"So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like
Just promise me we'll be alright"
• Ghosts That We Knew, Mumford & Sons

warning: references suicidal ideation and self-harm
Mark was so sure he was keeping his shit together, all things considered. No, he wasn't dealing with anything in a perfect way. Panic had turned into anger, likely misdirected, but he was still too emotionally fired up and taxed to pause and step back just yet. There were things that needed to be done, step-by-step. He was a highly successful attorney, he did this step-by-step shit second nature. It was possibly the only way he could keep his shit together.

He was in his sports car, en-route to Westchester to the adolescent mental health facility, Four Winds. He needed to make sure everything was in place for his son's transfer up there. Keeping his finger on the procedural pulse, attending to paperwork, making sure all the i's were dotted and the t's were crossed. He was Justin's father, this was his job. It had to be done, and urgently. If it wasn't, Justin was going to complete. Mark had this horrible sick weight in his gut about that. It was just near impossible to talk about, because when he merely thought about it, he choked up and wanted to vomit.

( Only just managing to drive right by countless bars and liquor stores, Mark kept his mind focused on the road and getting up to Westchester... )

MARK CAMPBELL // Original Character

"Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln

The most important thing in Angel’s life used to me his music. He lived and breathed it. But that was before his life evolved into something more where music was in his soul, but his heart was being a dad and a husband. Never in a million years did he expect to be tripped up by something akin to a ‘love at first sight’ moment. Of course, he didn’t believe in that directly. Love didn’t just exist on sight; it grew into something when you nurtured it and cherished it. The first time he met Rose, however, he hadn’t been able to look away.

It was a running joke with everyone now. Rose had been a big fan, but not in a tacky groupie sense. Just an enthusiastic fangirl who happened upon her music idol when she was hanging with her friend, Damien, because he was signing up to the same PR firm that managed Angel’s affairs. She had been bright, bubbly, cheerful and friendly. And shamelessly wanted him to sign her boob. It had been a joke, but they still laughed about it today… today where they were now married, had a baby girl, were fighting Rosie’s cancer together, and had a sudden chance to adopt a little boy who needed a home and unconditional love.

( Rosie changed Angel’s life... )

Angel Shaw // Original Character

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The decision to adopt a child was a heavy one. It was a multifaceted bunch of emotions that you had to work through, especially if the reason was because you were no longer able to have children of your own. Cancer had left Rose needing a total hysterectomy, and so quickly that she never had time to realise the long-term impact. She and Angel had a two year old daughter who was their whole world, but as soon as they realised they couldn't have anymore of their own, it hit Rose that she wasn't done evolving their little family.

( Maybe it was selfish of her to want another when they already had one of the most beautiful little girls gifted to them... )

Rose Shaw
~ original character ~

"Recovery begins from the darkest moment." - John Major

Zoran had been in the PTSD residential rehab facility for about three weeks now. Most of that time he had spent quite numb, feeling like the therapy was bouncing off his emotional walls and not penetrating anything inside him. But there was no success or failure with a place like this. He kept going through the daily motions. He attended the one-on-ones with three different psychiatrists - specialists in grief therapy, family violence, and carers of addictions. He attended the mixed bag group sessions. He did the activities. He tried the meditation. He went for the walks. He listened to the motivational speakers.

( Still, nothing felt like it was getting through. On top of all that, he had both Caleb and Naomi staying in Arkansas doing some other stuff in between the family visitation sessions they were allowed for three hours a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays... )

- ZORAN JENNINGS -
original character

"Changes changes
We’ll always change in life
Goes in stages
Changes changes
Nobody knows life
Jumps and goes…"
• Changes, A Cursive Memory

"Do it if you want to, babe." That had been Lincoln's eventual answer to the whole donating jizz to lesbians cause. Or a lesbian and a half, as Angela kept reminding Clint. She was most definitely bi, and he knew that from personal experience in their past relationship that was never meant to be. Said relationship being a contributing factor to him being their first choice of babymaking juice. That whole part of the deal he hadn't seen coming at all.

( Now he was sitting on the sofa with his cousin's one year old baby girl in his lap. Beside him, his husband was in a deep sleep with his face buried into against the sofa cushion... )

clint chevalier
original character

"Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun." - Randy Pausch

Reecy was done trying. She was done waiting for things to click into place. She was done feeling like her relationship sucked in comparison to everyone else's. She wanted to just live and enjoy life, she wanted to take the bull by the horns and do what she had always done best - be herself. It was never in the plan to change who she was. Only, in this scenario, it wasn't a bull... it was a cowboy, who was hung like a horse.

