“My problem is I'm an addictive personality. I can't have one coffee. I can't eat one piece of chocolate.”
- Guy Pearce

Rose had gotten to the point in her pregnancy that she had little fucks to give about anything. She only had a couple of weeks to go until she finished her degree and graduated, and everything beyond studying was just too much damn effort. She was only a small person, so her pregnancy bump felt like the Millennium Falcon had hitched a ride on the front of her. To her, it felt a lot more huge than it probably looked to anyone else. She was at the point where she had to have this whole elaborate routine of weight balance, coordination, and borderline acrobats to even get off the toilet, and she was craving chocolate so bad it felt like she was going to end up putting the equivalent of one whole new person on in weight.

She was home alone today. Beau was still in hospital and Austin spent whatever time he could there without bugging staff or without Beau telling him to go home and sleep. Angel was in Boston for a one-off performance with Damo, which Rose happened to think was the most awesome thing ever because she hardly got to see her BFF of late. It was like he was living on another planet or something. Life had gotten crazy busy for everyone all around.

( That afternoon, she had eaten probably more than her weight in chocolate... )

Rose Gresham || Original Character

“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.”
- Elizabeth Wurtzel

It took Corey four days to process the news that his uncle had cancer. Four days that he had sunk into a deep depression, took himself to his bed, and didn’t come out except to use the bathroom. His desire to paint plummeted into an unreachable darkness again. When he picked up the paintbrush to try to finish the latest piece for his final art project before he transferred to his Occupational Therapy degree, he ended up ruining it, dragging heavy brush strokes over it in dark colours. It resulted in his shoving his easel over when a fit of anger hit and he snapped his paintbrush in half, slamming the broken shards into the wall too.

The attempt to paint was to try to switch his mind off from the bad news so he didn’t have to think about it. It was an attempt to bury his head in the sand and ignore it. It didn’t work. That was when he crawled into bed in his clothes, the blinds all drawn in his tiny apartment, and his phone shut off so no one could reach him with it.

( Depression was his demon... )

Corey Fitzpatrick ♦ Original Character

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
- Audrey Hepburn

If someone had asked Noah just a few weeks before how he would have coped hearing the guy who had saved his life and taken him in when he had nothing left was seriously sick, he would have assumed it would be really badly. Panicked, freaked out, even tried to run away again to remove himself from the equation so he didn't have to be a factor anymore. He surprised himself completely, though, and proved to himself he was maybe more strong deep down than he gave himself credit for.

( He hadn't heard it from the horse's mouth, so to speak... )

Noah Cameron :: Original Character

“I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn’t something about you at all. It was just you.”
- Jamie McGuire

Julie took Euan to his appointment at the hospital that day, now that he had gotten to the point of no return and had to tell her. There was a cold chill of guilt inside her that she had just so quickly assumed he was using again, and it also terrified her how the symptoms mimicked a hangover or coming down from a high. Ciaran was having fun with his Aunty Mandy and Uncle Keiran, so they had a bit of time bought to try to figure out what the next move was. They had stopped off at the gift shop to get Beau some flowers because Euan wanted to drop in and chat to him, probably to ask for advice. Who could blame him? Julie had taken the time to sit down with Euan's Oncologist so she could get all the information that Euan was struggling to face.

( They were home again now, and Euan was sick and exhausted. He was holding it together surprisingly well despite the breakdown the day before, but she could see how much he was hating the weakness and the uncontrollable sickness... )

Julie Fitzpatrick // Original Character

“The moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.”
- Mahmoud El Hallab

Cole could honestly say that this time, he was getting a little more progress with his stay in the Addiction Unit. It was intense, but more medically focused to treat him physically with a side order of continual psychotherapy and medication regime. With appropriate medication, he was coping better with the therapy. It wasn't just a matter of throwing a few antidepressants and antianxiety meds at him and hoping they worked to cockblock is mind into knee-jerking him in all the wrong directions. It was being closely monitored, side effects being controlled conservatively, and it meant he was coping a lot better with the things he was - again - being dragged through in therapy.

