Lorenzo Jérôme Chevalier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nothingelsematters) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2015-01-05 10:01 pm
nothingelsematters) wrote in muserevival2015-01-05 10:01 pm
Entry tags:
082.2. Muse prompt: Quote
"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it." - Lion King (movie)
Lorenzo knew he still had a hell of a lot of lessons to learn. He had been a single dad for all of three weeks and he had lost his daughter's mother right in front of his eyes. Being 'thrown in the deep end' didn't even cut it. It was like he had been thrown in the sea and was being circled by sharks while he couldn't swim, but had to or he'd down and get eaten. That was how it most definitely felt some days, and he was still trying to figure out the balance of what was too much and what was too little.
What he knew was that this past week, there had been too much crying and too little sleep. For both of them. There had even been a day or two where he had sat on the floor by her crib crying harder than she was because he had run out of ideas of how he could make her feel better so she would stop. In short, he had driven himself to exhaustion and it had led to him making himself sick. He wasn't too proud to ask for help. In fact, he had been asking anyone who would listen, and he had been lucky to meet some nice folk along the way. He was flying blind, and he had to keep doing it because he was all his baby girl had left.
Now he woke up quickly, face scrunched up against the stream of light invading the bedroom through the crack in the daggy floral nana-like curtains his aunt had given him when he got his own place. He felt for his phone to try to find out what the time was, but it wasn't where he usually left it by the lamp. He couldn't even remember the point he had fallen asleep. He just remembered starting to feel sick after dinner the night before with his stomach cramping up, his head thumping, and an all-over ache that really felt it might never stop. He had called in the cavalry of his best friend's younger brother who offered some options... all of which he turned down because he struggled with not wanting to burden anyone.
Thank fuck friends didn't always listen to you and insisted you do shit anyway. Billy had babysat him and Holly for a couple of hours before Jude arrived from his evening shift at the hospital as a nurses' aid. Jude was the closest thing Lorenzo ever had to a real brother, but their relationship had been friends-with-benefits in the recent years. All the while, Lorenzo had been cheating on his partner, but it had been hard with her unstable health with schizophrenia.
He knew he wasn't a good person for it. Every day now she was gone and he was left holding their baby, he felt guilty for the cheating. But every day he was grateful he had Jude to give him something to hold his head above the surface whenever he felt like life was trying to drag him down. Jude gave him companionship and love, without needing to define it under the veil of commitment or conventional ways. Lorenzo was pretty sure that if karma existed, she was well punishing now. He knew he fucked up. He knew he had to do anything he could to fuck up even less for Holly's sake. Now Jude was his daughter's godfather, and Lorenzo thanked whatever higher being that listened that he had the back-up with all this.
Pushing the covers back, Lorenzo looked over at Holly's crib by the dresser and padded over to it. Despite puking his guts up repeatedly the night before, he must have gotten a good few solid hours sleep and he didn't feel half as bad as he had the night before. Jude had stayed, and he swore on his own life that he had everything with Holly in hand. It was the only way he had even gotten Lorenzo's ass into bed. Normally Jude getting Lorenzo's ass into bed was never met with protest...
His tiny six week old little girl was in one of her fuzzy pink onesies, tucked up securely in bed with a teddy bear sleeping soundly. She was warm and she was content, and he leaned close listening to her soft breaths while he stroked the fine layer of hair over her head. She was so precious, so little. Sometimes it even felt like his hands were too big and might break her.
"Hey - get your ass back into bed before I plant my foot in it," the sharp, no-nonsense demand came from the door.
Lorenzo glanced up to find Jude there with a basket of laundry full of baby things and probably a few t-shirts of his own because you didn't have to iron t-shirts and the less he had to do for himself, the better. "But--"
"No fucking 'buts'. Bed. Don't think I won't fucking handcuff you to it to keep you there. I told you, I'm taking care of both of you and I mean it," Jude insisted, putting the laundry basket on the rocking chair that was a gift from his aunt because she said she had always wanted a rocking chair when she was trying for kids of her own, but never got the chance. Every night, Lorenzo made sure to rock Holly in it when he fed her; like it was some sort of way he could live that missing part of his aunt's life for her because she missed out.
Lorenzo's bitchy glare was sharply shot at Jude, who was used to being on the receiving end of them over the years. He obediently went back to bed, though, and Jude sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, tucking the blankets in around him. "You don't have to do this..." he murmured. He was a young guy, he had an ego like most did. He had things he believed he should be doing, and providing for his family and caring for them was right up on the list. So was being a good dad, but the jury was still out on how to pull that one off.
"I know what you're thinking," Jude offered with a tender pat to Lorenzo's arm. "This isn't you failing her. It's you protecting her. You picked me as goddad because... well, who the fuck really knows why, but you did, and I'm here to nail that job description. This is you letting me look after you so you can rest and feel better to look after her. So, get some more sleep. You're supposed to sleep when they sleep anyway. I know. I read What To Expect When You're Expecting. You tell anyone that, I'll thump you. You tell Billy that and I'll thump you with your own dick."
Lorenzo snickered but then he wrapped his hand around Jude's with a grateful squeeze. "Thanks, babe. I'd say I owe you one, but I think I owe you, like, 1001 by now. Give her a cuddle for me when she wakes up?"
"I might. If I run out of taking my own share. I'll tell you, after my week with chicks, I'm ready to quit them all and just take cues from the drool machine over there," Jude said wryly and got up, fixing the crack in the curtains so the sun was shut out. "Sleep," he added again and then left, closing the door over so Lorenzo could rest.
He had a lot of learning to do, but the first lesson learnt was definitely that he wasn't too good or too proud to accept and need help. Or too proud to admit that all this was just that little bit too hard to do alone.