( He was tall, dark and handsome. He was ripped. He knew how to fuck a girl into the middle of next week... )

Reecy Chester
{ Original Character }

"Will you come with me in the certain knowledge
That the catch is there's no catch at all?
I'll need a soulmate to hold me and a friend for life
And I'm hoping it might be you
Yes, I'm certain it must be you."
• A Friend for Life, Rod Stewart

As she stirred slightly in the bed, Kelly was suddenly aware that there was an arm draped gently around her waist. Her first response was to actually brace herself so that she wouldn’t jump or scream. This wasn’t a sensation she was used to… at least, it hadn’t been in over a year now. Even then, this felt different. The arm was loose and gentle, where her ex’s had always been heavy and possessive in a way that frightened her. This wasn’t her bed, either. All of this was somewhat starting to come together in her head. Kelly was a mother first… she wasn’t a heavy sleeper, and when she woke up, she woke up quickly. Shifting in the bed, she came to face Sam, who was still sleeping peacefully. His breathing was heavy, but steady, and she found herself tucking her head in against his chest and closing her eyes again.

( They were both still fully clothed... )


Kelly Jensen][Original Character

Sam Campbell is breakablehearts and is used with love and permission

"A friend is what the heart needs all the time." ~ Henry Van Dyke

If there was one thing that Damien could say about following his dream of being a rock star, it was that it was fucking hard work. Not that he'd ever doubted it would be. He'd come a long way since his days of playing the local bars for a living, and making a record in Lachie's studio, and yet he found that there were days that he missed those very things. This had been his dream, and in many ways, it still was, but there was something missing about it all. Maybe it was how it had all started... Maybe there was more to it than that, but he was living his dream only in part. Granted, he was hardly the star of the show. He was touring as an opening act, but the feedback had been good, and he was enjoying getting to play to packed out crowds, even if they weren't really there to see him, but to see one of Angel's label-mates, a hot, chart-topping artist named Colin Michaels, who played a similar style to Damien's, though not exactly the same. It was great exposure, and a great opportunity.

( Trigger warning for brief mention of rape-induced trauma )


Damien Larson||Original Character

"I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure."
• I Don't Want To Miss a Thing, Aerosmith

Shannon's head was spinning and it was making it hard to fall asleep. This entire last couple of weeks had been sort of like a dream in that he had done so many things he hadn't quite let himself hope could happen for him. It was hard to think of yourself as fitting in with the mainstream when you were like he was and had a disability, had to spend the rest of his life needing a wheelchair to get around. No, he didn't like labels. Who did? He knew he could live a 'normal' life, and he could do things like other people, just in a different way. Those things were easy to shoot for and talk about, but they were a whole different story in action.

( Then he met Fin. Quite possibly the cutest guy he had ever seen, and he didn't believe at all that he was biased on that front... )

- fin is used with ♥ + permission

shannon webster
- original character -

"We all get addicted to something that takes away the pain." - Anonymous

Dear Ian,
Ian,

I don't know what the fuck's with that "dear" bullshit anyways. Nobody calls anybody dear anymore except the waitresses at the cheapass diners who pop their goddamn gum while they take your fuckin' order, and then fuck shit up and give you fuckin' oatmeal when you asked for hashbrowns. Fuck it. I never called you no bullshit like dear when we were together. I don't know why the fuck I'd start it now.

( I ain't ever written a letter before anyways... )


Mickey Milkovich, Shameless [US]

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." - Unknown

It had been the HARDEST thing Angela ever had to do in her life. That was no exaggeration. It was the hardest, but it was also the most amazing thing. Deciding to be a surrogate mother to Austin and Beau had been a no-brainer for her. Their first attempt had ended in a tragic way and Angela had worried she would be stepping on Rose's toes if she offered when Rose received the news she was sick and couldn't carry another baby to term after miscarrying the surrogacy. What it all turned out to be was a wonderful team effort, and Angela became part of their family. Rose was like a fairy godmother to her. She had been through pregnancy and giving birth, she knew what it was like. Never once had she made Angela feel like she was an interloper. Quite the opposite.

( Although throughout the pregnancy, it had felt like it was dragging on, these last couple of weeks had flown by... )

angela ashwood
- original character -

"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." - Camille Pissarro

To Fin, this place was probably as close to heaven as you could get near New York City. It wasn't a ranch like he had grown up on back home, but there were stables with connecting paddocks that housed horses right along a dirt track leading to a beautiful farmhouse. Beyond that, there was a paddock with cows, and back at the main house of the property, there had been chickens wandering around free range like they owned the place. Fin had spent most of the time since getting out of the car with his mouth hanging open, and he had still been doing the same as he squinted up at the lady in jodhpurs with his hand shielding the afternoon sun while she explain her horse business to them.

