become a father very young, but not less proud than the more mature new parents. Bursting with pride, in fact. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to become a father, and he had learned that nothing would ever match it. Nothing could take that away from him, even if it was destined to all fall apart when Jared grew up and wanted nothing to do with Carter. Julian was a second chance, in a sense. Where Jared was nothing like Carter, Julian was very similar to him. Even from a tiny boy, Jared would sit on his knee at the office cuddled into him and snoozing against his chest while Carter kept on his daily work. He was always a father before he was anything else. Though, that notion was lost in translation with Jared somewhere.
Then came attending that funeral with Karla. It had been moral support, wanting to be there for her during what would inevitably be a painful moment for her with a young man she considered like a surrogate son. One of her best friend's children had to put his biological father into the ground. He would never get a chance to hug him again, or talk to him, or tell him what being his son meant to him. It had been a terrible day. Zoran had been distraught, which quickly escalated to distressed anger. Carter was holding Karla, and no one knew what to do. But all it made him think of was the fact he was estranged from his own son, and if he lost his life prematurely tomorrow, he would have lost incredible amounts of time with his son. But worst of all, he found himself wondering if Jared would even be affected by his death, and that hurt too. It hurt, because he didn't know the answer to it.
Carter knew he hadn't been a perfect father, to either of his children. He had to wing a lot of it because he was young, and all he had as a yard stick was his own father who died too soon from a heart attack. He was a father with exceptionally traditional ideals, expectations, and mindset. With a distinctly prominent company he suddenly had the reigns of, he thought that sticking to tradition was the only way to handle it. To have a son to carry on the family name, and also to be poised to inherit the company that was built up from nothing and now a multi-billion dollar corporation. Through all that, he just wanted to be a good dad, and one that was there for his kids, unlike his own father. Carter was raised by a nanny and the only relationship he had with his dad was purely business and grooming him to run the company.
He didn't know how to change things with Jared. He reached out to him, only to get a text cancelling their plans because Jared accepted a shift at work. What he had been feeling at the funeral started to slip away into feeling like it was useless to even try. Every facet of fathering he had attempted with Jared over the years had been a failure, on various levels. It never seemed to be right. When Julian came along, it clicked so much easier. Julian adored him, actively spent a lot of time with him, and smoothly transitioned as second-in-charge of the company when he turned 21 and took to it like a duck to water.
Carter finished his drink and poured himself another. Maybe it wasn't at all the fact that he thought Jared wouldn't be affected by his death if something horrific happened to take his life. Maybe all it was was knowing that if he passed away, there would be absolutely no gap in Jared's life of his absence. Reaching out to try to amend things became harder with each rejection. The bottom line was, he didn't know how to be Jared's father because he had lost all chances to try and with every rejection, it was a blow that emphasised his uselessness.
It did hurt, but now all he could feel was that maybe it really was time to just walk away and let Jared live whatever life he needed, without a father he never needed either.
@ Carter Beaumont
Original Character