* Jude's not mine, but used with permission and love
lorenzo chevalier
- original character -
Lorenzo knew he still had a hell of a lot of lessons to learn. He had been a single dad for all of three weeks and he had lost his daughter's mother right in front of his eyes. Being 'thrown in the deep end' didn't even cut it. It was like he had been thrown in the sea and was being circled by sharks while he couldn't swim, but had to or he'd down and get eaten. That was how it most definitely felt some days, and he was still trying to figure out the balance of what was too much and what was too little.
What he knew was that this past week, there had been too much crying and too little sleep. For both of them. There had even been a day or two where he had sat on the floor by her crib crying harder than she was because he had run out of ideas of how he could make her feel better so she would stop. In short, he had driven himself to exhaustion and it had led to him making himself sick. He wasn't too proud to ask for help. In fact, he had been asking anyone who would listen, and he had been lucky to meet some nice folk along the way. He was flying blind, and he had to keep doing it because he was all his baby girl had left.
Now he woke up quickly, face scrunched up against the stream of light invading the bedroom through the crack in the daggy floral nana-like curtains his aunt had given him when he got his own place. He felt for his phone to try to find out what the time was, but it wasn't where he usually left it by the lamp. He couldn't even remember the point he had fallen asleep. He just remembered starting to feel sick after dinner the night before with his stomach cramping up, his head thumping, and an all-over ache that really felt it might never stop. He had called in the cavalry of his best friend's younger brother who offered some options... all of which he turned down because he struggled with not wanting to burden anyone.
Thank fuck friends didn't always listen to you and insisted you do shit anyway. Billy had babysat him and Holly for a couple of hours before Jude arrived from his evening shift at the hospital as a nurses' aid. Jude was the closest thing Lorenzo ever had to a real brother, but their relationship had been friends-with-benefits in the recent years. All the while, Lorenzo had been cheating on his partner, but it had been hard with her unstable health with schizophrenia.
He knew he wasn't a good person for it. Every day now she was gone and he was left holding their baby, he felt guilty for the cheating. But every day he was grateful he had Jude to give him something to hold his head above the surface whenever he felt like life was trying to drag him down. Jude gave him companionship and love, without needing to define it under the veil of commitment or conventional ways. Lorenzo was pretty sure that if karma existed, she was well punishing now. He knew he fucked up. He knew he had to do anything he could to fuck up even less for Holly's sake. Now Jude was his daughter's godfather, and Lorenzo thanked whatever higher being that listened that he had the back-up with all this.
Pushing the covers back, Lorenzo looked over at Holly's crib by the dresser and padded over to it. Despite puking his guts up repeatedly the night before, he must have gotten a good few solid hours sleep and he didn't feel half as bad as he had the night before. Jude had stayed, and he swore on his own life that he had everything with Holly in hand. It was the only way he had even gotten Lorenzo's ass into bed. Normally Jude getting Lorenzo's ass into bed was never met with protest...
His tiny six week old little girl was in one of her fuzzy pink onesies, tucked up securely in bed with a teddy bear sleeping soundly. She was warm and she was content, and he leaned close listening to her soft breaths while he stroked the fine layer of hair over her head. She was so precious, so little. Sometimes it even felt like his hands were too big and might break her.
"Hey - get your ass back into bed before I plant my foot in it," the sharp, no-nonsense demand came from the door.
Lorenzo glanced up to find Jude there with a basket of laundry full of baby things and probably a few t-shirts of his own because you didn't have to iron t-shirts and the less he had to do for himself, the better. "But--"
"No fucking 'buts'. Bed. Don't think I won't fucking handcuff you to it to keep you there. I told you, I'm taking care of both of you and I mean it," Jude insisted, putting the laundry basket on the rocking chair that was a gift from his aunt because she said she had always wanted a rocking chair when she was trying for kids of her own, but never got the chance. Every night, Lorenzo made sure to rock Holly in it when he fed her; like it was some sort of way he could live that missing part of his aunt's life for her because she missed out.
Lorenzo's bitchy glare was sharply shot at Jude, who was used to being on the receiving end of them over the years. He obediently went back to bed, though, and Jude sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, tucking the blankets in around him. "You don't have to do this..." he murmured. He was a young guy, he had an ego like most did. He had things he believed he should be doing, and providing for his family and caring for them was right up on the list. So was being a good dad, but the jury was still out on how to pull that one off.
"I know what you're thinking," Jude offered with a tender pat to Lorenzo's arm. "This isn't you failing her. It's you protecting her. You picked me as goddad because... well, who the fuck really knows why, but you did, and I'm here to nail that job description. This is you letting me look after you so you can rest and feel better to look after her. So, get some more sleep. You're supposed to sleep when they sleep anyway. I know. I read What To Expect When You're Expecting. You tell anyone that, I'll thump you. You tell Billy that and I'll thump you with your own dick."
Lorenzo snickered but then he wrapped his hand around Jude's with a grateful squeeze. "Thanks, babe. I'd say I owe you one, but I think I owe you, like, 1001 by now. Give her a cuddle for me when she wakes up?"
"I might. If I run out of taking my own share. I'll tell you, after my week with chicks, I'm ready to quit them all and just take cues from the drool machine over there," Jude said wryly and got up, fixing the crack in the curtains so the sun was shut out. "Sleep," he added again and then left, closing the door over so Lorenzo could rest.
He had a lot of learning to do, but the first lesson learnt was definitely that he wasn't too good or too proud to accept and need help. Or too proud to admit that all this was just that little bit too hard to do alone.
* Jude's not mine, but used with permission and love
- original character -