( They walked a little way down the tracks to the gates leading into the horse paddocks... )

# Finlay Bennett | Original Character

”It was so unexpected, it shocked me.” ~ Gregg Smith

Ainsley had been excited beyond belief that Clint was coming to get him after school and take him on a field trip as Ange had put it. The recent conversations with Harry about his dreams of being a police officer had made him question himself more than he ever had. Why did he want to be a cop? Somehow, coming from a long line of police officers no longer seemed like reason enough, and Ainsley knew that he had to figure it out. The truth was, though, even now, he was convinced that he’d get some experience under his belt, and be absolutely convinced that he wanted to be a cop and was going to love it.

( Clint picked him up in the foulest of moods, though Ainsley had somewhat expected that... )

Ainsley Ashwood, original character
Clint Chevalier is privateinvestigations and is used with love and permission

"Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?"
• Maybe, Sick Puppies

Cole had never done well in these group therapy sessions. Not at all because he believed he was immune to their therapeutic benefits; he knew they had their purpose. But because he was cognitively impaired these days with sensory processing issues. Too many people around him was overwhelming. The heavy substance abuse had left him damaged. He was never going to fully recover anymore. Most days, he didn’t want to recover, he just wanted to erase himself from existence. He had effectively been told he was ‘brain damaged’ because of the drugs, however it was clarified there were many levels of damage a brain could suffer and he was on the lower-level of the scale. There was hope, there was help, there was support. But the drugs had caused permanent damage to the blood vessels in his brain. That was the news that caused him to spiral out of control and try to take his own life. Again.

( On top of all that, he had high blood pressure, severe clinical depression, cognitive impairment, memory issues, sexual issues, and impaired kidney function. If you only you could quit drugs, detox, do a stint in rehab and be miraculously cured of a severe drug habit... )

cole carrington
( original character )

"You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me."
• Glad You Came, The Wanted

Luka knew Valentine's Day was what you made it. You didn't have to be in a relationship to recognise it as special. Luka was the sort who got Valentine's cards and gifts for his moms, and also his best friends. Why the hell not? It was your life. You made your own rules. As miserable, cynical and bitter some people could be about the day, bottom line was, they were miserable, cynical and bitter, and Luka would rather be content and happy than any of those. If that meant making his moms smile because he sent them roses and cute Valentine's cards for for the day, and if it meant it made them laugh when he sent them one from 'The dog', their beloved pet, even better.

( He did recognise that it had the ability to make some people feel lonely. If you took it for the bare bones black and white meaning, that is... )

LUKA ZANARDI
original character

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." - Berthold Auerbach

Matteo would never admit he was feeling uncertain and troubled about his decision to move to New York. He almost always put up a very confident façade, and this time was no different. Being away from home was impacting on him, however. New York was very different to Milan, and even though he was working just about every waking moment each day to rehearse for his tour, there was a lot troubling his mind behind the façade.

( He wouldn't let it disrupt his work. Music and singing was part of his soul; he lived and breathed it unconditionally... )

Matteo Lorenzi
original character

"'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now."
• Mirrors, Justin Timberlake

Nick could be a hopeless romantic when he wanted to be. It was no secret that he loved all those little things that came with being in a relationship. He enjoyed that closeness and connection, feeling like you had a partner in crime, no matter how crazy life could get. He had a few false starts that went wrong in his dating life. When he realised it was leaving him cynical and bitter, he knew it was time to brush himself off and move on. It hadn't been easy, but what it had led him to was meeting someone amazing that he was realising now he wanted to hang on to for a very long time.

( When he got home from work that evening, Cheyne had been snoozing on the sofa with the credits from a movie rolling on the TV screen... )

nick matheson
[ original character ]

"It was so unexpected, it shocked me." - Gregg Smith

For Clint’s entire life, he always lived in the moment. There was no point looking back to yesterday and worrying if you fucked up; it was done and there was do-over. There was no point looking forward, because in a fucking heartbeat, it could all crash and burn anyway. All of a sudden, he found himself thrust into thinking about the past, worrying about the present, and fearing the future. None of this he was used to, and he was usually hardcore enough to swallow up any pain by going into something like a hardass bull at a gate. He was usually there to fix other people’s shit, by any means possible, rather than having any of his own.

