Detective Julie Gresham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hotbrassdance) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2013-11-21 12:59 am
hotbrassdance) wrote in muserevival2013-11-21 12:59 am
Entry tags:
043.1. Muse prompt
"Stop digging your own grave,
When there's so much to live for."
(Choose Your Battles, Katy Perry)
Julie wished she didn’t know what the hell she was doing, but she did. Professing to be not knowing what she was doing would be a cop-out, and poor excuse at best. It was also a weak excuse in that it took her own responsibility for anything out of the equation, and was always one to take account for her own actions. It couldn’t be any different now. At the end of the day, she could at least admit to herself that she very much knew what she was doing, she just didn’t know what the next move would be after did what she was planning on doing.
Lately, her life had been crazy. Her work kept things hectic enough, but there was a lot of shit hitting a lot of fans for people in her private life that it had gotten her thinking deeply. Her baby sister, the youngest of six children with Julie the oldest, was pregnant. That alone had Julie in a pretty intense WTF mode. She had wanted to be angry, ask Rosie what the hell she was playing at when she had the world at her feet, but when she saw how happy Rosie was with Angel, albeit scared and nervous about what becoming a mom would mean for her, Julie couldn’t be mad. This would be one of the most stressful times of Rosie’s life and she deserved the love and support of all her family and Julie, as her biggest sister, even more so.
But that wasn’t what had her peeling out of the carpark of Mount Sinai Hospital and pulling into the heavy post-work rush hour traffic. Normally she would avoid the roads at this time like the plague. Inevitably, her mind turned to Euan. Lately, all her mind did was turn to Euan. She wanted to tell him how much her heart was breaking for him, how much she wanted to hold him, and help him. But that sort of thing really wasn’t what Euan found comfort in. There was very little he found comfort in, and the things he did were hanging precariously in the balance after a terrible, terrible mistake.
She didn’t know what being an addict was like. That was the hardest part for everyone who loved and cared for the Irish detective. How could you try to tell him how to suck eggs when you didn’t fucking know how to suck them yourself? Being a cop, you had to at least have a clinical understanding of that sort of thing. As would doctors. But until you lived it and nearly destroyed your life with it, fought with it daily, how could you know? You couldn’t. And that was the hardest fucking part of all. Julie just wished she could help him. He was thankfully not turning down offers of help. At first, he had, and that was why he was in this mess to start with. Julie was so fucking pissed off when she heard that he hadn’t given her all the shit to flush that day. She had been so angry, she had to make herself completely scarce from the situation for a full two days, because if she saw him, she would have messed him up a whole lot worse than he messed up poor Nathan.
Now that the dust had settled and Euan had his ducks in a row of where he had to go to try to get back on his feet (a messy line, but a line just the same), she had gone to the hospital to see him and talk to him. She hadn’t exactly known what it was she was going to talk to him about, though. Just something. Maybe it didn’t really matter what the something was. But he hadn’t been there. True to his word, he had apparently gone home to get some rest while his older brother, Ronan and his wife took turns sitting at Ciaran’s bedside so the little boy would have someone familiar there for him if he woke up.
She didn’t know how the hell that tiny piece of knowledge was like flicking a switch in her brain, but it was.
The drive to Euan’s apartment seemed to take about eight times longer than it usually did. She stopped and picked him up some groceries, just a few things he probably wouldn’t bother with himself or would go without if it wasn’t there. She was on autopilot the whole route of the grocery store and even accidentally gave the checkout guy a hundred dollar tip by mistake. She managed to get a parking spot a block walk from his apartment, and sat in the car, hands gripped around the steering wheel trying to gather her thoughts. The emotions she had been bottling up sprung a leak and as she battled with her conscience, she sat there, forehead resting on the backs of her hands, and quietly gave into tears she had been trying to hold back.
