145.5. 10 things

[burningeffigy]

Ten things people falsely assume about you

(1) That I'm somehow a loser delinquent because I have tattoos
(2) That I should have some fucked up past or daddy/mummy issues because I have tattoos
(3) That I'm a drug addict because I have tattoos
(4) That if I'm in a rock band, I can't have had a normal upbringing
(5) That because I'm not the lead singer, I desperately want to be the lead singer
(6) That I don't really play the guitar and it's just a prop
(7) That rock is the only music I should like
(8) That I'm related to the Queen because I'm British
(9) That I've got a dick piercing
(10) That every performance is booze-fuelled

brant fox
( original chracter )

Comments

[livefortoday]

This is exhausting just to look at.

[burningeffigy]

And they wonder why PR is all smoke and mirrors. You okay?

[livefortoday]

Yeah, no wonder. Talk about uncreative stereotypes. You think they'd get new material. I'll sign myself up for a couple of addictions and tell my mom to take up gambling next time I get my next ink done. Do you at least drink tea? No.

[burningeffigy]

I couldn't have a more normal upbringing if I tried. Yeah, I love tea. Cruz fails the Brit stereotype on that one. I'm sorry about what I said at the hospital. I struck a nerve and I feel terrible about it.

[livefortoday]

No shooting up in the school bathrooms? It was all he could keep down while he was detoxing. I might have converted him. Don't apologise, you couldn't have known.

[burningeffigy]

My dad's a school principal, mate. I would've been grounded until I was 80. Fuck, you really are a miracle worker. What's your secret? No, but I shouldn't have made gross generalised assumptions either. I forgot you already pulled Cruz back from the brink once.

[livefortoday]

At the school you went to? The age-old magical skill of telling him he would end up hospitalised if he dehydrated. It's some sorcery. Twice, actually. But it wasn't Cruz I was talking about.

[burningeffigy]

No, thank fuck. I think more for his sanity than ours. And he ended up there anyway. Twice? You mean, the ledge and then now? Shit, now I feel worse.

[livefortoday]

So, you have siblings? Yeah, he had respiratory distress. As soon as it became a medical emergency, it was out of my hands. Now, twice that night I met him. Just because I got him off the ledge, didn't mean he stopped wanting to do it. Don't, it's okay. I lost my best friend to suicide when I was 15.

[burningeffigy]

Three. Two older sisters and an older brother. That bitch didn't tell me any of this. But then I've not seen a lot of him since all that happened. And you found them. From the way you reacted, I got the feeling you did.

[livefortoday]

Tough gig being the youngest? I don't think he knew how to talk about it, or wanted an audience going through it. I did, yeah. This stuff is reopening old wounds. But I do know how awful it would have been for you. Were you able to debrief about it with anyone?

[burningeffigy]

Nah, we all get along well. We didn't have any of that sibling rivalry bullshit. Is it just the younger brother you have? I wish none of this happened. I wish I had somehow figured something was seriously wrong. No, shit's just all over the place. I checked into a hotel and had a few drinks instead.

[livefortoday]

No, I have twin brother too. Brody's a lot younger than us, so we're pretty protective of him. It's common to feel all those things to try to make sense of it. But suicide is senseless. It's the power a broken mind can sometimes have. That's going to make you feel worse, you know. Demons dance to alcohol.

[burningeffigy]

What's your twin's name? I know you were going through stuff with your brother, and still took care of Cruz. That's pretty incredible. Could I have done anything to stop this? Yeah. Yeah, I felt worse. Didn't think that was possible.

[livefortoday]

Darius. He's here with me. Do you mind if he comes buy and picks Cruz's things up? I just feel like I should have them with me. Well, I love him. I'd it all over again. No, dude. That's the thing about genuine suicidal intent. You would have had to have been chained to him. You'll feel worse before you feel better.

[burningeffigy]

Yeah, 'course. I'll send you a text with the hotel address and room number. There's not a lot. He travels light on the personal belongings. Do you have to go back to New York? I thought he was getting better.

[livefortoday]

Darius will have to go back for work, but I'll stay. I'm taking personal leave. He was. He just fell off the wagon.

[burningeffigy]

Things are pretty serious between you two then? Like I said, he was playing his cards close to his chest. I guess you want to know if anything pushed him to it.

[livefortoday]

We're working on what it is. It's a work-in-progress. We're still learning each other. No, I know it was the drugs. They just had to be in his reach. No pushing would have been necessary. He was already battling with crippling cravings. His moods were volatile.

[burningeffigy]

He's an amazing guy. I've known him for years now. Never seen him interested in someone before, though. Not for anything more than sex. Is that normal? The moods?

[livefortoday]

He is, I know. And I've only just scratched the surface. He changed my life in ways I didn't even know they needed changing. It's not uncommon in overcoming polysubstance addictions. The body has to recalibrate without substance as a crutch. It's why there is such a huge relapse rate. It's hard to battle.

[burningeffigy]

You stuck by him through all this when you haven't even known him that long. Are you fucking unicorn or something? Most people wouldn't give him the time of day and just write him off as, well, a fucked up stereotypical rockstar.

[livefortoday]

I don't write anyone off as stereotypical anything. Because I think stereotypes are fucking abysmal veils people hide behind to justify their judgement and prejudice. But that basic concept aside, I love him. Real love doesn't fold at the first hurdles. He's ill. That's all.

[burningeffigy]

I'm glad he's got you. He should finally have the chance to be who he really is, not what the whole world expects him to be.

[livefortoday]

You've known about his true sexuality for awhile, right? I remember him mentioning the band knew the truth, despite what PR contracts he was locked into.

[burningeffigy]

From day one. He hit on me in my brother's pub. That's how we met. We all know. What goes on behind closed doors is a very different reality to the picture PR paints. We've all got our secrets. It would have contributed to the whole drugs and booze thing. He had to be high or drunk to hook up with chicks.

[livefortoday]

You hooked up with him? You're gay too? He's talked to me about that side of things, even if there's a lot he hasn't opened up about yet. Which is okay. He's got to be ready to.

[burningeffigy]

Yeah, bloody hell. Of course I did. I'm bi, but yeah, it's not public knowledge but I never agreed to actively deny it either. I'm not under the same contractual binds as he is. Well, he outed himself now. I can't help but worry if that is what pushed him to this. Like, he had that fake courage when he was high, and then it hit him what he's done. But honestly, it's been drowned out in with the news of the suicide attempt. Everyone probably just thinks it's a rumour. One of many circulating.

[livefortoday]

It could be. It wouldn't have helped. But he already had legal advice on suing for an unconscionable contract. From what I knew of it, they wanted to settle out of court so it didn't create waves and give him leeway to come out publicly with the PR company's support. But only if he agreed not to stay hush about the prior contract.

[burningeffigy]

Are you serious? Then why the hell didn't he wait? He didn't have to wreck himself with this. Fuck.

[livefortoday]

Since when do drugs instil rationality? He made these decisions sober.

[burningeffigy]

Yeah. Yeah, I see your point. We're partly to blame. We never deterred him from doing that shit because we were doing it with him. Just more socially than anything else.

[livefortoday]

Once drugs become an addiction, dude, you can no longer blame environs for their consequences. It's an illness. It needs treatment, just like an illness. He's polysubtance, it's a long road he needs to travel. I know he doesn't feel strong enough.

[burningeffigy]

He told you about the pills then.

[livefortoday]

He did, yeah. At the last hurdle when the withdrawal started to hit. I know it was a big step for him.