( Not only was he all of that, but he never believed in love... )

clint chevalier
original character

"Maybe we were meant to be lonely, lonely
Maybe we were meant to be on our own
Loneliness has always been with me, with me
But maybe we don't have to be all alone."
• The Fighter, The Fray

SPOILERS: Shameless Season 6

8 YEARS ON: It was eight years since Ian last saw Mickey Milkovich. He had just seen his 27th birthday come and go, but that day, inside he was feeling like the same fucked up 19 year old he had been back then. The kid who had been feeling so numb and empty when the one thing that had a stab at making him happy was thrown in the slammer. He had already been losing his footing with life. Mickey had always been an anchor for him, a way out of the shit life he had been raised into. Then he was gone.

( He had made Mickey an empty promise the last time he saw him... )

• ian gallagher [ canon: shameless ]
mickey milkovich is andifuckingloveit, time jump is 8 years from end of Season 5

"One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment." - Harold Coffin

Clint had taken residence on the floor just outside the waiting room. Sitting with his back up against the wall, legs drawn up, elbows on knees, head in hands. He hadn't moved in hours. He wasn't even sure he could move at this point. Moving would take more energy than he had. He might miss something if he moved. He didn't want to see anyone, he didn't want to listen to anyone, he didn't want anyone looking at him. Life hurt too much right now, and it felt like it would never stop.

( He was waiting. Inside, in that twisted, painful coil in his gut, he knew he was waiting for someone to come and tap him on the shoulder and tell him Lincoln hadn't pulled through... )

clint chevalier
original character

"We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes—understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success." - Arianna Huffington

Fashion wasn’t really Jeff’s thing per se. He enjoyed it, and it was a part of being in the public eye, but he was mostly just grateful that he had people around him who would give him a smack in the head if he wore something that looked awful. Tonight, he was dressed extra nicely, though, joining Justin at a VIP event put on by FABULOUS, the magazine that his mother and uncle ran together. Jeff was in a suit that he probably wouldn’t have been able to afford when he was working at the veterinarian’s office, but even as an understudy, Caden ensured his cast and crew were always paid quite well, and Jeff had splurged on the black tailored suit with one of his first paychecks. Will would be there already, considering that he worked as an intern to Harley Rayner, a model and journalist for the magazine, so Jeff got to be Justin’s Plus One, much to the joking of Jeff, Justin, and Will that this would probably cause a tabloid hysteria. There were entire Tumblrs devoted to shipping Willstin, and Jeff would probably be the subject of major fangirl hate.

( As they arrived in a limo, every step of this done with absolute class and style, Jeff’s eyes went wide... )


Jeff Hinton||oc
Justin and Matteo used by permission and with love.

"We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, No demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield."
• Love is a Battlefield, Pat Benatar

Clint knew now that there was something worse than sitting there watching Lincoln in a coma. Watching him slowly regain consciousness and start feeling the pain was worse. Much worse. It was slow. First the eye-opening and the clear response to pain stimuli (Clint was learning more of the fancy doctor language as the hours ticked on by). He was moving his hands more to the point he could loosely hold onto Clint's fingers. That was the point they had started to trial whether he could breathe unassisted. Initially, no. Not enough for them to remove the artificial ventilation. His breathing had been laboured and choked. They didn't let him struggle before they were hooking him back up to it.

( The next evening, they tried again... )

clint chevalier
original character

"Look, if you had, one shot,
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted.
In one moment would you capture it,
Or just let it slip?"
• Lose Yourself, Eminem

Having at least one 'decent enough' beach in driving distance of New York City had been what had ultimately swayed Harry to come to live in New York with Nick. The love of the beach wasn't just isolated to Harry; Nick's whole family loved it. Their family home they had all grown up in backed onto a gorgeous stretch of beach in Jacksonville, Florida. They could walk out their back door, through their back gate and onto the sand. Sometimes, when Nick got homesick, he would drive to this beach just to sit and think.

( A sketch pad was open in his lap, balanced on his knee as he glided the tip of his pencil over it, sketching the beach scene sprawling before him... )

nick matheson
[ original character ]

"Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day." - Taylor Hanson

Carter was having trouble sleeping that night. That hadn't happened a single night that he spent with Karla, even if they were still in the very early days of their relationship. She made things feel relaxing and content. It was easy to fall asleep with her wrapped in his arms, and to wake up the next morning much the same. That night, he had a lot on his mind and he didn't want to start tossing and turning or he would wake Karla too.

He carefully shifted in the bed, making sure not to wake her, and got up, pulling his bathrobe on and headed out of the bedroom. Pausing in the kitchen, he got a glass and put some ice into it, and headed out into the living room to pour himself a shot of Scotch. Hopefully a little of that would invite sleep, and he took a seat in the armchair by the window with views out over New York City.

