Beau Watson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
halfwaytoheaven) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2014-06-21 11:19 pm
halfwaytoheaven) wrote in muserevival2014-06-21 11:19 pm
Entry tags:
070.1. Muse prompt
"And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides."
• Sometimes When We Touch, Dan Hill
tw: medically graphic
It was a bad day. A really bad day. One of those days Beau was not just bedridden, but he was barely functioning. He couldn't do anything on his own, and the weight of that fell into his husband's hands. It was easy to take the good days for granted with Beau, because those were the days he was his old self. He would laugh and joke, he would tease the people he loved, he would wind Austin up, and basically just do all those things that made him uniquely him. He never felt well right now, but the days he felt less bad were the ones he was determined to keep living.
It was easy to fall into the trap of forgetting how sick he was moreso lately. With the birth of their baby niece, things had changed a lot. Things were hopeful, and it seemed like things were looking up. Wedding plans were full steam ahead, now a double wedding with Beau and Austin renewing their vows when Angel and Rose tied the knot to make their relationship official for their little girl. Beau and Austin had married quick and spontaneous, much how Beau lived his life in the wake of going into remission after his first fight with cancer. The ground had been pulled out from under him when he had the news delivered to him that he had relapsed, and the outlook was grim. He would have a hell of a fight on his hands.
He hadn't slept the night before. The pain was excruciating, burning right through him. The day before had been nice. He had rested, and then when Austin came home with Rose, they reported they find all of one wedding dress design Rose liked so Austin was going to go the whole hog and design something from scratch for her. Austin had been in his element, chatting on to Beau about all the different fabric possibilities and styles that would make Rose look like a princess. Beau just listened and smiled, which could have been a sign of what was to come. He was usually playful, mocking Austin's passion for fashion and threatening to go all-out bad fashion on him when he got into one of his design overdrives.
Yesterday, he hadn't. It had been one of those times time was quiet and deep in thought about life plugging on around him while he was the one fighting cancer. He loved his family so much and cherished every passing moment with them. Sometimes he found himself just halted abruptly and realising this could all be over soon. What if he didn't make it? He was going to miss all these things his family were looking forward to. He would be a hole in their lives, making things sad and painful for them. He didn't want that, but he was powerless to choose to stop it. All he could do was just keep going and hope that this pending bone marrow transplant could be the turning point like it had been last time.
His appetite was non-existent for dinner, and he took to his bed when it was dinner for everyone else. A wedding planning dinner where Rose's sisters stayed and they got stuck into ticking a lot off the list. Beau hadn't told Austin he was feeling worse for wear. He had plastered on one of those smiles to convince everyone he was just tired so he didn't ruin the enjoyment of their wedding planning. It was only a couple of hours later when Austin came to check on Beau, ready to update him on the progress they made, that he found Beau sat on the bathroom floor, shivering despite the layers of clothing, agonised tears streaming down his face as he held wads of toilet paper to his nose to try to staunch the bleeding of a bad nosebleed.
Blood had soaked all down the front of his new t-shirt Austin had bought him that day. In the connected bedroom, his pillow was streaked with it too. He had come into the en suite when he woke up with it, and inevitable the blood taste in the back of his throat revved the nausea up and at one point, he had been slumped over the toilet throwing up and still holding toilet paper to his nose to try to stop the bleeding. At any time he could have called for help. Angel even had an intercom system hooked up throughout the apartment with buttons in easy-to-reach places for Beau to press if he needed help. It was right there by the toilet, but he hadn't pushed it. He hadn't wanted to impede on Austin's excitement about the wedding. He wanted Austin to be able to have those moments where having a sick husband wasn't all-encompassing on every happy moment he could still claw onto.
Austin knew this as soon as he found Beau. He knew it and immediately burst into helpless tears. That wasn't uncommon in the bad times. Sometimes, all that was left was a good cry. It was early the following morning now, neither of them had slept the night before. Austin was holding Beau as they lay there together in their bed. There were medical aids in sight throughout their bedroom, and Austin had needed to change the bedclothes three times already. The washing machine had been going all night downstairs. Austin's hand cupped Beau's cheek gently with soft sweeps of his thumb back and forth just to offer even a tiny portion of comfort.
"I don't know if I can keep going," Beau told Austin in a hoarse whisper. It was the first thing he had said he hours, even if he had been thinking it all night. Austin wouldn't want to hear it. That was only evidence when Austin choked back a small sob and nodded, because he wouldn't deny Beau's honesty right now. It had only been the morning before they were laughing and joking about onesies and wedding suits. Things could turn back to this in a heartbeat. It was a vicious cycle.
Austin kissed Beau's forehead and then closed his arms more protectively around him to hold him. "Just try to get some sleep, baby..." he coaxed, but the choked hitch in the words, Beau knew he was worrying that if Beau slept, it could be the time he didn't wake up again. That fear was ever-present for anyone nursing a sick loved one, but it was so much more prominent and emphasised in the bad moments like this. Austin could barely speak, his voice unrecognisable.
Beau did close his eyes, but he took Austin's hand, lacing their fingers in together and holding their linked hands against his chest. "I love you," he promised, and he hoped to god it wasn't the last time he said that, or the last time Austin would hear it.
