Detective Julie Gresham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hotbrassdance) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2013-11-29 12:24 pm
hotbrassdance) wrote in muserevival2013-11-29 12:24 pm
Quote of the Day 003.
“I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.”
- The Wonder Years (TV Show)
The irony that they finally let restricted visitors into Euan’s room on Thanksgiving was like a rude kick in the guts for Julie. They had waited days for them to at least classify him as stable. She wasn’t even sure she could face it now she had the permission. She knew Euan’s nephew, Corey, couldn’t face it. She had been in the room with the poor kid when they were told the news, and all he did was pale and walk out. He hadn’t come back either. The rest of Euan’s New York-based family went in to spend some time with him then and Julie left the hospital. She wasn’t sure she could face this, but she had been waiting for days for it to come. She was supposed to be in Florida for Thanksgiving with her family, but they understood when she had to take a raincheck. Not just because she had her hands full here, but she couldn’t be very far for Euan in case he took a turn for the worst.
It was a text from Euan’s brother that had her returning to the hospital. They wanted her there, if only because they knew she belonged there. As expected, there were very limited numbers of visitors allowed in the room at any given time. His family were poised to leave once she came back, but even once they were gone, she stayed out in the hall for a long time trying to talk herself into going in there. It wasn’t like she didn’t know what to expect. She was a cop, she saw people in conditions this bad a lot. This wasn’t just any person, though. This was a guy that she suspected she had been in love with for a very long time, but never had the courage to admit it to herself, much less to him. This was the one guy who could fluster her just from a smirk, or infuriate her from one asshole comment. He was also the guy who could put an arm around her and make her feel like she could be protected from anything, and could make her lose control more than anyone had in her entire life.
She paced in the hallway, wringing her hands in front of her. She wished she could just turn and walk away like Corey. He had every right to be trying to run and hide from this, where she had to be strong and face up to it. She owed it to him. If they hadn’t fought in Central Park that night, this might never have happened. Of course, it could still very well have and maybe they both would have ended up with bullets in them. Or maybe her presence could have been what ultimately protected him, but would they have just kept trying to get him alone or even possibly try to hurt him when Ciaran was around? The what-ifs had been churning around and around in her head since that night, and it was driving her crazy. She had hardly slept, and when she did, it was restless and disturbed. Eating was like an exhausting marathon. She was running on empty, and now she had to face this. She had to be in there. She had to see him, touch him, remind herself his heart was still beating.
Eventually, she managed to force herself to walk into that room, even if she baulked just inside the door once she did. It didn’t even look like him. If it wasn’t for the almost-black hair and the tattoos, she would have been serious questioning whether it was because it didn’t feel real. Despite the hesitation, she was soon hurrying to move over to him and she placed both her hands over one of his. He always had those big hands that could hold you like he was a human shield. She had learnt that early on in their partnership when, after one of her first cases turned out to be a real messy murder of a child, she had exited the interrogation and broken down. He hugged her and held her through it, even barely knowing each other at that point. It was just the kind of guy he was. He looked after his own and he would do anything for them.
The machines and all the noises they were making were terrifying her. She was glad then that Corey hadn’t been able to face this, because it would have probably made the kid physically sick. She wasn’t even sure she was immune to that right now. His hand was a little cold too, so she didn’t even let go when she sank down into the chair beside the bed. That was when she just sat there and... stared. How had it all come to this? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things were supposed to be going well finally. They hadn’t even gotten off the ground with their relationship and now he might be taken from her forever. Stable didn’t mean jackshit. If he still needed all this, it still meant he might not make it. At any split second, he could just be gone. For now, though, the heart monitor told her his heart was beating, and the airy rhythmic compressions of the ventilator told her he was breathing. Or at least, the machine was breathing for him.
The hardest part of this was that Julie had heard him say repeatedly in the past that he never wanted to be kept alive on life support. If that ever happen to him, he wanted the plug pulled. It had just never become an official request. It wasn’t in writing anywhere, so for now, he would have to shut the fuck up on his opinion, because no one was going to be able to pull the plug on him. No one was ready to say goodbye, and no one was going to be able to face him not being there forever. She wished like fucking hell that they hadn’t argued. She wanted to take it all back and say she was sorry. She didn’t believe the shit that comatose people could hear what you were saying, and even if they could, they wouldn’t be absorbing it or remembering it. Their brain was mush, it couldn’t even function enough to be able or breathe sometimes, it wasn’t going to remember heartfelt and guilt apologies over and over again.
This was her Thanksgiving, sitting beside the guy she had truly believed was meant to be a part of her while he fought for his life. The bullshit fights seemed so petty, self-centred and insignificant now. All he needed was a fucking break and support to make it through the battles he was fighting. No one should have been goddamn fighting him with. They had all told him they were there for him, would help him, wanted to make sure he wasn’t fighting the battle alone, and now his closest allies had turned on him right before he had literally been gunned down. She wanted to throw up. The fight had been sparked by frustration, and after speaking to Riley, she realised Euan’s side of the coin probably was fuelled but frustration, but also hurt, confusion, fear, struggle... and that was just the start of it.
Her fingers tightened just a little around his hand and she leaned over, resting her forehead against the back of her hand. “I love you,” she told him in a tiny, choked voice. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t hear that. All it mattered was that she meant it, and she would give anything right now for him to wake up and promise her everything was going to be okay eventually, just like he always did when she was hurting.