( There was a headache already developing behind his eyes; tension, most likely... )

@ Carter Beaumont
Original Character

"No trait is more justified than revenge in the right time and place." - Meir Kahane

Clint poured the last splash of Everclear left from the bottle into his glass and downed it. He was sitting at the bar, now leaning heavily into it and when he dropped the empty glass back down, it tipped over and rolled onto the floor. It smashed on the other side of the bar, but he didn't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck about much at all now the booze was rushing through his veins and numbing the pain.

( It had been just on dusk when Clint walked into the bar and threw a wad of cash on the counter, telling the barman to bring him the bottle of the strongest shit he had... )

clint chevalier
original chracter

"There's something going on that wasn't here before
Keep your eyes glued to the floor
There's something strange going on tonight
There's something going on that's not quite right."
• Strange, R.E.M.

Clint definitely wasn't a fashionista candidate by any means. He had plenty of cash, but designer shit didn't bother him. He could take it or leave it. Fashion bored him, but it just so happened that dating top model who looked fucking fantastic in couture. Of course he was going to be at Lincoln's last runway fashion show of the year, and he was going to be front and centre with the best views of his lover's designer-clad cock in the house.

( At least he knew people in the fashion industry, so he wasn't sitting there like a stale fart posting links to porn on his Facebook so he didn't die of sheer boredom waiting for Lincoln to lead Rian's line... )

clint chevalier
original character

"Vulnerability is the essence of romance. It's the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, 'This is me, and I'm interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more important, all that I am not.'" - Ashton Kutcher

With Adrian Hewitt

The first hurdle Richie discovered in dating a billionaire was the birthday gift options were pretty limited. Especially when said billionaire boyfriend wasn't really materialistic. He had nice things, and lived in a gorgeous apartment, and drove a nice car. But he would much rather donate to charity than need expensive gifts. Money wasn't constantly at the forefront of everything. The lovely things he had done for Richie since they had been dating had come from the heart, and left little imprints on Richie's heart as a result. They were making memories. Priceless memories. Money couldn't buy that.

( Still, it was Adrian's birthday and he wanted to make it another little memory imprint because it was the first birthday they would share in their relationship... )

= Richie Jameson =
original character

"I wish that I could talk to you
Be with you somehow
I know you're in a better place
Even though I can't see your face
I know you're smiling down on me
Saying everything's okay."
• I Wish, R Kelly

Sometimes, you just needed to be alone. This was one of those times. Zoran took a shower to warm up from being out in the cold and spent the duration of it sitting on the floor of the cubicle with the hot water spraying down on him while he once again gave into the urge to cry for the loss of his father. Apparently grief was supposed to have a process but he was like a stuck record bouncing between anger and crippling sadness. He hadn't coped with the funeral. That, too, felt like he had failed at something. He loved his family, he truly did, but he needed to be on his own.

( He still felt chilled inside, despite the hot shower... )

- ZORAN JENNINGS -
original character

"Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day." - Taylor Hanson

PAST SCENE
Even if Heather had her hands full with three infants of her own, there was no way in hell she wouldn't help out with her best friend's little baby and be the aunty-in-everything-but-blood to him. This was one of those days where Joe's parents had taken the triplets for a few hours to give Heather, a stay-at-home-mom, a break. But when Karla's mom got called to the hospital for an emergency with one of her closest friends who had no close family, and her dad was at work teaching, there was no question she would forgo her own break to help out.

( Richie had been asleep in his crib when Heather arrived to take over the reigns from his grandmother. The baby boy's mommy in this equation was absent, though not by active choice... )

heather jennings { original character }
- Richie Jameson (baby days) and Karla Jamesonreferenced with love

"I don't know about days gone,
But round here nobody lives twice.
When your gone, your gone, without no bye,
Cause only a judge can give you life.
This is my advice,
Trust me, I nearly lost my life."
• Family, Ed Sheeran

tw: murder/suicide references + other emotional triggers
Zoran hadn't expected to be making this trip again so soon. If he had a choice, he would never return to Savannah again. They had found his father's murderer and the body was being released to Zoran, his only known next of kin who was cooperating with police investigations. Perhaps a small silver lining of peace for Zoran was that it hadn't been his mother who did it. Or his sisters. No one had actively told him they were being investigated, but he heard a passing reference to his mother 'assisting the police with their enquiries'. He had guessed Caleb would be investigated too. He was an intelligent guy. Trauma didn't erase that until there were other exacerbating circumstances like drugs or mental illness impacting on your mind. In a way, he had been relieved the investigation seemed to be so on the ball.

