Billy Ringo Willis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tomorrowneverknows) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival2015-09-13 10:57 pm
tomorrowneverknows) wrote in muserevival2015-09-13 10:57 pm
Entry tags:
101.1. Muse Prompt (Lyrics)
"I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes"
• Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse
Billy knew he screwed up. He made a damn big glaring mistake after all the promising that he wouldn't do just that. He promised he wouldn't push, or wouldn't do anything but love Ajay, despite his illness and the fact he was far from recovered from it. He panicked and everything was blowing up before he could stop it. It was so damn understandable that Ajay was going to veer off course and crash and burn again with the appearance of his mother. Billy had panicked and wanted to stop that before it happened.
It was hard. He didn't directly understand the complexities of Ajay's mental illness. When you were the person with an eating disorder, it was impossible to completely understand how anyone could keep doing that to themselves. But it was like any mental illness. Who the fuck were you to think that you were a stronger force than someone's intricate psyche and could waltz in and save them? Billy knew he couldn't do that. He had known all along. Which is why he felt so rotten now he had tried to intercept Ajay on a really bad binge and purge episode, and found himself on the vicious end of a temper he hadn't seen in Ajay before.
Billy knew immediately he had fucked up. Ajay was such a kind and placid soul. He was so quiet and unassuming, hiding so much behind those green eyes of his. All the things Billy knew he was hiding, and still fell so deeply in love with him. Painfully in love, because Ajay was beautiful and Billy wished he had some miracle cure to stop his pain. Life didn't work like that. Of course it didn't. If it did, Ajay would have turned Billy's pain off with his recent battle with cancer. The remission news was still so new. It had been an upward turn after feeling like they were being dragged below the surface. The even set a wedding a date.
Now this. Billy, too, was a placid person, but he had seriously arced up and wanted to push Ajay's mother down the stairs. He had come in after the conversation had started. He saw that whatever she had said had upset Ajay, and Billy's hackles just spiked and he went into protective mode. It was when he was in the middle of yelling obscene abuse at Ajay's mother that Ajay removed himself from the whole situation and disappeared. It took Billy a few minutes to realised Ajay wasn't standing behind him anymore. Playing it all back over in his head, of course hindsight was 20/20. He knew what he should have done, but he hadn't done any of it.
Now Ajay had locked himself in the bathroom, and he had been in there for ages. Billy had gone through a whole catalogue of emotions. He felt like a fucking idiot, guilty, sad, hurt, angry, frustrated. But mostly just incredible heartache for Ajay. The sort of heartache that took residence inside you and always surged back to the surface when the person you loved was in pain. He wait. He waited and worried. Then waited and worried more. He had unseeingly channel-surfed with the remote control, sent a couple of texts, shared a few pointless things on Facebook. Anything to distract himself. Ajay had gotten frustrated and upset at him before, but nothing like this. Had Billy fucked it all up just four weeks out from their wedding date?
With a mug of black honey and lemon tea clutched between his hand, Billy came up to the bathroom door and knocked on it softly. "Ajay? Please come out. I'm really sorry." He paused, ear up against the door to listen for a reply that never came. Only silence. "I brought you some tea. I know your throat is probably hurting. Can you just open up and take it? We don't even have to talk..."
Still no response. Billy just stood there staring at the door, wondering if he should go away and give Ajay the space. He just didn't want to do that. He heard about the whole relationship respect where you had to give each other space sometimes, but he didn't want Ajay to feel completely alone. He had spent far too many years feeling like that, and all because of that giant trumped up, bleached-blonde, botoxed, siliconned twat who had caused this whole thing. But Billy couldn't think about that particular thing, or he might end up punching a wall. Maybe even two walls, and kicking something. He didn't have the post-chemo strength for any of that. In fact, standing was even quite exhausting at this point. He had zapped his energy ranting and abusing Ajay's mother before telling her to fuck off and die.
"I'm just going to stay out here, okay?" Billy sat down on the floor beside the door, back resting against the wall. He put the mug of tea beside him and let his legs sprawl out in front of him. He turned his head to rest it against the door. He would sit there all night and all the next day if he had to. "Ajay? I just want you to know I love you, okay? I'll always love you, no matter how sick you are. I'm here if you need me. I'm not going away. I can never go away from you..."
