113.5. 10 things

[privateinvestigations]

Ten things that comfort you in hard times

1. Fucking
2. Hitting things
3. Shooting things
4. Booze
5. Weed
6. Hard rock
7. Smokes
8. Long drives in fast cars
9. Not talking to idiots
10. Extensively mocking dickheads

clint chevalier
original character

Comments

[imtoofabulous]

I don't know. Maybe it'll hurt less if I soften the blow now. I don't fucking know, but it's not looking good, is it?

[privateinvestigations]

I actually think it's looking really fucking good to what it was the day after the cunt stabbed you. Looking at whole lot better than when you were bleeding out while I was trying to give you CPR.

[imtoofabulous]

You gave me CPR?

[privateinvestigations]

I had to. You were dying. Harley couldn't, he was the closest to you. He took his shirt off and used it to try to tourniquet the bleeding until the paramedics got there.

[imtoofabulous]

You're the last thing I really remember. You were yelling at me not to die.

[privateinvestigations]

Yeah, so fuck you for thinking all I think about is my cock after all that. I told you, it's the last fucking thing on my mind.

[imtoofabulous]

I'm sorry, babe. I don't know how to figure any of this shit out either. I didn't mean to minimise any of this fucking shit you're dealing with.

[privateinvestigations]

You're not. I know you're not trying to fuck with me. This shit has changed me, alright? There's no way it wouldn't. I'm used to being the alpha male, fucking leading shit and getting the job done. With this, with you, I had no control. Someone tried to destroy you, and that's been the most horrible fucking shit I've ever felt in my life. We're both hurt, and neither has the fucking answers.

[imtoofabulous]

Yeah, I started to get that memo with the whole engagement ring thing. I'm still waiting for you to wake up and go, "WTF WAS I THINKING?!"

[privateinvestigations]

I'm wide awake, Linc.

[imtoofabulous]

I don't want to marry you if I end up with ED.

[privateinvestigations]

Okay. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I ain't fighting with you, or what you need, babe. This ain't a vital clause. I ain't gonna walk away from you, either. Not on your fucking life. Whatever you're feeling, however much you're fucking hurting, I'm on your side.

[imtoofabulous]

So, calling you a cunt, telling you I hate you, and you have a small dick to push you away won't work?

[privateinvestigations]

I do have a small dick... compared to a fucking elephant :P

[imtoofabulous]

I have absolutely no basis for fucking denial on that because the whole world knows it.

[privateinvestigations]

What's fucking modesty? A cock's just another body part, I don't care who sees my junk. Maybe we can have a nudist wedding.

[imtoofabulous]

I don't wanna see my grandma or sister nude, and both will murder me if I get married without them.

[privateinvestigations]

How come I never knew your grandma was still alive? I fucking randomly met her when she Mrs Doubtfired me when they were cutting you open again.

[imtoofabulous]

It never came up? She lives overseas. She's a retired midwife and has been fostering kids since before I was born. Probably into triple digits of amounts by now. Kids who've been abused or neglected, born into drug houses and shit like that.

[privateinvestigations]

Everything alright between you two? Where does she live? Fuck, she sounds like an incredible woman. I like her, she's got fucking granny sassy like a boss.

[imtoofabulous]

It's great, I adore her. She's living her calling, and that makes me a proud as fuck grandson. Always has. I used to stay with her for six weeks every summer when I was younger, and I stayed with her for four months while you were OS and disappeared off the fucking face of the earth. Yorkshire in England. She's American, my grandfather was English. He was killed in Vietnam War.

[privateinvestigations]

Seriously? Fuck. Did you work when you were over there? She nearly scared the fucking shit out of me. I was waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and tell me you didn't make it. But she was giving me a cup of tea. She knew who I was.

[imtoofabulous]

Yeah, I signed with Burberry and did some shoots for Alexander McQueen. Had to keep busy. You were fucking gone, Em was gone. I was kind of disconnected. Of course she knew you, she's seen pictures. I send her shit all the time. Snail mail. She's not a fan of the internet.

[privateinvestigations]

You should've let me know, babe. We could've gone over and visited her for awhile.

[imtoofabulous]

No, we couldn't have. There was too much fucking going on. We needed to be here. It's fine, she's a take each day lady. She's content if we stay in touch and call her up each week. But then this happened. My great aunt saw it online and went straight around to her place to show her.