133.5. Ten Things

[likefatherlikeson]

Ten hopes for the future

1. To still be able to perform until I'm dead
2. My dad to get his mojo back
3. My little sister not to fall in love with someone I have to punch
4. Keep doing as much for my chosen charities as possible
5. My illness to stabilise some day
6. To be stronger than my past traumas
7. To find my soul mate to wake up with every day
8. For the suicidal feelings to leave me
9. My family and friends to be happy
10. Peace

Justin Campbell
Original Character

Comments

[beautifulday]

Can I just say thank you for being so amazing? You've made my year.

[likefatherlikeson]

You don't have to thank me. Trust me, you've helped me too.

[beautifulday]

I was so sure you would just, like, have an hour with me to be nice, and then have a pile of other stuff you needed to get to.

[likefatherlikeson]

I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm not an asshole ;) Well, I can be, but there's usually a reason. If I couldn't have gone the whole distance with it, I wouldn't have come back from Australia for it.

[beautifulday]

Oh, really? There I was thinking you were an epic bastard. Hang on... you came back from Australia for this? I thought you were already back!

[likefatherlikeson]

I'll try to keep that part of my multiple personalities at bay. Because apparently having bipolar means you actually have all the mental illnesses in one with no distinction beyond being a psycho. No, I came back. I was going to stay, then I got the call about you and Andi.

[beautifulday]

People are so dumb they actually think that? Have they not heard of Google? I found plenty about your illness when I went looking this morning. Justin, fuck. You didn't have to do that. It was just a wild stab in the dark for Andi. She's sort of devil-may-care now. What's she got to lose and all that.

[likefatherlikeson]

You read about bipolar? She may be, but her wild stab in the dark worked, because right now, I don't think there's anything more important I'd rather be doing. Her situation puts life into perspective. And I can tell you needed the timeout from stuff too.

[beautifulday]

I did, yeah. I wanted to learn about it, to understand. It's just hard. Knowing her time is running out, and trying to do as much for as I can, but I also help Mom care for Dad, so it's been... hard. I'm sorry, though. I know stuff has been hard for you too, and I wouldn't have agreed if I knew you had to come all the way back for it.

[likefatherlikeson]

I wish there were more people in the world like you. Have you told her that? It's okay if you haven't. You can talk to me about it. I wanted to come. I needed to come. You just gave me the push I needed. I haven't laughed as much in months as I did with you yesterday.

[beautifulday]

Ignorance is the root of all evil. The last thing I would want to do is assume I know anything about you, but I can at least understand the basics of the illness. I don't want to lay that on her. It's not her fault she's running out of time. I can't decide if the rainbow angel or the glitter Rudolph nose was the funniest.

[likefatherlikeson]

What you read didn't scare you away? Tell me to piss off our of your business if you want, but if you need someone to talk to about it, I can listen. Rainbow angel, though. You missed the mistletoe part...

[valuetosurvival]

You're already stronger than your past traumas, Justin. You haven't overcome them, but you're strong enough to get there someday.

[beautifulday]

No, but it scared me for you. Life must be hard with your emotions scrambled like that. I don't want to tell you to piss off. Truth of the matter is, I haven't talked to anyone about this stuff. Not even Andi. Um, I was more purposefully discreetly avoiding that part.

[likefatherlikeson]

You really think that? Because that's not true at all.

[likefatherlikeson]

It is. And harder when people fail to understand. I'll be honest with you. Being in my life isn't easy. It feels like people need a degree in psych to be equipped to deal with my shit some days. No one? You want to talk about it? Because you wish it didn't happen, or...?

[beautifulday]

Then maybe they should learn more and not let you think they are equipped for it if they aren't. When someone in your life is sick, you take a back seat to help them. I'd move worlds for Andi if I could and thought it would help her. Sometimes what they need isn't that big. Sometimes, it's all the little things that matter. No, I mostly just write about it in a journal to get it out of my head. Because it was, um, my first kiss and I know, that's awkward and embarrassing. My first kiss was a prank mistletoe kiss, set up by a 5 year old.

[valuetosurvival]

I really think you're stronger than you believe you are. Or you wouldn't still be here. You literally stand up and perform on days when your whole world is bottoming out from under you. That's strength, love.

[likefatherlikeson]

I wish they would. It's easier to deal alone than be hurt being told I'm not alone when I am. It's the small things I want. The stuff you go to sleep thinking about, and wake up in the morning still feeling nice about it. Would you want to talk about it? Oh, shit. Seriously? Ah, crap. Now I feel terrible.

[likefatherlikeson]

Well, that's really not your call to make. I'm the one that has to live with it. Everyone else just has to witness the aftermath. No, that's not strength. That's survival. That's doing the only thing left when everything else is burning around me. If people think it's strength, they don't get it at all.

[beautifulday]

How about if I talk to you about my stuff, you agree to keep talking me about yours? We could make a deal. Don't. You're actually a really good kisser, and hell, my first kiss was from a celebrity, so it's not all bad.

[likefatherlikeson]

Only if you let me give you a disclaimer clause that you can jump out and run for your life when you realise my stuff is pretty full-on. In saying that, I also don't want to lay it on you when you have your plate more-than full. If I'm being honest, I thought you were dating Andi.

[beautifulday]

Okay, I'll take the disclaimer if that helps you. But I'm pretty tough, you know. I just look like a weakling. Andi? No! Andi's a lesbian. I don't have enough boobs to keep her interested.

[likefatherlikeson]

Who said you look like a weakling? You don't. And what about you?

[beautifulday]

To use a word I learnt last night? Wankers. Oh, I'm not a lesbian.