( Now he had a funeral to try to plan. He didn't know where to start... )

- ZORAN JENNINGS -
original character

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt

Beyond out on a cold and rainy night likely wasn't the best idea, but Zoran wanted to go see his parents. He had assured Caleb he would only go overnight and he was in good hands. It was just something he needed to do right now. Jax was heading home after seeing the IV, so he was going to drive Zoran the just under an hour's drive to Dobbs Ferry and the next morning, Caleb would come to pick him up.

( Using the key had in his possession since the first week he was in New York, Zoran let himself into the backdoor in the kitchen... )

- ZED BLAZE -
original character

"I wanna tell you something,
give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing
If I don't say something
Before it all goes away."
• Tell You Something, Alicia Keys

With Euan Fitzpatrick

Julie waited until Euan was free and the chair in his office was vacant from some ass or another that he was working with. It was lucky she didn't have any sort of superiority complex or her husband being appointed Captain and given a raise, therefore making him her boss might have caused issues in their marriage. Mostly, she just teased him about riding a desk these days because it was something no one ever thought they would see happen to Euan. He had emphatically rejected offers of promotion to Lieutenant, but after battling cancer, when he was put up for this position, he relented on the stubbornness for the sake of his family.

"Heya, hot stuff. Can I have a word?" Julie asked with a smile after giving his glass office door adorned with his name and title a soft knock.

( Euan looked up from where he had been writing notes in a file and smirked devious at her... )

Julie Fitzpatrick // Original Character

"That place we all run to
It can come down on you
The expectation can be great
If you should ever tire
Or if you should require
A sudden, simple twist of fate
Don't hide away
There's something to be said for pushing through
We'd never ride on horses that discourage you."
• Deadlines and Commitments, The Killers

In the near darkness of Zoran’s room, Caleb lay awake after Zoran had fallen asleep. His arm was draped lightly across the other man’s middle, and he was doing his best to be incredibly still. He knew that Zoran wasn’t sleeping well and the last thing he wanted was to wake him when he finally had fallen asleep. He’d be lying if he didn’t confess that he’d been more than a little caught off guard when he’d woken up to Zoran’s tender kiss, but it hadn’t taken long at all for him to just go with it. It felt right, as nothing and no one else had in so long, and Caleb wasn’t going to fight it.

( What had followed had been, at its core, pure comfort... )

Caleb Leary
Original Character

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." - Napoleon Hill"

Zoran wanted to sleep, but all he managed was all of 45 minutes of a deep sleep before a nightmare about what he had been through these past couple of days engulfed him and he woke up in a sweat with his t-shirt feeling like it was choking him. He nearly ripped it when he tugged roughly at the collar, and sat up in bed, looking around and feeling disoriented while he tried to get his bearings again. The worst part was, the nightmare had been vivid and he remembered it after waking. In his dream, he had been shown his dad's face in the morgue rather than it being concealed.

( He had a small drink of water from the bottle kept beside his bed, and then sat cross-legged on the bed with his head in his hands... )

- ZED BLAZE -
original character

"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler." - Friedrich Nietzsche

tw: reference to past suicidal thoughts
Zoran didn't know why, but his memories of the Fall colours in his memories of the lake seemed so much brighter than they were now. Those memories that he wanted to hold onto so tightly as the brief time in his past that was carefree and happy. There was no fear, no darkness, no misery, no pain, no loneliness. There was a beauty here, no doubt. Fall had always been Zoran's favourite time of year, but now there was a dullness to them. Or had they always been like this, and just seemed so much more bright and welcoming when his life wasn't shrouded in pain?

( He never thought he would see the mirror-like surface of this lake ever again... )

- ZED BLAZE -
original character

"Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you."
• Leave Out All The Rest, Linkin Park

tw: graphic imagery, murder references
It was only the fact Zoran was drugged up to the eyeballs on Valium that prevented him from having a panic attack as soon as he got off the plane in Savannah. He was dressed in black with dark glasses shielding his eyes, and he kept his head low while he was ushered out of the airport by a handful of officials and into a car to drive to the morgue. He never wanted to come back here. It was hard to process the fact he was.

( He was still feeling rotten. Being here wasn't helping any of that... )

"I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me.
My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak,
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet"
• Set Fire to the Rain, Adele
warning: minor nfsw content
Justin set his iPad aside on the king-sized bed taking pride and place in the middle of his hotel room. He had just finished Skyping his parents. Even though it was late at night there in Australia after the show that evening, it was just after 8am in New York. The time in Sydney was flying, likely down to the fact that the schedule was jam-packed and there was little down time. He was sharing a room with Jeff, which was pretty cool. Will, who had come to Australia with the entourage, was staying with family a relatively short drive away from the hotel.