Julie Gresham // Original Character // 1,300 words
- The Wonder Years (TV Show)
The irony that they finally let restricted visitors into Euan’s room on Thanksgiving was like a rude kick in the guts for Julie. They had waited days for them to at least classify him as stable. She wasn’t even sure she could face it now she had the permission. She knew Euan’s nephew, Corey, couldn’t face it. She had been in the room with the poor kid when they were told the news, and all he did was pale and walk out. He hadn’t come back either. The rest of Euan’s New York-based family went in to spend some time with him then and Julie left the hospital. She wasn’t sure she could face this, but she had been waiting for days for it to come. She was supposed to be in Florida for Thanksgiving with her family, but they understood when she had to take a raincheck. Not just because she had her hands full here, but she couldn’t be very far for Euan in case he took a turn for the worst.
It was a text from Euan’s brother that had her returning to the hospital. They wanted her there, if only because they knew she belonged there. As expected, there were very limited numbers of visitors allowed in the room at any given time. His family were poised to leave once she came back, but even once they were gone, she stayed out in the hall for a long time trying to talk herself into going in there. It wasn’t like she didn’t know what to expect. She was a cop, she saw people in conditions this bad a lot. This wasn’t just any person, though. This was a guy that she suspected she had been in love with for a very long time, but never had the courage to admit it to herself, much less to him. This was the one guy who could fluster her just from a smirk, or infuriate her from one asshole comment. He was also the guy who could put an arm around her and make her feel like she could be protected from anything, and could make her lose control more than anyone had in her entire life.
She paced in the hallway, wringing her hands in front of her. She wished she could just turn and walk away like Corey. He had every right to be trying to run and hide from this, where she had to be strong and face up to it. She owed it to him. If they hadn’t fought in Central Park that night, this might never have happened. Of course, it could still very well have and maybe they both would have ended up with bullets in them. Or maybe her presence could have been what ultimately protected him, but would they have just kept trying to get him alone or even possibly try to hurt him when Ciaran was around? The what-ifs had been churning around and around in her head since that night, and it was driving her crazy. She had hardly slept, and when she did, it was restless and disturbed. Eating was like an exhausting marathon. She was running on empty, and now she had to face this. She had to be in there. She had to see him, touch him, remind herself his heart was still beating.
Eventually, she managed to force herself to walk into that room, even if she baulked just inside the door once she did. It didn’t even look like him. If it wasn’t for the almost-black hair and the tattoos, she would have been serious questioning whether it was because it didn’t feel real. Despite the hesitation, she was soon hurrying to move over to him and she placed both her hands over one of his. He always had those big hands that could hold you like he was a human shield. She had learnt that early on in their partnership when, after one of her first cases turned out to be a real messy murder of a child, she had exited the interrogation and broken down. He hugged her and held her through it, even barely knowing each other at that point. It was just the kind of guy he was. He looked after his own and he would do anything for them.
The machines and all the noises they were making were terrifying her. She was glad then that Corey hadn’t been able to face this, because it would have probably made the kid physically sick. She wasn’t even sure she was immune to that right now. His hand was a little cold too, so she didn’t even let go when she sank down into the chair beside the bed. That was when she just sat there and... stared. How had it all come to this? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things were supposed to be going well finally. They hadn’t even gotten off the ground with their relationship and now he might be taken from her forever. Stable didn’t mean jackshit. If he still needed all this, it still meant he might not make it. At any split second, he could just be gone. For now, though, the heart monitor told her his heart was beating, and the airy rhythmic compressions of the ventilator told her he was breathing. Or at least, the machine was breathing for him.
The hardest part of this was that Julie had heard him say repeatedly in the past that he never wanted to be kept alive on life support. If that ever happen to him, he wanted the plug pulled. It had just never become an official request. It wasn’t in writing anywhere, so for now, he would have to shut the fuck up on his opinion, because no one was going to be able to pull the plug on him. No one was ready to say goodbye, and no one was going to be able to face him not being there forever. She wished like fucking hell that they hadn’t argued. She wanted to take it all back and say she was sorry. She didn’t believe the shit that comatose people could hear what you were saying, and even if they could, they wouldn’t be absorbing it or remembering it. Their brain was mush, it couldn’t even function enough to be able or breathe sometimes, it wasn’t going to remember heartfelt and guilt apologies over and over again.
This was her Thanksgiving, sitting beside the guy she had truly believed was meant to be a part of her while he fought for his life. The bullshit fights seemed so petty, self-centred and insignificant now. All he needed was a fucking break and support to make it through the battles he was fighting. No one should have been goddamn fighting him with. They had all told him they were there for him, would help him, wanted to make sure he wasn’t fighting the battle alone, and now his closest allies had turned on him right before he had literally been gunned down. She wanted to throw up. The fight had been sparked by frustration, and after speaking to Riley, she realised Euan’s side of the coin probably was fuelled but frustration, but also hurt, confusion, fear, struggle... and that was just the start of it.
Her fingers tightened just a little around his hand and she leaned over, resting her forehead against the back of her hand. “I love you,” she told him in a tiny, choked voice. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t hear that. All it mattered was that she meant it, and she would give anything right now for him to wake up and promise her everything was going to be okay eventually, just like he always did when she was hurting.
Julie Gresham // Original Character // 1,300 words