( But it was still really hard. Of course it was... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )
arrecho used with permission and much love

“The moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.”
- Mahmoud El Hallab

Euan felt a pain deep inside his chest as he sat there on the side of the bed listening to his wife cry herself to sleep. She still wouldn’t talk to him... she wouldn’t talk to anyone. No one wanted to push her, because no one knew how this felt. Anyone that did know, she wasn’t ready to face. All she had wanted to do was get out of the hospital, and had turned down all medical tests to try to determine what it was that caused the miscarriage. She wasn’t ready to face those either, and she kept shying away from Euan’s touch when he tried to offer a hug. He didn’t know what hurt more anymore. It was just a constant agonising ache inside that wasn’t subsiding.

In the end, they discharged against medical advice. Euan had promised the doctors handling Julie’s case that he would get her straight back to the hospital if there were any complications, and the social worker agreed that it was best for her to be home in her own bed, in her own space, where she could grieve without feeling like she was being relentlessly poked and prodded to find answers that wouldn’t change the outcome. It wouldn’t bring their baby back. She had died, and Euan hadn’t realised how big a part of his heart had already been taken by the tiny unborn infant until she had been gone, and now it felt like a gaping wound that would never heal.

( It was evening, though not very late. The house was quiet now... and still... )

Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)

“People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”
- Johnny Depp

Beau had been dreading this day for weeks. Or months, if he was being honest with himself. He was dreading it since he had gotten the news his leukemia was back, because he knew it would come. For the last few months, the chemotherapy had been kicking his ass. This last round especially, and this whole past week, he had been so sick and weak with it, he was bedridden. He hadn’t been able to go home after each dose, and when his electrolytes dropped to a dangerously low level, he was admitted for fluid therapy.

He had reached that point where he was getting too exhausted to fight. He hadn’t voiced it to anyone, and he saw in the faces of his husband and loved ones that they were worrying he was doing just that. It was about this time he began to resolve himself to the fact he could die. He wasn’t that far off starting to say goodbye to people, though this time, every time he looked at his husband’s face, it stopped him dead in his tracks from just going that little further and telling him it was time to prepare themselves.

( When he was younger, Beau’s battle had been long and hard. But he had only been a kid back then... )

Beau Watson-Shaw | Original Character

“People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”
- Johnny Depp

Euan had spent the night at the hospital with Julie, but he knew he had to do something he couldn’t put off much longer. He had faces tough times over his life, but this was going to take every ounce of strength he had left. Which really wasn’t all that much at all. He hadn’t slept the night before the wedding, and he hadn’t slept the night of it either. It was now the morning after, and he had a heavy, dull ache in his head from exhaustion and stress. He knew he probably desperately needed a shave, and he was still in his wedding clothes, though now the tux jacket had been shed and left back in the hospital room, and the bow tie was hanging undone around his neck with the top few buttons of his creased shirt open.

( Ciaran was with Mandy in the living room when he got home, the wee lad sitting quietly next to his aunty staring at the TV, but the way he jumped up and ran over to Euan to throw his arms around him in a crushing hug, Euan knew his son’s attention hadn’t been on the Harry Potter DVD... )

Euan Fitzpatrick (Original Character)

“People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”
- Johnny Depp

Their wedding might not have come off without a few little hitches, but it had been perfect. Their perfect. The whole day was supposed to be perfect. They were supposed to look back on it for years to come and remember exactly why they did it, and how happy they had been to be doing it. It was never supposed to end like this.

( Julie was sitting up in a hospital bed, her legs drawn up with her arms hugged around them, silent tears dripping down her cheeks as she stared numbly out the window, unseeing to anything beyond the pane of glass... )

Julie Fitzpatrick // Original Character

“A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.”
- Frank A. Clark

James sojourn to Tiffany's had honestly been solely to buy Nat a gift, simply because she had been amazing and he wanted to emphasise how much he loved her and that, despite a bit of an initial freak-out, he was over the moon that she was having his second child. Sure, just like his toddler son, it had been an accident, but it had been an accident in a moment of comfort that they both needed and it ultimately led to a lot of confessions between them both. They decided together that Nat was definitely keeping the baby and they wanted to give it a working shot at a relationship together. James hadn't expected it to just click so easily, but it had.