BILLY WILLIS
[ original character ]
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes"
• Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse
Billy knew he screwed up. He made a damn big glaring mistake after all the promising that he wouldn't do just that. He promised he wouldn't push, or wouldn't do anything but love Ajay, despite his illness and the fact he was far from recovered from it. He panicked and everything was blowing up before he could stop it. It was so damn understandable that Ajay was going to veer off course and crash and burn again with the appearance of his mother. Billy had panicked and wanted to stop that before it happened.
It was hard. He didn't directly understand the complexities of Ajay's mental illness. When you were the person with an eating disorder, it was impossible to completely understand how anyone could keep doing that to themselves. But it was like any mental illness. Who the fuck were you to think that you were a stronger force than someone's intricate psyche and could waltz in and save them? Billy knew he couldn't do that. He had known all along. Which is why he felt so rotten now he had tried to intercept Ajay on a really bad binge and purge episode, and found himself on the vicious end of a temper he hadn't seen in Ajay before.
Billy knew immediately he had fucked up. Ajay was such a kind and placid soul. He was so quiet and unassuming, hiding so much behind those green eyes of his. All the things Billy knew he was hiding, and still fell so deeply in love with him. Painfully in love, because Ajay was beautiful and Billy wished he had some miracle cure to stop his pain. Life didn't work like that. Of course it didn't. If it did, Ajay would have turned Billy's pain off with his recent battle with cancer. The remission news was still so new. It had been an upward turn after feeling like they were being dragged below the surface. The even set a wedding a date.
Now this. Billy, too, was a placid person, but he had seriously arced up and wanted to push Ajay's mother down the stairs. He had come in after the conversation had started. He saw that whatever she had said had upset Ajay, and Billy's hackles just spiked and he went into protective mode. It was when he was in the middle of yelling obscene abuse at Ajay's mother that Ajay removed himself from the whole situation and disappeared. It took Billy a few minutes to realised Ajay wasn't standing behind him anymore. Playing it all back over in his head, of course hindsight was 20/20. He knew what he should have done, but he hadn't done any of it.
Now Ajay had locked himself in the bathroom, and he had been in there for ages. Billy had gone through a whole catalogue of emotions. He felt like a fucking idiot, guilty, sad, hurt, angry, frustrated. But mostly just incredible heartache for Ajay. The sort of heartache that took residence inside you and always surged back to the surface when the person you loved was in pain. He wait. He waited and worried. Then waited and worried more. He had unseeingly channel-surfed with the remote control, sent a couple of texts, shared a few pointless things on Facebook. Anything to distract himself. Ajay had gotten frustrated and upset at him before, but nothing like this. Had Billy fucked it all up just four weeks out from their wedding date?
With a mug of black honey and lemon tea clutched between his hand, Billy came up to the bathroom door and knocked on it softly. "Ajay? Please come out. I'm really sorry." He paused, ear up against the door to listen for a reply that never came. Only silence. "I brought you some tea. I know your throat is probably hurting. Can you just open up and take it? We don't even have to talk..."
Still no response. Billy just stood there staring at the door, wondering if he should go away and give Ajay the space. He just didn't want to do that. He heard about the whole relationship respect where you had to give each other space sometimes, but he didn't want Ajay to feel completely alone. He had spent far too many years feeling like that, and all because of that giant trumped up, bleached-blonde, botoxed, siliconned twat who had caused this whole thing. But Billy couldn't think about that particular thing, or he might end up punching a wall. Maybe even two walls, and kicking something. He didn't have the post-chemo strength for any of that. In fact, standing was even quite exhausting at this point. He had zapped his energy ranting and abusing Ajay's mother before telling her to fuck off and die.
"I'm just going to stay out here, okay?" Billy sat down on the floor beside the door, back resting against the wall. He put the mug of tea beside him and let his legs sprawl out in front of him. He turned his head to rest it against the door. He would sit there all night and all the next day if he had to. "Ajay? I just want you to know I love you, okay? I'll always love you, no matter how sick you are. I'm here if you need me. I'm not going away. I can never go away from you..."
[ original character ]