113.5. 10 things

[privateinvestigations]

Ten things that comfort you in hard times

1. Fucking
2. Hitting things
3. Shooting things
4. Booze
5. Weed
6. Hard rock
7. Smokes
8. Long drives in fast cars
9. Not talking to idiots
10. Extensively mocking dickheads

clint chevalier
original character

Comments

[privateinvestigations]

How come I never knew your grandma was still alive? I fucking randomly met her when she Mrs Doubtfired me when they were cutting you open again.

[imtoofabulous]

It never came up? She lives overseas. She's a retired midwife and has been fostering kids since before I was born. Probably into triple digits of amounts by now. Kids who've been abused or neglected, born into drug houses and shit like that.

[privateinvestigations]

Everything alright between you two? Where does she live? Fuck, she sounds like an incredible woman. I like her, she's got fucking granny sassy like a boss.

[imtoofabulous]

It's great, I adore her. She's living her calling, and that makes me a proud as fuck grandson. Always has. I used to stay with her for six weeks every summer when I was younger, and I stayed with her for four months while you were OS and disappeared off the fucking face of the earth. Yorkshire in England. She's American, my grandfather was English. He was killed in Vietnam War.

[privateinvestigations]

Seriously? Fuck. Did you work when you were over there? She nearly scared the fucking shit out of me. I was waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and tell me you didn't make it. But she was giving me a cup of tea. She knew who I was.

[imtoofabulous]

Yeah, I signed with Burberry and did some shoots for Alexander McQueen. Had to keep busy. You were fucking gone, Em was gone. I was kind of disconnected. Of course she knew you, she's seen pictures. I send her shit all the time. Snail mail. She's not a fan of the internet.

[privateinvestigations]

You should've let me know, babe. We could've gone over and visited her for awhile.

[imtoofabulous]

No, we couldn't have. There was too much fucking going on. We needed to be here. It's fine, she's a take each day lady. She's content if we stay in touch and call her up each week. But then this happened. My great aunt saw it online and went straight around to her place to show her.

[privateinvestigations]

What the fuck? Is your great aunt a sadist?

[imtoofabulous]

No, but she's a typical old maid spinster type. She likes baking scones and watching Corrie. It wouldn't have crossed her mind not to show her when she saw it. They're really close, just different. Don't worry, my granny is tough as a brass balls. She can shoulder it.

[privateinvestigations]

Pretty sure she was gonna kick my ass if I didn't drink that tea. Has it helped getting to see her, babe?

[imtoofabulous]

She probably would. She knows you're important to me, and knows I need you right now. Don't put it past her to strap you down and force-feed you meat and three veg. I haven't talked a lot to her. She keeps telling me I don't need to. She's right, just having someone there is better than anything.

[privateinvestigations]

That sounds just a little bit fucking terrifying. You don't fucking need to, babe. We understand. You gotta know that.

[imtoofabulous]

You'll fucking love her. She doesn't take shit, but she's open-minded. I just want to talk things through with you, and figure the other shit out some other time.

[privateinvestigations]

She must be if she's cool with you being with me. Is it this dick thing that's been worrying you?

[imtoofabulous]

She's got a different take on the whole fucking thing. She thinks if we've been comfortable with each other for so long and haven't needed to change for each other, it's a match made in heaven. It's a big fucking thing, okay? Worrying about that means I don't have to think about this horrible fucking bag attached to me.

[privateinvestigations]

Have you felt like you needed to change for me? Hey, hey. I'm not asking you to justify it, babe. Not at fucking all. The bag's only going to be temporary.

[imtoofabulous]

No, but when she said it, I wondered if I was expecting you to change for me. Then I got fucking stabbed, so. It might be permanent. They don't know yet.

[privateinvestigations]

Nope. That wasn't how it went down. We were progressing, not changing. There's a big fucking difference. Do you want to talk this stuff through, or are you just feeling really angry it's happening?

[imtoofabulous]

Whatever the fuck it was, everything's changed now. I'm really fucking angry, but too sick to do anything with it.

[privateinvestigations]

Yeah, I'm still fucking here for you, babe. However you're feeling. I'm angry too, it should never have been you. It should've been me.

[imtoofabulous]

Don't say that. It shouldn't have been fucking anyone. It sucks, I hate it, I want to fucking punch the shit out of something. But it is what it is.

[privateinvestigations]

Linc, I want you to fucking listen to me, alright? I don't care if your dick doesn't work. I don't care if you have the bag. And by 'don't care', I mean it's just what we're dealing with now, and it's not a complex issue between us. Because I do fucking care about you. I care about you more than anything else in this entire fucking shitbag of a world. We're doing this together. We're gonna be angry together. We're gonna fucking cry together if we have to. But I ain't going anywhere. I'm gonna be there for you and help you with anything you need, all the way.

[imtoofabulous]

Thank you, gorgeous. I needed to hear all this right now.

[privateinvestigations]

I mean every fucking word of it, Linc. We're gonna get there somehow. I fucking hate seeing you in this much pain.