( He couldn't deny that Nat was the only mother that Campbell ever had... )

James Fraser ( Original Character )
- Natalie is nanny_nat and used with love/permission

“Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it.”
- George Bernard Shaw

The nightmares were bad enough, but the nightmares that had flashbacks that wouldn’t switch off once you were awake were the worst. He hadn’t been sleeping much at all since he heard of Emilio’s accident. He had been getting sleep in rehab with the aid of low dose controlled sedatives, but he was scared to have any medication in his control right now. Said control was only barely in his grasp and it was taking all his energy and willpower to hold onto it, hoping that it would slowly get better over time. That, along with the constant nauseating worry inside that Emilio would never recover from this accident, his brain had very little room for much else.

( There has been checking into the outpatient rehab program at the hospital, though... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )

“Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it.”
- George Bernard Shaw
contains triggery, supernatural themes
There was no reason for Trystan to think tonight would be any different to any other night he visited his brother at his almost palace-like estate in Westchester. Trystan had his own expensive penthouse bachelor pad in the Upper East Side, but he was a regular presence at his brother's place. Though lately, he had been making himself scarce because he didn't want to run into Skye. He didn't know what the hell was going on with his senses, but whenever she had been in the same room with him, he kept feeling like he was on the cusp of losing total control. He could block it for a short while, but anything longer, and he actually began to get quite aggressive. He had put it down to the fact she was his brother's Vessel. With Greg as his Sire, maybe he just desired to feed from her too, but that wouldn't fucking work. There was no way in fucking hell a Vessel could sustain three Kindred with fresh blood.

( He also wouldn't admit to anyone that he was jealous that she was Greg's Vessel... )

- trystan kent -
kindred: the embraced oc
( all muses used and referenced here with permission )

“Happiness is having a dream you cannot let go of and a partner who would never ask you to.”
- Robert Brault

One of the pluses of working for an international celebrity was that he had connections, and without even being asked, he would pull strings for you. It was only the day after Logan told Kyle that he had always wanted to dance at The Prince George Ballroom, and maybe they could think about it being the venue for their wedding. August 12th was the date they set for the wedding and in the process of asking Angel to be his Best Man, he had told Angel where they hoped the venue might be. It was literally later that evening that Angel called him and told him he had set up a meeting with the Events Coordinator at The Ballroom for him and Kyle the next day.

( Logan was just awestruck on their tour... )

- Logan Hayes, Original Character

“Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.”
- Napoleon Bonaparte

I’ve been wondering lately how my life would have been if I hadn’t enlisted, if I hadn’t met Brendan, if I hadn’t watched him be slaughtered in front of me, if I didn’t end up with PTSD. It’s impossible to know, and it’s probably not a healthy mindset to end up in, but it’s where your brain goes when you have no answers to the big ‘WHY?’ hanging over your head.

I’m not sure how I was supposed to feel when I finally saw Emilio for the first time since his awful accident. I had lulled myself into a very false sense of security that ICU policy meant I wouldn’t be allowed in to see him. I became a bench warmer of various waiting areas within shouting distance of the ICU and I ingested far too much hospital vending machine coffee to be healthy. Though, after all the shit I’ve ingested prior to that, my insides probably weren’t all that surprised.

( Then Des pulled her connection strings, and the next thing I knew a nurse was fetching me from one of the benches in the hall where I had been staring at the surface of a tepid cup of coffee lost in thought... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do.”
- Peter McWilliams


Three days... they were sitting at three days now without any improvement in Emilio's condition whatsoever. All they could do was just wait, and Des had never been good at waiting. Flynn had been absolutely amazing, keeping Des company and being there for her when she needed him most, and that opened up a whole different level of emotions for her, but whatever the case, she was glad that he was here with her. She needed him more than she could explain, and he just stayed right there.

