Caprice "Reecy" Chester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
headingforsomething) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2016-10-18 12:00 pm
headingforsomething) wrote in muserevival2016-10-18 12:00 pm
Entry tags:
129.1. Lyrics
"I didn't understand
I didn't wanna know
At least I took a chance
I had to let it go."
• Elevator, David Archuleta
Although Portland, Oregon, was Reecy’s intended destination, she made a much-needed stopover in Arkansas on the way. The hardest part for her was knowing that, given the chance, she could fall in love with her fabulously spontaneous, tall, dark and handsome cowboy. He had swept her off her feet, made her feel special, treated her with such kindness and affection. He had become like a drug for her, and in that, she knew it was time to go cold turkey.
It was a relief for her to visit Craig in Arkansas. Besides the fact she got to perve on him shirtless while he groomed his horse, she learned that the reason he had be planning to made the move to New York was both personal and professional. It wasn’t to chase after her so they could prance into the sunset together to live happily ever after. Okay, so she was a basic bitch who had had dreams of that while she had been swept up in his bubble of arousing attention. She had been through hell with her last break-up, and it had made her feel worthless, like she didn’t deserve the admiration and fluffy-love that her friends seemed to have in bucketloads.
Craig was the epitome of perfection, and if he moved to New York, she would’ve wanted to pursue something, because she was addicted. Not only did she have this addiction to what he was giving her, but her self-esteem and self-worth had plummeted. To the point she had found herself falling into the trap of an eating disorder. She put so much pressure on herself not to just be the pristine and perfect Broadway leading lady, but to try to forge some sort of construction of herself that meant she might have a stab at being something someone would desire and look at like she made their world just a little bit brighter.
Breaking up with Jude left her feeling like she just didn’t matter. And as a result, she felt pressured to force herself into a mould she didn’t belong. She looked at her body and hated it. She looked at her life, and felt lonely. She looked at her friendships, and felt like a third-wheel. She looked at her ambitions, and felt like everyone else was better than her. It was a vicious cycle. A dangerous cycle. Craig had been the band-aid for that. He was the temporary veil to deeper issues. What she had to learn again was to love herself, like she used to in the past. She used to be so vibrant and independent. All of that had disintegrated, and her emotions were scattered all over the place.
Craig was beautiful, and she knew as she waved goodbye to him at the airport in Arkansas that she would have a friend for life. His reasons for considering the move to New York were because he wanted to be closer to Fin, and he had already been looking to transfer his job so expand his world experience out of being a good ol’ fashioned country boy. New York had been the top of the list of transfer he had been offered. He had only ever hoped to pursue something with her if she was ready, and he knew she wasn’t. He knew that she had to find herself first, to know the place she fit again. He also noted, just in the short time they had been seeing each other, that she had lost weight and he had been concerned, but hadn’t wanted to step out of line to talk to her about it.
And she had. In the beautiful guest house she was staying in Portland on a journey of self re-discovery, she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t look away. She forced herself to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and questioned whether the bad and the ugly were really that, or whether she had just come to hate what she thought everyone wanted from her.
Now, she was sitting outside in a garden swing with her guitar that she hadn’t picked up in months. She was strumming it softly, watching the beautiful sunset over views in the distance. The colours were magical. It was like the world was inviting her once again to see the beauty in it, and see what she had to offer again. And she didn’t need a partner to qualify any of that. She knew it would be nice to one day hope to find her soul mate, and have someone who brightened up her world. Someone to cuddle and kiss. Someone to hold her when things felt bad. But she knew she didn’t need that be complete. She didn’t need to be a Size 2, she didn’t need to have a perfectly flat belly and fear the sight of stretch marks. She didn’t have to look in the mirror and a couture-laden, makeup-drenched, perfectly-styled fabulous diva staring back at her all the time. All she needed was to look and see Reecy, someone who loved hard, laughed, smiled, and protected fiercely.
And she knew above all that, if she did find her heart warming for someone and the flicker of excited butterflies in her belly when they walked into the room, that she would never have to change anything about the real person she was, because they would look back at her and feel exactly the same way she does.