( He got up off the bed and went over to the large window. It offered amazing views of Sydney Harbour. The Bridge and the Opera House were there in all their glory... )

Justin Campbell
Original Character

"Sometimes life is gonna hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith." - Steve Jobs

Once Sally's job was based in the City, there was an executive family decision that she, instead of their parents, would be listed as Zed's in-cast-of-emergency contact. Brett was currently living with their grandparents in Boston while he finished college, having decided to take a couple of years out to travel before starting. That was where the family had been during the week, Sally included, for their grandparents 40th wedding anniversary. Though, Zed had been doing his elusive/evasive routine the last couple of weeks so no one pushed him to come along. Sometimes, he just needed space.

( By some sheer stroke of luck, Sally had come home from Boston early... )

~ sally jennings // original character

"I know it's more than I deserve
Chances are I'll make it worse,
But I need to
Tell you
Tell you that I'm sorry,
Tell you that I'm stupid,
Why do I always take it there?"
• The Only One, James Blunt

If there was one thing on earth that drove Emily absolutely bat shit insane, it was when Clint was right and she was wrong. She liked to think it didn’t happen too often, though her darling husband would protest that with every fiber of his being, and at the root of it, he wouldn’t be wrong on that, either. Clint was, for all his annoying bits, incredibly smart and he did have a good heart. Being a manwhore didn’t change that side of him in the slightest. He was there for the people that he loved, and he would do whatever he needed to do to ensure that they were safe and cared for… even if that meant that one person he loved was getting a firm talking to because she’d hurt another person on that list. Emily wouldn’t deny him that. It was a fundamental part of him.

( And he was right. She had stepped out of line completely with Ange... )

"I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend"
• Cry, James Blunt

Caleb could only remember once that he had ever seen Zed even close to the kind of sick that PEP could apparently make you, and that was when, as kids, probably no older than twelve or thirteen, they’d nicked a cigarette off one of Caleb’s uncles and smoked it down by the lake… and both been violently sick. It was a pretty ironic thing, considering that both of them smoked now, but Caleb remembered it well. Zed… at the time Zoran… had been the first to be sick, and Caleb had rushed to the edge of the water, pulled off his t-shirt and dipped it in, coming back to press the cool, wet cloth to his best friend’s face… Only to moments later be blowing chunks himself. They’d both sworn to each other then and there to never smoke again, and when they’d recovered enough from feeling terrible, they’d managed to get back home, but not before stopping at the corner store for a pack of gum and a bottle of cheap cologne that had probably been more of a dead giveaway than walking in smelling like smoke would’ve been.

( Things like that had nearly faded from his memory before Zed was back in his life… or maybe they hadn’t... )

"There's a difference between solitude and loneliness." - Maggie Smith

Angela was about ready to give up on love indefinitely. It never seemed to work out when she tried it, and she was feeling a pile of things she couldn't quite identify within her yet. She was putting it down to pregnancy hormones and pushed it aside by keeping busy. She spent another day with her therapist crying because she did that randomly right now. The therapy was hard, facing up to the fact she killed someone in the line of duty to save a life. But the debriefing was ongoing. Euan had insisted on it until she could get out there without a fear of drawing her gun again.

( So, there was therapy, and there was being pregnant, and there was now the fact her relationship was over when she wasn't even sure it started much in the first place... )

angela ashwood
- original character -

"And I don’t know how I survived those days
Before I held your hand
Well I never thought that I would be the one
To admit that the moon and the sun
Shine so much more brighter when
Seen through two pairs of eyes than
When seen through just one"
• Anniversary Song, Cowboy Junkies

Billy couldn't believe he was married. Actually, legit, legally, for-real married to one of the most gorgeous people the world would ever be blessed with. In essence, it had been far from a conventional wedding. Ultimately, it was a very simple and quick ceremony.

( Despite both him and Ajay having a Best Man (Jude and Travis, respectively), their wedding party was all intermingled in one. There was a group of both bridesmaids and groomsmen there for both of them, no divide... )

BILLY WILLIS
[ original character ]
ajay bellerose used with ♥ + permission

"Do I want to be a hero to my son? No. I would like to be a very real human being. That's hard enough." - Robert Downey, Jr.