She stayed there awhile because no matter what her plan had been, she wasn’t going to have him open the door and realise she had been fucking crying. An almost spent pocket pack of Kleenex was dug out of her handbag and she wiped her eyes, waiting until her reflection in the rearview mirror didn’t give her away. Euan would probably be asleep by now anyway. That could have been another juncture she gave in and just threw this whole thing out the window. Gotten back into her car and driven back to the station to finish up the pile of paperwork she had waiting and was supposed to be catching up on. She didn’t, though. By now, she couldn’t, even if there was a little voice inside her telling her that she should.
Hoisting the bag of groceries from the passenger’s seat of her car, she quickly checking her appearance again, tucking her red hair behind her ears. There was just no sense in putting this off anymore. She had to speak to him. She couldn’t ignore him forever. She didn’t want to either. She was in a bit of a daze walking from her car to the apartment. She had a key, for the pure reason that if Ciaran ever got ill, she could be one port of call to have access to the place if Euan needed anyone to bring him things to the hospital. She let herself into the apartment building but didn’t intrude at his front door. She pushed the buzzer instead, figuring if he was asleep, it wouldn’t bother him if she rung once. If there was no answer, she could just leave, and that would be that.
Only, it was all of thirty seconds after she rang that the door opened. Euan was standing there with just a pair of track pants on, no shirt. His hair was in a bit of a disarray, but it was impossible for her to tell if he had been asleep or just trying to with no luck. Or maybe even still trying to work up to getting his eyes to close when he had so much spinning around in his head like the spin cycle of a washing machine. Only not impossible, because after a few moments of taking in his eyes, and the fact he was looking washed out and drained, she knew he hadn’t been asleep. The attire just told her he had at least been trying. He was trying so hard. So fucking hard. That was the saddest part.
After a silence bounced back and forth between them, both seeming lost for words, it was Julie who knew she had to break it. She stepped inside with a soft clear of her throat and put the grocery bag down onto the little table inside his door where he usually emptied his pockets once he was home. Her handbag was put onto the floor beside the table, and then she finally turned to him, this time much less of a gap between them. “I want to be the one you fuck your troubles away with,” she told him softly and then hooked her hand around his waist and pulled him into a soft, but insistent kiss.
Julie Gresham // Original Character // 1374 words
-lovesguinness referenced and used with much love from his wonderful mun
When there's so much to live for."
(Choose Your Battles, Katy Perry)
Julie wished she didn’t know what the hell she was doing, but she did. Professing to be not knowing what she was doing would be a cop-out, and poor excuse at best. It was also a weak excuse in that it took her own responsibility for anything out of the equation, and was always one to take account for her own actions. It couldn’t be any different now. At the end of the day, she could at least admit to herself that she very much knew what she was doing, she just didn’t know what the next move would be after did what she was planning on doing.
Lately, her life had been crazy. Her work kept things hectic enough, but there was a lot of shit hitting a lot of fans for people in her private life that it had gotten her thinking deeply. Her baby sister, the youngest of six children with Julie the oldest, was pregnant. That alone had Julie in a pretty intense WTF mode. She had wanted to be angry, ask Rosie what the hell she was playing at when she had the world at her feet, but when she saw how happy Rosie was with Angel, albeit scared and nervous about what becoming a mom would mean for her, Julie couldn’t be mad. This would be one of the most stressful times of Rosie’s life and she deserved the love and support of all her family and Julie, as her biggest sister, even more so.
But that wasn’t what had her peeling out of the carpark of Mount Sinai Hospital and pulling into the heavy post-work rush hour traffic. Normally she would avoid the roads at this time like the plague. Inevitably, her mind turned to Euan. Lately, all her mind did was turn to Euan. She wanted to tell him how much her heart was breaking for him, how much she wanted to hold him, and help him. But that sort of thing really wasn’t what Euan found comfort in. There was very little he found comfort in, and the things he did were hanging precariously in the balance after a terrible, terrible mistake.