( But on the third day, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, Des was finishing off a lukewarm cup of coffee that Flynn had grabbed for her... )


Destina Alvarez
Original Character

[Flynn is strips4u, and is used lovingly and with permission from his mun.]

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do.”
- Peter McWilliams

It's been around 62 hours since Flynn showed up at the rehab place and told me Emilio had been in a terrible car crash. I didn't handle it well, but who would? It's all a bit of a blur now, and it has been a lot of sitting in hospital waiting rooms on news, and knowing I'm not family, so I'm not allowed in to see him. He's in that bad of a condition. "Critical but stable" was the last update. I can't see him, but I'm still waiting anyway. It was hearing why the accident even happened that made it really feel like my world was crumbling underneath me... again.

One tool they encouraged in rehab was to write things down. The whole congested thoughts taking wrong turns in your mind and make it like rush hour traffic. Remove some of the congestion, though, then the lanes run more smoothly. They liked their analogies in there, and I'm glad they did, because a lot of the time, pitting my own experience to psychological theory was damn near impossible and especially when you were doubting the effectiveness of the assistance already.

( It was a driver under the influence of drugs and alcohol that caused Emilio's crash... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )

“Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in you life and your behavior decides who stays in your life.”
- Unknown

I learned today why people in as messed up a place as I got are best not having access to their friends and loved ones back home during a rehabilitation. I am somewhat ashamed to admit I never paused to think about it in this light either. It is because they become what is termed an 'accidental counsellor' to you. Because they're close to you, it is easier for you to offload to them, to blame them, even, to expect of them to be there for you when you are supposed to be relying on your team of professionals in this facility to get the proper help you need. A war can't be won by one person, it takes an army. And how can you win if you're too busy fighting your allies? The people I love are my allies, and the enemy is the drugs and booze. The counsellors, they're the strategists. The one's who give you and your loved ones the battle plan. This analogy was the first one that made sense to me in a very long time.

( To lay it on your loved ones when they aren't equipped to deal or even understand what you're going through, it's unfair... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )

“Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in you life and your behavior decides who stays in your life.”
- Unknown

This is the half way point, no turning back, Nick thinks to himself as he sits in a circle of people. Not that turning back was ever an option to him in his head, except during those sleepless nights, and the times he spent leaning over a toilet. But even then, he had a mantra in his head, about how much worse it could be… how much worse it had been. This place and everything it offers is one of the best places he’s ever been in. There are a couple of other best places he can think of that are the best. Felix’s loft, Matt’s living room, the in-door garden at his place…his place before coming here.

( Nick isn’t sure where he’s going after this, but he knows that it’ll be another fresh start )

Nick Porter/Original Character

“When people are very damaged, they can often meet the world with a kind of defiance.”
- J. K. Rowling
trigger warning for vampire-esque acts
Jett wasn't purposefully being defiant, but there was something about this guy that was really rubbing him up the wrong way. Jett was a Brujah childer, so the very process of him learning was going to be cause for some frustration. Defiance was just a Clan trait, and apparently any sort of dig that he was less than intelligent or knowledgeable was going to spark his Brujah streak that had been bubbling away under the surface for days now. The first few weeks of his Kindred life, he had been subdued and passive... to Molly. To everyone else, he had picked up quickly that he wasn't beholding to them. He translated that into the fact he didn't have to sit around and cop patronising shit off some Grangrel punk trying to make out he was better than him.

( There was also the fact that Jett needed a lot of sustenance being a strengthening childer, so his temper was probably raw to triggering in any sense... )

Jett Wilson || Kindred: The Embraced (Original Character)
- Skye used with love and guidance from her mun

“Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.” -Michael J. Fox

There is nothing in the world that can prepare you for hearing the horrible news that your husband's cancer is back. You go through all that stages of grief stuff that I used to think was BS, but it really isn't. Denial -- You definitely go through that. Because this can't be happening to your husband, to the man you love who is so damn full of life. Trust me, I was right there, too. I didn't believe it. Not my Beau. Not the man who wakes me up in the middle of the night because he just suddenly woke up and wanted pancakes and bacon, and he wanted to share with me. It can't be true because he is too fucking alive to ever face dying again.