Until then, she was happy to stop, breathe, and remember the best things in life didn’t need her to change anything.
Reecy Chester
{ Original Character }
I didn't wanna know
At least I took a chance
I had to let it go."
• Elevator, David Archuleta
Although Portland, Oregon, was Reecy’s intended destination, she made a much-needed stopover in Arkansas on the way. The hardest part for her was knowing that, given the chance, she could fall in love with her fabulously spontaneous, tall, dark and handsome cowboy. He had swept her off her feet, made her feel special, treated her with such kindness and affection. He had become like a drug for her, and in that, she knew it was time to go cold turkey.
It was a relief for her to visit Craig in Arkansas. Besides the fact she got to perve on him shirtless while he groomed his horse, she learned that the reason he had be planning to made the move to New York was both personal and professional. It wasn’t to chase after her so they could prance into the sunset together to live happily ever after. Okay, so she was a basic bitch who had had dreams of that while she had been swept up in his bubble of arousing attention. She had been through hell with her last break-up, and it had made her feel worthless, like she didn’t deserve the admiration and fluffy-love that her friends seemed to have in bucketloads.
Craig was the epitome of perfection, and if he moved to New York, she would’ve wanted to pursue something, because she was addicted. Not only did she have this addiction to what he was giving her, but her self-esteem and self-worth had plummeted. To the point she had found herself falling into the trap of an eating disorder. She put so much pressure on herself not to just be the pristine and perfect Broadway leading lady, but to try to forge some sort of construction of herself that meant she might have a stab at being something someone would desire and look at like she made their world just a little bit brighter.
Breaking up with Jude left her feeling like she just didn’t matter. And as a result, she felt pressured to force herself into a mould she didn’t belong. She looked at her body and hated it. She looked at her life, and felt lonely. She looked at her friendships, and felt like a third-wheel. She looked at her ambitions, and felt like everyone else was better than her. It was a vicious cycle. A dangerous cycle. Craig had been the band-aid for that. He was the temporary veil to deeper issues. What she had to learn again was to love herself, like she used to in the past. She used to be so vibrant and independent. All of that had disintegrated, and her emotions were scattered all over the place.
Craig was beautiful, and she knew as she waved goodbye to him at the airport in Arkansas that she would have a friend for life. His reasons for considering the move to New York were because he wanted to be closer to Fin, and he had already been looking to transfer his job so expand his world experience out of being a good ol’ fashioned country boy. New York had been the top of the list of transfer he had been offered. He had only ever hoped to pursue something with her if she was ready, and he knew she wasn’t. He knew that she had to find herself first, to know the place she fit again. He also noted, just in the short time they had been seeing each other, that she had lost weight and he had been concerned, but hadn’t wanted to step out of line to talk to her about it.
And she had. In the beautiful guest house she was staying in Portland on a journey of self re-discovery, she looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t look away. She forced herself to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and questioned whether the bad and the ugly were really that, or whether she had just come to hate what she thought everyone wanted from her.
Now, she was sitting outside in a garden swing with her guitar that she hadn’t picked up in months. She was strumming it softly, watching the beautiful sunset over views in the distance. The colours were magical. It was like the world was inviting her once again to see the beauty in it, and see what she had to offer again. And she didn’t need a partner to qualify any of that. She knew it would be nice to one day hope to find her soul mate, and have someone who brightened up her world. Someone to cuddle and kiss. Someone to hold her when things felt bad. But she knew she didn’t need that be complete. She didn’t need to be a Size 2, she didn’t need to have a perfectly flat belly and fear the sight of stretch marks. She didn’t have to look in the mirror and a couture-laden, makeup-drenched, perfectly-styled fabulous diva staring back at her all the time. All she needed was to look and see Reecy, someone who loved hard, laughed, smiled, and protected fiercely.
And she knew above all that, if she did find her heart warming for someone and the flicker of excited butterflies in her belly when they walked into the room, that she would never have to change anything about the real person she was, because they would look back at her and feel exactly the same way she does.
Until then, she was happy to stop, breathe, and remember the best things in life didn’t need her to change anything.
{ Original Character }