133.5. Ten Things

[likefatherlikeson]

Ten hopes for the future

1. To still be able to perform until I'm dead
2. My dad to get his mojo back
3. My little sister not to fall in love with someone I have to punch
4. Keep doing as much for my chosen charities as possible
5. My illness to stabilise some day
6. To be stronger than my past traumas
7. To find my soul mate to wake up with every day
8. For the suicidal feelings to leave me
9. My family and friends to be happy
10. Peace

Justin Campbell
Original Character

Comments

[likefatherlikeson]

I wish there were more people in the world like you. Have you told her that? It's okay if you haven't. You can talk to me about it. I wanted to come. I needed to come. You just gave me the push I needed. I haven't laughed as much in months as I did with you yesterday.

[beautifulday]

Ignorance is the root of all evil. The last thing I would want to do is assume I know anything about you, but I can at least understand the basics of the illness. I don't want to lay that on her. It's not her fault she's running out of time. I can't decide if the rainbow angel or the glitter Rudolph nose was the funniest.

[likefatherlikeson]

What you read didn't scare you away? Tell me to piss off our of your business if you want, but if you need someone to talk to about it, I can listen. Rainbow angel, though. You missed the mistletoe part...

[beautifulday]

No, but it scared me for you. Life must be hard with your emotions scrambled like that. I don't want to tell you to piss off. Truth of the matter is, I haven't talked to anyone about this stuff. Not even Andi. Um, I was more purposefully discreetly avoiding that part.

[likefatherlikeson]

It is. And harder when people fail to understand. I'll be honest with you. Being in my life isn't easy. It feels like people need a degree in psych to be equipped to deal with my shit some days. No one? You want to talk about it? Because you wish it didn't happen, or...?

[beautifulday]

Then maybe they should learn more and not let you think they are equipped for it if they aren't. When someone in your life is sick, you take a back seat to help them. I'd move worlds for Andi if I could and thought it would help her. Sometimes what they need isn't that big. Sometimes, it's all the little things that matter. No, I mostly just write about it in a journal to get it out of my head. Because it was, um, my first kiss and I know, that's awkward and embarrassing. My first kiss was a prank mistletoe kiss, set up by a 5 year old.

[likefatherlikeson]

I wish they would. It's easier to deal alone than be hurt being told I'm not alone when I am. It's the small things I want. The stuff you go to sleep thinking about, and wake up in the morning still feeling nice about it. Would you want to talk about it? Oh, shit. Seriously? Ah, crap. Now I feel terrible.

[beautifulday]

How about if I talk to you about my stuff, you agree to keep talking me about yours? We could make a deal. Don't. You're actually a really good kisser, and hell, my first kiss was from a celebrity, so it's not all bad.

[likefatherlikeson]

Only if you let me give you a disclaimer clause that you can jump out and run for your life when you realise my stuff is pretty full-on. In saying that, I also don't want to lay it on you when you have your plate more-than full. If I'm being honest, I thought you were dating Andi.

[beautifulday]

Okay, I'll take the disclaimer if that helps you. But I'm pretty tough, you know. I just look like a weakling. Andi? No! Andi's a lesbian. I don't have enough boobs to keep her interested.

[likefatherlikeson]

Who said you look like a weakling? You don't. And what about you?

[beautifulday]

To use a word I learnt last night? Wankers. Oh, I'm not a lesbian.

[likefatherlikeson]

You need to meet my friends. None of them are wankers. Oh, man. There I was hoping I could watch you make out with a chick.

[beautifulday]

You want me to meet your friends? I'd offer, but I don't have a vagina, or want one.

[likefatherlikeson]

It would be cool if you did. But don't feel like you have to or anything. I did not want to laugh at that, but you got me.

[beautifulday]

They wouldn't want some random Bostonian dude sticking his nose in on their squad, though. Oh, see? Told you I would do my best to make you laugh again.

[likefatherlikeson]

We're all fellow random something or other's. Most of us came from other places. That's the nice part about it. You did, and that's not been easy lately.

[beautifulday]

Tell me about some of them? I can see you're in pain, though, so I won't do it too much.

[likefatherlikeson]

Maybe you could just meet them for yourself? I couldn't do them justice in a few lines. Don't stop it. You don't know how much I need it.

[beautifulday]

I'd like that. It sounds like they're real special to you. Do you still feel like you want to hurt yourself? Or does your medication help with that?

[likefatherlikeson]

They are. They don't judge, and that's priceless in this day and age. It helps cope better, but it doesn't take that away. It's still there.

[beautifulday]

A whole lot of assholes in the world who think they were born with the innate talents of being judge, jury and executioner in other people's business. What can help with it?

[likefatherlikeson]

That may be the best description of it I've heard. Removing the stress, I guess. It's kind of like pulling the plug out of the wifi modem to reboot it after this happens.

[beautifulday]

Until they shit out of my asshole, they can piss off out of my business. Does it work? Because I know that doesn't always work with the internet.

[likefatherlikeson]

That's just it. They say until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes and all that, but I don't want a dumbfuck walking in my shoes. Nope, not really. It takes a lot more than just a reboot.