( Anger -- Oh, yeah, I know anger. )

Austin Watson-Shaw::Original Character
Beau Watson-Shaw is halfwaytoheaven

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.”
- Roger Ebert

It had been a long time since Cole had cried. He had been raised to believe crying was a weakness, but these days, he fucking hated his father, so fuck his ideals in the ass, as far as he was concerned. Even if he desperately tried not to, there was no way he couldn't give into the urge. He hadn't really let on to Destina during her surprise and devious visit just how much pain he was in. If there was one thing he was a genius at, it was masking his feelings.

( Not long after she left, however, he hit another really bad patch. The exhaustion and pain were stirring all the bad emotions in his head. There was no chance to even try to fight it... )

Cole Carrington
( original character )

“Flowers are happy things.”
- P. G. Wodehouse

Day Two. Not a good day or a happy day or any kind of productive day. Today was a day of cold tiles and feeling like death. I’ve been at the brink of it whole lot of times so I know how it feels. If I had felt good enough to make it all the way out the front door, I probably would have. So thank God for small favors? Still not sure on that one.

( Between all this, I wanted to call someone just to hear their voice )

Nick Porter/Original Character

“Flowers are happy things.”
- P. G. Wodehouse

Brodie was bored. Bored and frustrated about still being in the hospital when he felt fine. Well, maybe not entirely fine, but he was pretty sure there were other much less fine people whose butts could be in that hospital bed instead of his. He was picking moodily at a loose end of the micro-pore tape holding the IV line in his hand in place. He wanted to go home. Not that there was a whole lot at home for him to go to. It had sort of become a burrow for him, somewhere he hid away and hibernated in the dark when everything got too overwhelming for him to handle. Most days, Caleb would leave him to it. But there were still always days his best friend would fight for him and try to get him up, moving around, even just for a round of Guitar Hero to try to cheer him up.

( But then, Caleb didn't know Brodie's secret yet... )

Brodie Bradford // Original Character

“Flowers are happy things.”
- P. G. Wodehouse
warning for blood and supernatural themes
The past few days - or nights, rather - had been restless for Xavier. He had things on his mind and he had a tendency to brood through things. He wasn't audacious, by any means. He was more of the cool, calm and collected sort, much to the often stereotypical traits of his Clan. It was also another reason why Greg had proven to be the Yin to his Yang. They could truly be polar opposites more often than not, and it went with Xavier's true belief that soul mates were not intended to match, but compliment both each other's strengths and their weaknesses with a bold balance to build a sturdy foundation of literally forever together.

( When he got into one of these 'moods', as Greg would simple put it, there was only one thing that could really placate and soothe him... )

♠ Xavier Louis Carlisle
Original Character // Kindred: The Embraced/Vampire: The Masquerade

“Flowers are happy things.”
- P. G. Wodehouse

Waking slowly, even taking a few attempts to manage to get his eyes open, it took a little while for Noah to realise he was in a different room to before. His head was aching, so the brighter room was starkly obvious to him and it caused him to squint, blinking a few times to try to get his bearings. He didn't even know that two and a half days had passed with him sleeping the hours away after over a week fighting the ice withdrawal. He still felt rotten, but it wasn't even in the same realms of rotten as before. His body felt heavy and exhausted, an ache all over his head feeling like it wasn't going to go away any time soon, and a nausea stuck inside him like a broken record that wouldn't quit.

( The rails of the hospital bed were up and he had light straps around his arms and another belt-like one over his middle, but they weren't like the restraints he had before... )

Noah Cameron :: Original Character

“In trying to help someone else you will find yourself.”
- Bette Midler

Keiran knew when to admit defeat. He also knew that he hadn't been able to not try. Dillon was his little brother, and he wanted to ease his burden as much as he possibly could. He wanted to do everything in his power to help him through this ordeal of trying to kick an alcohol addiction, but he hadn't anticipated how painful it would be for him too. Not that he was selfish enough to put his feelings before Dillon's, because this was Dillon's fight, but he ached painfully inside seeing Dillon's struggle, and it was why he had agreed to give it a chance for Dillon to go through the first hurdle of this - detoxing - at home and not in some medical facility.