It was mindblowing for Ajay to realise he had woken up that morning and it was his wedding day. Before now, it felt real and they were going through each of the motions to get here. The date had been set the date Billy got the news that the chemo had worked and he was in remission. That had been what they vowed. If he went into remission, they would set a date for their wedding.

( Before that, life was hard. For many reasons, but most recently because Billy had been diagnosed with cancer... )

ajay bellerose (original character)

"The shock of any trauma, I think changes your life. It's more acute in the beginning and after a little time you settle back to what you were. However it leaves an indelible mark on your psyche." - Alex Lifeson

warning: drug use and self-harm/suicidal ideation
Mark was furious. In fact, 'furious' was probably more of an understatement. He was so blindingly pissed off that he made a huge judgemental error in assuming Zed Blaze, and his bandmate, Melody, were the culprits for giving his teenage son drugs that could literally lead to his death.

( Despite the fact he was trying to recover from an infection in his heart, there was nothing that would stop Mark going to Justin when the call came through that his son was completely trashed and off his face at a rave... )

MARK CAMPBELL // Original Character
Justin, Zed, Will and Melody all used with permission ♥

"You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too. That's a part of it." - Denzel Washington

triggering content: drug use
Zed had no reason to think this gig was anything but your average rave, dripping in booze and shit. He had been hoping for more private gigs recently because they always paid way better than the bar gigs. A classic case of be careful what you wish for. He wasn't a judgemental prick. He had no grounds for judging people for indulging in any of this stuff. It wasn't his business, he just wanted to earn some cash and beef out his savings a bit more. Especially now he was starting to feel like he needed to go on the run now Caleb had exposed him. He wanted a safety net in case he had to drop everything and bolt again.

( So there was booze, there was drugs - so fucking what? )

- ZED BLAZE -
original character

Trapped
tw: drug use
The party was never going to be a good idea. Not as soon as it was obvious that it was less of a small gathering of people dealing with the same stuff and more of a huge bash with a live band... inevitably with the downsides of a party just like that. Justin was on a vicious cycle of one step forward, three steps back no matter what he did lately. The warning bells should have not just been ringing, but fucking blasting.

( His moods, ever on a pendulum, had been on an upward swing in the last couple of days... )

Justin Campbell
Original Character

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." - Harrison Ford

Zed played at so many bars, on so many nights, that he had no reason to believe tonight would be any different. This had become his life. His norm. His second chance when he probably should be dead. Murdered. When he thought about that, he still got that cold sick feeling in his gut. Chances were that he would have been murdered by his father that night if he hadn’t run for his life. Literally. That was no longer a metaphor for him. He was still alive, that was all that mattered… even if he now had a whole new life and no connections left with who he used to be.

( It had been vital necessity to transform. He had a whole new identity, and his new name was indeed an homage to the phoenix... )

- ZED BLAZE -
original character

"What are we gonna do?
We've opened the door, now it's all coming through
Tell me you see it too
We've opened our eyes and its changing the view
Oh, what are we gonna do?
We've opened the door, now its all coming through"
• How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful, Florence + The Machine

There was one overarching thought for Caleb as he walked into the club next to his coworker, Martin. He didn't want to be here. An indie hard rock show was hardly Caleb's scene, having grown up in the South on country music and classic rock, but Martin had asked to be nice, concerned that Caleb wasn't getting out enough (not entirely true, though he tended to keep his weekend benders at gay bars to himself), and he just didn't want to be a dick when Martin was trying to be a friend. But the music was too fucking loud, the venue was crowded, and Caleb was okay with dancing, but this type of music was better suited to kids who participated in mosh pits and ended up with concussions or broken bones than to half-dressed guys in clubs who ended up in hotel rooms with him only to be sent on their way when all was said and done.

( Caleb had never used drugs in his life, aside from one time when his drink had been spiked at a party... )

"What are we gonna do?
We've opened the door, now it's all coming through
Tell me you see it too
We've opened our eyes and its changing the view
Oh, what are we gonna do?
We've opened the door, now its all coming through"
• How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful, Florence + The Machine

Written with moviesismagic

A week ago, if someone told Richie he would be on a private jet bound for Monaco, he would have laughed in their face and told them to get their hand off it. Here he was, though, relaxed in a recliner seat and curled up under a cosy duck-down blanket. In the wake of watching a movie on the plasma TV and a really fucking incredible blowjob (Mile High Club, bitches!), his eyes were heavy and the faint hum of the plane's engines were lulling him to sleep.

( It was probably more to do with the fact he was on the back end of three double shifts at work that he had worked to get a few extra days off for this impromptu whirlwind trip overseas... )

= Richie Jameson =
original character