Beau Watson-Shaw | Original Character
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides."
• Sometimes When We Touch, Dan Hill
It was a bad day. A really bad day. One of those days Beau was not just bedridden, but he was barely functioning. He couldn't do anything on his own, and the weight of that fell into his husband's hands. It was easy to take the good days for granted with Beau, because those were the days he was his old self. He would laugh and joke, he would tease the people he loved, he would wind Austin up, and basically just do all those things that made him uniquely him. He never felt well right now, but the days he felt less bad were the ones he was determined to keep living.
It was easy to fall into the trap of forgetting how sick he was moreso lately. With the birth of their baby niece, things had changed a lot. Things were hopeful, and it seemed like things were looking up. Wedding plans were full steam ahead, now a double wedding with Beau and Austin renewing their vows when Angel and Rose tied the knot to make their relationship official for their little girl. Beau and Austin had married quick and spontaneous, much how Beau lived his life in the wake of going into remission after his first fight with cancer. The ground had been pulled out from under him when he had the news delivered to him that he had relapsed, and the outlook was grim. He would have a hell of a fight on his hands.
He hadn't slept the night before. The pain was excruciating, burning right through him. The day before had been nice. He had rested, and then when Austin came home with Rose, they reported they find all of one wedding dress design Rose liked so Austin was going to go the whole hog and design something from scratch for her. Austin had been in his element, chatting on to Beau about all the different fabric possibilities and styles that would make Rose look like a princess. Beau just listened and smiled, which could have been a sign of what was to come. He was usually playful, mocking Austin's passion for fashion and threatening to go all-out bad fashion on him when he got into one of his design overdrives.
Yesterday, he hadn't. It had been one of those times time was quiet and deep in thought about life plugging on around him while he was the one fighting cancer. He loved his family so much and cherished every passing moment with them. Sometimes he found himself just halted abruptly and realising this could all be over soon. What if he didn't make it? He was going to miss all these things his family were looking forward to. He would be a hole in their lives, making things sad and painful for them. He didn't want that, but he was powerless to choose to stop it. All he could do was just keep going and hope that this pending bone marrow transplant could be the turning point like it had been last time.
His appetite was non-existent for dinner, and he took to his bed when it was dinner for everyone else. A wedding planning dinner where Rose's sisters stayed and they got stuck into ticking a lot off the list. Beau hadn't told Austin he was feeling worse for wear. He had plastered on one of those smiles to convince everyone he was just tired so he didn't ruin the enjoyment of their wedding planning. It was only a couple of hours later when Austin came to check on Beau, ready to update him on the progress they made, that he found Beau sat on the bathroom floor, shivering despite the layers of clothing, agonised tears streaming down his face as he held wads of toilet paper to his nose to try to staunch the bleeding of a bad nosebleed.
Blood had soaked all down the front of his new t-shirt Austin had bought him that day. In the connected bedroom, his pillow was streaked with it too. He had come into the en suite when he woke up with it, and inevitable the blood taste in the back of his throat revved the nausea up and at one point, he had been slumped over the toilet throwing up and still holding toilet paper to his nose to try to stop the bleeding. At any time he could have called for help. Angel even had an intercom system hooked up throughout the apartment with buttons in easy-to-reach places for Beau to press if he needed help. It was right there by the toilet, but he hadn't pushed it. He hadn't wanted to impede on Austin's excitement about the wedding. He wanted Austin to be able to have those moments where having a sick husband wasn't all-encompassing on every happy moment he could still claw onto.
Austin knew this as soon as he found Beau. He knew it and immediately burst into helpless tears. That wasn't uncommon in the bad times. Sometimes, all that was left was a good cry. It was early the following morning now, neither of them had slept the night before. Austin was holding Beau as they lay there together in their bed. There were medical aids in sight throughout their bedroom, and Austin had needed to change the bedclothes three times already. The washing machine had been going all night downstairs. Austin's hand cupped Beau's cheek gently with soft sweeps of his thumb back and forth just to offer even a tiny portion of comfort.
"I don't know if I can keep going," Beau told Austin in a hoarse whisper. It was the first thing he had said he hours, even if he had been thinking it all night. Austin wouldn't want to hear it. That was only evidence when Austin choked back a small sob and nodded, because he wouldn't deny Beau's honesty right now. It had only been the morning before they were laughing and joking about onesies and wedding suits. Things could turn back to this in a heartbeat. It was a vicious cycle.
Austin kissed Beau's forehead and then closed his arms more protectively around him to hold him. "Just try to get some sleep, baby..." he coaxed, but the choked hitch in the words, Beau knew he was worrying that if Beau slept, it could be the time he didn't wake up again. That fear was ever-present for anyone nursing a sick loved one, but it was so much more prominent and emphasised in the bad moments like this. Austin could barely speak, his voice unrecognisable.
Beau did close his eyes, but he took Austin's hand, lacing their fingers in together and holding their linked hands against his chest. "I love you," he promised, and he hoped to god it wasn't the last time he said that, or the last time Austin would hear it.