She didn’t know what being an addict was like. That was the hardest part for everyone who loved and cared for the Irish detective. How could you try to tell him how to suck eggs when you didn’t fucking know how to suck them yourself? Being a cop, you had to at least have a clinical understanding of that sort of thing. As would doctors. But until you lived it and nearly destroyed your life with it, fought with it daily, how could you know? You couldn’t. And that was the hardest fucking part of all. Julie just wished she could help him. He was thankfully not turning down offers of help. At first, he had, and that was why he was in this mess to start with. Julie was so fucking pissed off when she heard that he hadn’t given her all the shit to flush that day. She had been so angry, she had to make herself completely scarce from the situation for a full two days, because if she saw him, she would have messed him up a whole lot worse than he messed up poor Nathan.
Now that the dust had settled and Euan had his ducks in a row of where he had to go to try to get back on his feet (a messy line, but a line just the same), she had gone to the hospital to see him and talk to him. She hadn’t exactly known what it was she was going to talk to him about, though. Just something. Maybe it didn’t really matter what the something was. But he hadn’t been there. True to his word, he had apparently gone home to get some rest while his older brother, Ronan and his wife took turns sitting at Ciaran’s bedside so the little boy would have someone familiar there for him if he woke up.
She didn’t know how the hell that tiny piece of knowledge was like flicking a switch in her brain, but it was.
The drive to Euan’s apartment seemed to take about eight times longer than it usually did. She stopped and picked him up some groceries, just a few things he probably wouldn’t bother with himself or would go without if it wasn’t there. She was on autopilot the whole route of the grocery store and even accidentally gave the checkout guy a hundred dollar tip by mistake. She managed to get a parking spot a block walk from his apartment, and sat in the car, hands gripped around the steering wheel trying to gather her thoughts. The emotions she had been bottling up sprung a leak and as she battled with her conscience, she sat there, forehead resting on the backs of her hands, and quietly gave into tears she had been trying to hold back.
She stayed there awhile because no matter what her plan had been, she wasn’t going to have him open the door and realise she had been fucking crying. An almost spent pocket pack of Kleenex was dug out of her handbag and she wiped her eyes, waiting until her reflection in the rearview mirror didn’t give her away. Euan would probably be asleep by now anyway. That could have been another juncture she gave in and just threw this whole thing out the window. Gotten back into her car and driven back to the station to finish up the pile of paperwork she had waiting and was supposed to be catching up on. She didn’t, though. By now, she couldn’t, even if there was a little voice inside her telling her that she should.
Hoisting the bag of groceries from the passenger’s seat of her car, she quickly checking her appearance again, tucking her red hair behind her ears. There was just no sense in putting this off anymore. She had to speak to him. She couldn’t ignore him forever. She didn’t want to either. She was in a bit of a daze walking from her car to the apartment. She had a key, for the pure reason that if Ciaran ever got ill, she could be one port of call to have access to the place if Euan needed anyone to bring him things to the hospital. She let herself into the apartment building but didn’t intrude at his front door. She pushed the buzzer instead, figuring if he was asleep, it wouldn’t bother him if she rung once. If there was no answer, she could just leave, and that would be that.
Only, it was all of thirty seconds after she rang that the door opened. Euan was standing there with just a pair of track pants on, no shirt. His hair was in a bit of a disarray, but it was impossible for her to tell if he had been asleep or just trying to with no luck. Or maybe even still trying to work up to getting his eyes to close when he had so much spinning around in his head like the spin cycle of a washing machine. Only not impossible, because after a few moments of taking in his eyes, and the fact he was looking washed out and drained, she knew he hadn’t been asleep. The attire just told her he had at least been trying. He was trying so hard. So fucking hard. That was the saddest part.
After a silence bounced back and forth between them, both seeming lost for words, it was Julie who knew she had to break it. She stepped inside with a soft clear of her throat and put the grocery bag down onto the little table inside his door where he usually emptied his pockets once he was home. Her handbag was put onto the floor beside the table, and then she finally turned to him, this time much less of a gap between them. “I want to be the one you fuck your troubles away with,” she told him softly and then hooked her hand around his waist and pulled him into a soft, but insistent kiss.
Julie Gresham // Original Character // 1374 words
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lovesguinness referenced and used with much love from his wonderful mun