( At first, it was okay. It started out relatively how one would expect it... )

Keiran O'Leary // Original Character

“Because that's what kindness is. It's not doing something for someone else because they can't, but because you can.”
- Andrew Iskander

Noah had no idea where he was when he woke up. But he was warm. More warm than he had been in a very long time, and it felt like he was wrapped in cotton wool. He laid still, scared to move in case it all disappeared around him. He was in a dimly lit room that was decorated in a lot of soft and calming colours. He was in a bed too, propped up in it against a mound of pillows. It was a sleigh bed and the quilt tucked up around him looked homemade. Where the fuck was he?

( It was only then that he realised something was stuck to his forehead and he reached up to pull it off... )

Noah Cameron :: Original Character

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.”
- Barbara Bush

It was the days like these that Jace really did wish he had a Delorean and could go back in time to make it that he never had a brain injury. Usually he could take it in his stride and knew that was the life hand he had been dealt, and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. But on the bad days, he wished he could erase the whole thing.

He had a crippling headache. Even the smallest amount of light felt like a laser burning into his brain. He wasn't even sure if he had seizures, but it felt like it had. Not a small one either. His head felt like it was going to explode. Normally, he could just roll over and crash out to sleep it off, but now and again, he had these days where he felt incredibly young, almost like the feeling was taking him back to the time he was a kid and trying to recover from the accident. Jesse was at work today, so he hadn't stayed over the night before. Evan had been called in for a nightshift and was now home in bed. At least, Jace really, really hoped he was.

His eyes were squeezed almost closed, just little cracks left to see where he was going. It felt like someone was squeezing his head and trying to burst it, and the tips of his fingers tracked along the wall to the door of his bedroom, and then up the hall to where Evan's room was. He didn't even knock. If he happened to be in there banging his new love interest, he was going to have to take a raincheck. Jace saw a lump in the bed and it wasn't moving, in fact it was snoring a little, so that was enough for him. He crawled into the bed beside his big brother, cuddled up against his back and tried to will himself to sleep to shut the pain out. He didn't want to be alone right now and days like this, Evan felt like a superhero to him.

The thing about being a big brother was you never really stopped being a big brother, no matter how much you both grew up.

Jace Turner ► Original Character

“Speak when angry and you will make the biggest speech you ever regret.”
- Dr Lawrence J. Peter

It felt like there was an invisible barrier about halfway down the corridor in the Intensive Care Unit. Every time Corey got as far as about eight steps past the nurses’ station, it was like he hit the barrier and had to turn back. There wasn’t. It was just that as soon as he got remotely close enough to his uncle’s room that he could almost see into it, he lost all courage to keep going further and through the door.

( He walked in and up the corridor, and then baulked, froze, turned around and went back out again. This happened, no exaggeration, thirteen and a half times within about twenty minutes... )

Corey Fitzpatrick ♦ Original Character

“I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.”
- The Wonder Years (TV Show)

The irony that they finally let restricted visitors into Euan’s room on Thanksgiving was like a rude kick in the guts for Julie. They had waited days for them to at least classify him as stable. She wasn’t even sure she could face it now she had the permission. She knew Euan’s nephew, Corey, couldn’t face it. She had been in the room with the poor kid when they were told the news, and all he did was pale and walk out. He hadn’t come back either. The rest of Euan’s New York-based family went in to spend some time with him then and Julie left the hospital. She wasn’t sure she could face this, but she had been waiting for days for it to come. She was supposed to be in Florida for Thanksgiving with her family, but they understood when she had to take a raincheck. Not just because she had her hands full here, but she couldn’t be very far for Euan in case he took a turn for the worst.

( It was a text from Euan’s brother that had her returning to the hospital... )

Julie Gresham // Original Character // 1,300 words